Elle has become a talking maniac. Some of her new words are:
boot - This is what she says when she wants us to read to her. She says it like "book" but with a "t" at the end. If she hands you a book and you don't start reading right away she'll get grab it away from you and wave it in your face saying "boot" over and over.
bruish - This is what she says when she wants to brush her hair. She also likes to "bruish" our hair too. After her naps she likes to go into the bathroom to look in the mirror and "bruish" her hair.
poopa - This is what she says when she's poopy or if she toots. It's pretty cute.
base - This is her word for bracelet. She has a round teething ring that she likes to put around her wrist like a bracelet. Pretty much anything she can put around her wrist will be called a "base".
ca-ca - This is her word for cracker. It may not sound cute but it really is when she says it.
Elle is also starting to walk for real. She still crawls when she wants to get where she's going quickly but she's walking more and more. Sometimes if she's crawling somewhere I can tell her to walk and she'll get up and take 10 steps or so. She's getting so grown up!
Joseph is getting grown up too. Just yesterday I told him to do something and he yelled "No one commands me like that!" He seemed shocked that that little outburst earned him a timeout.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Elle has become a talking maniac. Some of her new words are:
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Here's a great tip for you! If your dishwasher drain filter gets clogged with food do not use the vaccum cleaner to clean out the soggy food and undrained water. If you do, your vaccum cleaner will stop working and your wife will get very irritated at you and wonder why in the heck you wouldn't just scoop the stuff out with a paper towel or something. I mean seriously. Why would you do that?
So keep your fingers crossed that our expensive vaccum cleaner will start to work again once all the pieces have dried out. Urgh.
In happier news, I got an awesome food processor and a KitchAid mixer for Christmas. I would like to cook with them but I can't right now because there are vaccum cleaner pieces drying all over my countertop.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
I'm going to bed in a second but I had to say how cute the kids were opening their presents from us tonight. Joseph was happy with everything we got him (even though we managed to get him a couple of small things he already had). Elle's eyes were a big as dinner plates no matter what we gave her. It was fun to see them so excited and happy.
Now I'm all full on the cookies and milk we left out for Santa and I'm headed to bed. I'll try to take at least one picture of the kids tomorrow to post.
Friday, December 22, 2006
I just wrote an email to my IFs. I debated it for two days, thinking what it should say and if I should even write it. I wanted to suggest that we get together for dinner and perhaps bring our kids along. Now that I sent it I'm worried that maybe I shouldn't have.
This is all like the aftermath of some kind of crazy first date. I'm sitting here worrying that maybe I tried to contact them too soon. What if they think I'm clingy? What if they think I'm too pushy? Augh. Why don't I know anyone I can ask about this? What is the proper amount of time one should wait to send an email after one has agreed to carry one's baby? What would Miss Manners say.
In other news I can't think of what to bring to Christmas dinner. This makes me crabby. I always get cooking anxiety and I'm certain that no one will like whatever I bring.
I have issues.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Joseph brought home a little "pinch pot" he made for me in school. I asked him how he made it and he said "It took a few days. First I made the pot and then we put it in a killer for 2 days to dry." Wow, that is some intense pottery.
Elle is starting to walk. She can take 3 or 4 little steps before she falls. The problem is that it doesn't seem like she really likes to do it. She knows she can get where she's going faster and easier by crawling. She'll get it soon though I'm sure.
I should be filling out the 1000 pages pages of paperwork that I got from the insurance company that is going to be covering my surrogacy. Just looking at the instructions made my head spin. I feel like I've been doing nothing but paperwork ever since I started looking into surrogacy. When do I get to the fun stuff, like giving myself shots in the butt twice a day?
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
The match meeting was awesome. I don't think a single thing about it could have gone better than it did. We sat and talked for two hours and I bet we could have talked for two hours more if we didn't each have other placed to get to. It was really, really great. I've got my fingers crossed that the case worker calls today and says that the guys for sure want to go ahead with this. (I already told her that we do.) I would be pretty shocked if they said no, it just went too well for me to think they would say no.
Since the guys don't have an egg donor selected yet I was told I could expectt a 2-4 month wait before the transfer. We'll just have to wait and see what happens now! I can't wait!
Sunday, December 17, 2006
I should go to bed but I don't think I'll get much sleep tonight. I'm starting to get a little nervous about the meeting on Monday. I should be nervous. All I have to do is get these guys to like me enough that they'll let me carry their child. Not pressure!
Maybe they're thinking the same thing though. Maybe they won't sleep tonight because they're worried about getting me to like them enough to agree to carry their child.
Well, wish me luck!
