My name is Jen and I am a ...

I know what you call a person who drinks vanilla extract or mouthwash because there is no alcohol available to them but what do you call a person who discovers that she has no chocolate in her house and finds herself standing in front of an open cupboard thinking "Maybe if I mix this unsweetened bakers chocolate with some sugar..."?

Sweet, sweet breathing room

It's official. I'm going to have to switch to maternity pants. I slipped on a pair yesterday and it was heavenly. I could move! I could breath! I could eat without having to undo my pants afterwards. Although it's nice to move into pants that fit, I can't help but feel like this is all happening rather early. I know that early on some of the meds I was on caused a lot of bloating and water retention. Now the water retention has gone away (at least I think it has, the swelling in my fingers and ankes has gone down a lot) but the tummy bloating has remained. I think that at this point I can safely say that some of this is baby. Please, no one remind me that at this point the baby weighs about 1/10th of an ounce. I'm going to go ahead and blame about 15 pounds of my weight on this little bugger. It's small, it can't do anything to stop me.

In other news I would like to thank my brother for telling me about a wonderful new product. I ordered the sampler pack this morning and soon everything I eat will have the lovely taste of bacon. Bacon Salt! Why didn't someone think of this stuff earlier?

Don't try this at home

Jesse brought me something from the bakery today and the package it said it (the package) was made of corn. How do they do that? How can they make plastic out of corn? And why is it that if you try to lick it or bite it that it doesn't taste like corn?

Soooo fuuuullll

We ate at Mongo's Grill tonight. I am so full. It's a really fun restaurant. You go through like this buffet line type thing where you pick out all your veggies and meat and spices and sauces and everything. Then you take your bowl up to the grill type people (I think that's what they're called). They grill it up right in front of you on this huge round grill. It's actually kind of fun to watch. A bunch of people have their food grilled at once but somehow they keep track of it all. It was fun, I reccomend it.

Joseph liked it too. He had milk and crackers.

I have to go now. Cheap Seats is on. I loves me some Sklar brothers.

Weird stuff

Pregnancy does such strange things to you. I've heard of pregnant women craving dirt and other odd things before but I never understood it. That is, until I developed some really off the wall cravings myself. In the past few weeks I have craved the smell of gasoline. When I go out somewhere I always hope that I'll end up driving behind some big stinky truck belching black smoke. I sometimes have an insane desire to run out to the garage and sniff the lawn mower. I don't know exactly what to make of that.

Perhaps even stranger is the craving that I have gotten for mint gum. I have to chew it non-stop lately. That's not such a big deal big what is weird is that I also have the craving to swallow it. Most of the time I'm able to resist but I couple of times now I have been doing something or other and without even realizing it I swallow that giant wad of gum I'm chewing. Why in the world would by body crave something like that? By the way, I asked and it's just a myth that gum stays in your stomach for seven years if you swallow it.

Anyway, it will all be over soon and I'll be able to drive past a gas station without feeling the need to stop in for gum and fumes.

The blues

I'm in a great big funk right now. All I have the motivation or desire to do is lay around in my fat lady nightgown and think about home made brownies. Don't you dare judge me!

Mmmmm.....Food

Jesse was laughing at me the other night because he found a scrap piece of paper by the computer that I had written the word "Food" on. That's all it said. I don't remember why or when I did it.

Anybody? Hello?

Does anyone out there have some spare sushi that I can have? If you could just run it over to me I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

The weekend

Looks like the heatwave is going to be breaking. I think Jesse and I can take credit for that because we finally broke down and bought a second air conditioner. I'm sitting in here in air conditioned splendor and I can't even tell you how nice it feels. It's so wonderful to be sitting downstairs and not dripping sweat.

I am in serious pain today. My muscle is aching so bad and I can't figure out why. I haven't done anything that would have bothered it but man oh man am I ever sore. I'm also having a lot of pain under my ribs and I just read that can be caused by the baby being in breech position.

I had a serious craving for smoked almonds on Friday and Jesse went out to the store to get some. I've been snacking away all weekend. Too bad that I'm mildly allergic to the skin on nuts. The roof of my mouth itches and my tounge feels like it weighs 8 pounds but it's worth it. Those are the nest damn almonds that have ever existed in the history of the world.

Finished Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince today. (See below.) Maybe I would have enjoyed it more it I hadn't been so hot and crabby. Maybe not.

I have heard some women say things like "I loved being pregnant! I never felt better in my life!" and "I had so much energy when I was pregnant!" I am not one of those women. This pregnancy stuff was not made for me. I know that I do not look like a delicate flower but don't let my ample curves and wide, child-bearing hips fool you. I am not made for pregnancy. I don't like it and I have had nothing but problems with it. Frankly, I'm starting to question the wisdom of whoever created this whole wacky system.

