Three things

The other day Elle was sitting at the table drawing a picture.  As she drew she hummed a little song to herself and swung her legs.  I looked over her shoulder and peeked at her drawing of herself playing on the playground.  "That's a really good picture sweetie."

"I know" she responded. "I'm a really good drawer."

Just like that.  Matter of fact.  She went back to drawing and humming in general feeling pretty content with herself.  She didn't hesitate to say that she was good at something.  She didn't argue with me and insist she wasn't really that good.  She didn't follow her statement up with "But you should see my friend!  She's really good.  I'm only a little good.  I need to get better."

I was so struck by that.  I don't remember ever having the confidence she has.  Maybe I did once, when I was her age but then if I had it when did I lose it and why?  Why did I go from being a self-assured little girl into a woman who has no faith in herself?

If you were to ask me what I was really good at I would say nothing.  That would be my first answer.  I can't keep my house clean enough, I'm disorganized, every time I try to make bread I fail miserably, I never went to college because math is to hard for me and I get anxious in new situations, I have terrible eyesight, I forget things all the time.  And that?  That's what I see when I look at myself.  When someone compliments me I deflect it and deny it.  When people compliment me on my photography my response is that they only think it's good because they don't know any better.  I mean, I have literally said that to people.  It's why I have done very little with my photography business (even though I started a facebook page for it).  I'm certain that I'm not good at it.

That terrifies me.  I don't want Elle to turn out like this.  I don't want her to think that she's not good at anything.  I don't want her to always second guess herself.

So I'm trying to change the pattern.  I need to start seeing what I'm good at so that others can see it to.  I need to let my daughter see me taking credit for the things I do well so that she can know it's ok to credit for the things she does well.  So for days I have thought about what three things I feel like I'm really good at that I feel comfortable acknowledging.  It was hard and I had to stifle a lot of doubt and insecurity but I came up with a list that I think is honest and true.

1. I am really good at canning.  I have a pantry full of applesauce, jams, salsas, tomato sauce, pickles and other canned goods.  I taught myself how to do it and I'm proud of that. 

2. I am good at making people laugh.  I am a funny person.  I have a good sense of humor and I'm not afraid to use it.

3. I am a really good mother.  (And to that I'll also add that I'm a really good surrogate mother.)  With me my children have love, care, security, laughter, learning, and an endless supply of apple crisp.  I'm not a perfect parent but I work on improving the areas where I make mistakes.

Phew!  That was hard.  But good!  It feels good to give yourself credit.  So now I want to hear from you.  What are your three?  No putting yourself down!  What are you good at?

One year ago today some people were assholes and needed to be treated as such.
Two years ago today I was maybe in a cult.
Four years ago Elle was the easy child. Hahahahahahaha.