Saturday, December 16, 2006
My boy is back home. I think he got taller in the week that he was away. I know he got smarter. "Do you know Mommy" he asks me "that seagulls are very aggresive in California? You have to watch your food or they will eat it." He's such a little grown up sometimes.
It seems like he had a great time. Right now he's happily playing with Legos that he got in Legoland. Scratch that. Right now he's shrieking "Help me! Help me! because the Legos that he got at Legoland are not going together the way he wants them too. Ah, it's good to have him home.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
You will never be able to prove to me that it doesn't matter to babies if they are bottle fed or breastfed. Not after what happened to me this morning.
Elle was sitting on the bed with me as I was getting dressed. Before I had a chance to put my top on Elle came flying over to me with her eyes as big as dinner plates. She pointed at my chest and said "Na na!". Then she rested her head on my chest and softly, softly patted me as she made little yummy noises like she did when she used to nurse. When she finally pulled back she had a HUGE smile on her face and she kept saying "na na" over and over. For the next 5 minutes or so she kept resting her head on me and then burying her head in my chest and sniffing me.
I was really suprised that she reacted like that. She's been weaned for a little while so I didn't expect her to remember the word "na na" at all. I certainly didn't expect her to have a reaction like that to seeing me topless. I guess she has good memories of nursing. I have to admit that this makes me very happy. I hope that even though she's not nursing any more she'll still see me as who she can go to for comfort and protection and love.
So now I'll never believe that bottle feeding is as good as nursing. Not after that.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
My mom just called me from Disneyland. Or rather, the hotel near Disneyland that they are staying at. Joseph had such a bad melt down that my mom had to take him out of the park. Do you get that? My mom had to take Joseph out of Disneyland. If you know my mom and know how patient and understanding she is with Joseph then you know how crazy that is. She said he screamed all the way out of the park. I'm sympathetic because I've been there, done that. I know how those meltdowns can be. It's rough. I'm glad I wasn't the one dealing with this one.
Joseph is taking a nap now and we're keeping our fingers crossed that he'll do better when he wakes up. We'll see!
Update! I just talked to Joseph on the phone. He doesn't really seem to see what the big deal was. He's worried that everyone is being (in his words) too hard on him. Sigh. That kid.
I just got the best Google hit ever! what are the disadventages of having the internet in your home
Glad to be of help to spelling challenged people everywhere as they decide if they should go ahead and use that free AOL disk or not.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
My little boy is in California now for his week long vacation with grandma and grandpa. I miss him already. He called me when they had a layover in Las Vegas. He thought it was pretty cool that there were slot machines right in the airport. He wanted to play them too.
It sounds like he's already having a great time. I have to confess that I'm a little bit sad. I wanted to be the one who took him to Disneyland for the first time. I'm glad he's getting to see it and all but I still wish I was the one showing it to him. Sigh.
In other news, Jesse's office Christmas part was last night. It was pretty fun. About 20 different people stopped me to ask me if I was feeling better from my stomach flu. Jesse must have sent out a newsletter or something. It was a little bizzare to know that his entire company knew I had the poops.
Now I have to go brave the crowds to do a little Christmas shopping. Wish me luck.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
I was re-reading some of my stuff from the start of my blog. There's some kind of fun stuff in there. For example:
Joseph is attracted to dogs.
Joseph comments on my lovely lady lumps.
Jesse has the lamest reason ever for not watching the kids.
I talk about my fear of corn-backs.
Joseph wonders what his head is made of.
I want to kill someone for saying a word wrong.
A commercial gives me body hair anxiety.
Joseph wants to wash an old man.
Joseph wants a healthy colon.
Joseph talks about why you shouldn't take candy from strangers.
Joseph gets a 6 pack.
I eat trash from a deli.
I hope you enjoy these. I did.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Per Ben's suggestion, I will now be refering to my surrogacy journey as my surrogacy safari. So here's my safari update.
The PIPs called the agency and said they are "thrilled" that I want to work with them and that they can't wait to meet me and that I sound like I'm "perfect" for them. Jesse and I will be flying back to LA to meet them on the 17th/18th but at this point I feel very confident that we'll be safari-ing together. Then, the PIPs will become my IFs. Awesome.
Joseph has another flippin' cold and I am determined not to get this one. I've started using the Zicam mouth spray every 3 hours. It's supposed to taste like mint. I think it sort of tastes like watered-down mouthwash filtered through hot ass. It's pretty bad. But, yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and a stuffy nose and this morning I did not. So it's all good.