There should be a law

If I ran the world it would be illegal to operate a Krispy Kreme store within 10 miles of a pregnant woman. Yes, I know this would probably put them out of business but I think it would be the best thing in the long run. Damn them and their fried sugary goodness.

Cravings

I've been pretty lucky when it comes to cravings so far. Nothing too crazy and most of the time they're not too bad. For a while I was craving red meat all the time but that stopped. I still like mac and cheese with steak sauce but that's not too wierd. Is it? Aside from that one time I wanted (ugh) pork rinds (ugh) I haven't wanted anything too gross either. So, I've been pretty lucky in the craving department.

So why is it that today all I could think about was celery salt? If I had some in the house I would have probably just sprinkled it on my tounge. Honestly, I have never experianced anything like that craving. I don't even know if I like celery salt. I know there's a theory that says if you're craving something it's because your body needs it but ...... celery salt?

Help!

Someone needs to come over to my house and pry this box of cheese crackers out of my hands before I eat them all. Seriously, I'm like a crazy woman. I put them away but then they somehow end up in my hands again. I'm going to have to flush them down the toilet or something I think.

Tasty!

Doesn't mac n' cheese smothered with steak sauce sound like the best thing ever?

Oh my god, I'm going to be pregnant forever. Check out my ticker. It's never going to end.

Is anyone even reading this thing anymore?

Me and my buddy

My plan regarding my weight with my pregnancy has been to try to eat healthy but also to give in to cravings and eat what I want (within reason of course). So far it's worked out pretty well because most of my cravings have not been for things that are too terribly unhealthy or junky aside from that one time I wanted pork rinds.

Jesse "helps" by reminding me that I am eating for two now so it's ok for me to eat a little more. I have to remind myself that one of us has the caloric needs of a golf ball, not a linebacker so they probably won't be too much help in burning off that entire pan of brownies I'm considering eating.

Too many beans in my bean soup

I made a big pot of Spicy Black Bean Soup With Sausage and cornbread for dinner tonight. It's kind of think like chili but doesn't have a chili-like taste. I thought it was really yummy. Jesse said it had too many beans in it. Joseph wouldn't even touch it. He did however eat 2 HUGE pieces of cornbread. There was actual corn in it and he still ate it. After he took the first bite he said "This bread is kind of corny!" but he liked it.

This evening I was reading this bew book I got about raising children with AS and Joseph asked me what it was about. I told him it was about kids like him who were very special. He asked what made him special and I told him it was because he was very smart and he has a good imagination and he liked lots of things to be a certain way and a whole bunch of other things. Then he told me I was special too because I was his mommy and I was his buddy and I liked to play with him and I loved him. Darn him and his ability to make me cry like that.

Food porn

I can't stop watching the Food Network these days. I turn it on whenever I have a free moment and no matter what they're cooking I just can't make myself turn it off. Did you know that some people call mashed potatoes "smashed potatoes?"

I don't feel so good today. My head is pounding, my throat is sore and swollen, my entire body aches and I don't have what I need in the house to make this new recipe for smashed potatoes that I learned from watching tv.

Warning!

Eating too many Twizzler Sours will give you a little bump on your tounge that hurts like the devil.

In happeir news my dad's new Disney poll-thingy is up. Check it out!

Mmmmmm

Doesn't that new Twizzlers Sour candy sound like the tastiest, most mouth watering thing ever created? No? Then why haven't I been able to stop thinking about it all day long?

Pickle juice

Today Joseph and I stopped at Nelson Brothers for a donut after therapy. I noticed that they had a gaint jar of pickles sitting on the counter. Actually, it was about 3 pickels and about 2 gallons of juice. Casually (at least as casually as one can ask such a bizzare question) I asked the girl behind the counter what they did with the juice when they were done with the pickels. "Oh" she replied "We dump it out."

I stood there for a second wondering a) what must this person be thinking b) what had compeled me to ask something like that and c) how could I proceed with this conversation. After a moment of akward silence the girl raised an eyebrow and said "Why do you ask?"

Because I didn't want to her to think that I wanted the juice so that I could do something strange like bathe in it right there at that moment I cheerily replied "Because I want to drink it!"

As you go through life you will find that few situations are as uncomfortable as announcing to a perfect stranger that you would like to guzzle left-over pickle juice. Even Joseph was emberassed for me. I hastily explained that I was pregnant and it was just an odd craving. Little did she know that I have always liked pickle juice but I do blame the pregnancy for my asking this woman if I could drink what is essentialy trash from a deli.

After the woman laughed for a minute she very nicely scooped some into a coffee cup for me so that I could take it home. It's in the fridge chilling right now because as every true pickle juice lover knows it is much better when served cold.