Good news honey!
Jesse,
I know that there have been times in our marriage that have been a little rough. I know that sometimes we fight and argue and disagree. In the end though it always works out because we love each other and you always apologize and I always forgive you. I'm such a good wife.
In the past there have been times when I have thought the only way we could continue to stay under the same roof was if you slept in the garage. I never made you do it though because our garage is detached and not heated and 178 years old.
You don't have to worry about any of that any more now though. See, the garage in our new house is heated so when I do eventually make you sleep out there you'll probably be reasonably comfortable.
Happy nine year anniversary sweetie. I love you even more today than I did the day we got married. Of course, that's not saying a lot because I mostly married you so that I could have a big party where people would give me lots of stuff.
Regards,
your wife
PS Whitaker Dupont says hi!
I'm just kidding folks! Jesse knows I love him. And I know that he'll know that this is all a joke.