On Saturday I went to the Mall of America to meet up with 4 other Minnesota surrogates. It was a lot of fun and very interesting. All 5 of us are on our first surrogacy ..... um, not journey, but some other word for journey. One of the women is about 6 weeks pregnant and the rest of us are all just very recently matched. It sounds like several of us may be having transfers very close to each other.
Even though I had never met any of these women before it was really nice sitting and talking with them. We had a ready-made topic of conversation and within minutes of meeting each other we were laughing and talking like we had known each other for a long time. We hope to get together again after the holidays. It will be nice to be able to talk to some people who are all going through the same things.
Of course, all of this is assuming that my agency ever call me back.....
Friday, December 01, 2006
What was a thinking naming my last entry "Big PIPin'"? I've gotten about a dozen hits from people looking for that exact thing. I'm thinking they had to be a little let down with what they found.
In other news, no call from the agency today. I'm sure I won't hear anything over the weekend either. I guess that means either the PIPs hate me and don't want to work with me or that ...... they haven't decided yet for some reason. I don't know.
In yet other news, Elle took her first steps today. Ok, so they were more like little shuffles and it sort of made her move sideways rather than forward but I'm still counting it as her first steps. She's so proud of herself! She stands there with a big smile on her face and her chest all puffed out. It's cute.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
So what can I say about my PIPs (potential intended parents) without giving away too much about them? I want to respect their privacy but here's a little about them.
It's a gay couple from Minnesota. One of them has the same name as my dad and they have a son that they adopted and the son has the same name as my brother. Included with their profile was a picture of them at Disney World. They seem like they would be a really great match for me.
I already called the case manager I'll be working with and left her a message saying that she can go ahead and pass my profile on to the PIPs for them to look over. Assuming they want to work with me then the next step will be for Jesse and I to fly to LA again and meet them in person. We would meet at the agency first and then go out to eat together or something afterwards. Assuming we all still want to work together at that point, the next step will be for me to fly to LA again for the embryo transfer. This could take a little while to set up if they haven't already found an egg donor. We'll have to see about that when we get that far.
So, that's that. I'm so happy and very excited. This is just crazy.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
I forgot the cutest thing ever. Elle says "hi" now. It's the cutest thing ever. (If I had a dollar for every time I said that about one of my kids I would be a rich woman.) She's so cute when Jesse comes home from work. "Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!" She's also started calling Jesse "Mama" for some reason. It's funny because she used to say "dada" but now she says "Hi mama!" when she sees him. Who knows what goes on in that little head.
She's really, really close to walking. She can stand on her own for a long time but I don't think she's figured out yet what she needs to do to move forward. She's also been crawling on her hands and feet so I think she knows that's there's something she needs to do with her feet. She just hasn't put it all together yet. Soon though.
I am waiting, waiting, waiting for my agency to call. They said they would call after Thanksgiving with all my test results. I'm really not worried that there will be a problem but every time the phone rings and it's not them I get a little nagging doubt. What if they're not calling me because they don't want me and all that we've done is for nothing and I have to go back and start all over again with some other agency and why in the hell wouldn't they want my in the first place?
So I'm waiting, waiting, waiting. I told myself not to even think about it until the end of the week because my last appointment was on Tuesday 2 weeks ago and they said it takes about 2 weeks for all the results. I just have to force myself to stop thinking about it. I'm sure it will work out.
Waiting, waiting, waiting.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Dr Hot has written me a letter. It says "I haven't stopped thinking about you since the last time we met. Please call me so that we can set up a time to see each other. I can't wait to see you. PS, I've already cleared this with your husband."
Ok, so I had to read between the lines a little bit to get that. But I'm sure that's what he meant when he said "Your child is due for his/her regular dental check-up. Please call our office to set up an appointment. We look forward to seeing your child again!" Also, it appears to be signed by someone named "Ellen" but I'm not letting that fool me. I know what it really means.
Monday, November 20, 2006
I just got the strangest Google hit ever!
woman who's face looks like buzz lightyear
Some other strange ones:
"clean-out shot for dogs after giving birth" - The hell?
"nudity among family" - I hate when my innocent posts lead pervs to my blog.
"raven-symone who she got pregnant by" - I get a lot of these for some reason.
"has anyone in this family ever seen a chicken?" - Ha!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Last night I was putting Joseph to bed and he was not happy about it. We had the following conversation:
Joseph: I don't want you to put me to bed! I want Daddy to! I like him better than you! (crying, yelling, flipping all over the bed)
Me: Joseph, calm down and talk to me in a normal voice.
Joseph: I want Daddy! I like him more than you!
Me: That's ok, I like Daddy more than I like you too.
Joseph: (short pause) What?
Me: I like Daddy more than you.
Joseph: That's not a nice thing to say!
Me: No, it's not and I don't like it when you say stuff like that to me either.
Joseph: (long pause) Mommy, is there a more appropriate way to tell you that I like Daddy better than you?
Sigh. He's trying.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
We're back! The trip went pretty well I think. Some highlights for me included:
-Meeting the infertility doctor that will be doing my embryo transfer. He was hilarious. Anyone that could make me laugh while giving me a sonohysterogram is ok by me.
-Seeing the really beautiful part of LA. In case you're wondering, that part is the thin strip in between the tick layer of trash on the ground and the thick blanket of smog in the sky,
-The hotel we stayed in. It was really nice and it was fun to order room service.
-The doctor telling me I was a "golden surrogate" and that he was certain that I would be matched soon.
Some highlights for Jesse included:
-The $36 steak he ordered from room service. I had a few bites and it was the best steak that has ever been cooked. It just melted in your mouth. I want to go back!
-Watching "You, Me and Dupree" on the plane ride out there.
Some lowlights for me included:
-The above mentioned sonohysterogram. That hurt like a son of a bitch, I won't lie.
-A sandwich at the airport that had bread so hard that biting into it made my jaw pop.
-Watching "Broken Bridges" on the plane ride home. That movie was so bad it made me want to punch someone in the face.
Some lowlights for Jesse included:
-Very, very nearly passing out when they took a teeny, tiny bit of blood from him at the doctor's office. I'm sure he'll look back and laugh at that someday. I've already laughed about it. A lot.
All in all, it went well. We won't know anything for sure until after Thanksgiving when all the test results have come back but I'm really not expecting any problems. If it all continues to go forward without a hitch I could expect the transfer to be as soon as January or February. Eek! But for now it's good to be back home with the kids. I was a little suprised that I missed them as much as I did. It was strange being away from Elle especially. They did good though so that's a relief. (Of course, that doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to when I go for the transfer and have to stay at the hotel for several days. A vacation is always nice.)
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Yesterday Joseph, Elle and I went to the house of a little boy in Joseph's class for a play date. Joseph had a great time playing with the little boy and his younger brother and his mom and I had a nice time chatting. As we were getting ready to go the little boy pointed at me and said "Why is your tummy so fat?" His mother was mortified but I thought it was pretty funny. Joseph did not think it was so funny. He got really indignant and said "That's not her tummy! It's just her big, puffy breasts!"
Gee, thanks Joseph.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Joseph is at an age where he believes everything he hears on tv. If he sees a commercial he believes whatever it says. He wants every toy he sees on tv because he's certain it's the best toy ever. He wants to eat at every restaurant because he knows they have the tastiest food in town. He wants to buy every cleaning product they make because he knows it will make my life easier.
The other day we were watching some show or other and a commercial for Levitra came on. The commercial says "make sure you are healthy enough for sexual activity before taking Levitra". Joseph turns to Jesse and says "Daddy, you should take that. You're healthy enough for free activity. That's a good thing for you to take if you want to have some activity. What? Why are you laughing at me?"
Elle loves her Ba-ba. And he loves her. When I go to pick Joseph up from school Elle get's so excited when we get close. She starts hitting her car seat and saying "ba ba ba ba ba ba ba!" When she sees him come out of the room she always want to grab his hand or give him a hug. Then, when we get into the car they hold hands all the way home. They're so sweet. I'm glad they like each other so much.
Joseph has turned out to be a really good big brother. He always wants to know what Elle did while he was at school. Sometimes he sings songs to her and changes the words so that the song is about her. Yesterday he had a big meltdown at dinner and we reminded him that Elle was watching him to learn the right way to act at dinner. He got so worried! "Oh no! Now Elle might do this too! Don't do it Elle, this isn't the right way to act!" He wants so much to be a good example to her. He's a good kid.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
IDAT's son Jackson passed away last night. I cannot imagine losing a child and even being able to function. IDAT has already written a breathtaking, heartbreaking entry in her blog about it and I hope you'll check it out.
I am going to make a donation to this charityin Jackson's name. Check it out and if you would like to make a donation too then let me know and we can add them together. They accept donations via paypal so that's probably what I'll use.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
You know how when you go to the airport you see all those guys standing around holding signs with people's names on them? Do you ever wonder who it is they're picking up and why? Well, come Monday Jesse and I will be two of those people who have someone holding a sign with our name on it. The surrogacy agency is sending a car for us. I'm so excited about that for some reason.
The hotel we're going to be staying at looks really nice too. Too bad we'll only be there for one night. Also exciting is the ridiculously high food allowance we've been given. We could eat non-stop from the time we get there till the time we leave and we could still be within budget. This makes me much happier than it should.
Man, I'm so excited!
In other news, how is it possible that Patty Wetterling is losing this election? I thought she had it wrapped up. I wonder if my "Don't vote for Patty Wetterling, she let's her dog poop in other people's yards" smear campaign had anything to do with it. Probably not but you never know. You should have cleaned up after your dog Patty. It would have gotten you one more vote anyway. (And just to clarify I didn't vote for Bachman either. I actually didn't vote at all. So sue me.)
Monday, November 06, 2006
Jesse took the kids to his dad's house for a visit yesterday. I had the house to myself for six glorious hours. I don't remember the last time I was by myself for that long. It was wonderful. It was strange being away from Elle like that though. It's probably a good thing since she needs to learn to be away from me once in a while.
Jesse filled his dad and his wife (um, his dad's wife, not Jesse's) about the surrogacy. That went ..... not well. I guess it went about like I expected it to. It probably didn't help that Joseph was "helping" by telling them that I was doing it so that we could go on a cruise. Well, not everyone is going to be supportive and what really matters is how Jesse and I feel about it. We're the only one's who can really judge if we can do something like this and feel very confident that we can.
Some good news about Joseph! His behavioral therapist is now backing off her RAD theory. She really starting to think he has AS also. Hooray! Yet another person to tell me that my son is neuro-atypical! It's the best day ever. Ok, so I'm being a little sarcastic. I am glad though that she is more on the same page as us now.
As I type this there is a show on in the backgroud about "amazing" births. The story on right now is about a woman who wanted to give birth to her third child in the ocean. Yeah, I can't see how that would be dangerous or stupid at all. They actually found a midwife to help them find a good tidepool to birth in. Seriously? A fricken tidepool?
Saturday, November 04, 2006
No more nursing from here on out. Today I nursed Elle for the last time. I'm so sad! It's almost like she's not a baby any more. She doesn't need me any more. I can be away from her for more than a few hours at a time now. Sigh. It's a good thing I guess but man, I didn't know it was going to make me feel so sad.
Today I was hugging Jesse and Joseph said "Daddy, you should probably break up with Mommy. I think she's starting to over-love you." What a weird kid.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Looks like Jesse and I will probably be headed to California for a couple of days. We both need to go for a couple of appointments at the surrogacy agengy and we'll have to go soon. Like, less than 2 weeks soon. Yikes! Things are moving fast. But that's good! Now I just have to arrange for someone to take care of the kids while we're gone. I don't think that will be too hard. Who wouldn't want Thing 1 and Thing 2 at their house for a couple of days? Hello? Anyone?
There is some rough stuff ahead for IDAT and her husband. They are facing some decisions with Jackson that no parent should ever have to make. She's written about it here and I hope you'll check it out. Her words are so raw and so real that I feel like anything I say about her situation would just be silly and meaninless in comparison. If you do check it out, please leave her some kind words. Even if you don't know her I think it might help for them to know that people care. It's a terrible situation that they're in right now. I can't even let myself think about it too much, I've already cried enough today.
So, I'm going to try to focus on the good. I'm going to hug my babies extra tight today. Then I'm going to smile when I think about the night of blissful, child-disturbance-free sleep I'm going to get when we stay over night in California.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Elle and I are down to one nursing a day. I decided that from here on out I would only nurse her off the right side. That's the side that she prefers so we used to use that side more anyway. My left side? It's killing me. To be totally crass, I feel like my left boob weighs about 40 pounds. I suppose I better get used to it because I'm going to be feeling that way on my right side soon too. I figure Friday or Saturday will be the last night I nurse Elle. Wahhhh!!
What if I don't have any more kids and this is the last time I ever get to nurse a baby? Did I say I didn't want more kids? I take it back! I take it all back!
Please, please, please pray for Jackson. He's not doing so great and he could use the extra help right now. I can't imagine what his parents must be going through right now. It's ..... I don't know, my mind won't even let me go there. Just try to keep a good thought in your head for him today.
Monday, October 30, 2006
I got a flyer in the mail today from a group called Defending Moral Values. They wanted to inform me about such things as how same sex marriage is selfish, how abortion causes maternal depression and how telling our children to "tolerate" the homosexual lifestyle will lead to child pornography. It all makes perfect sense to me! Or, not so much.
When I read the thing I was annoyed enough to call them up and demand that they take my name off their mailing list. No phone number. I sent them an email telling them that I find their ideas offense and that I pretty much stood for everything that they're against. My guess is that now I'm on some kind of crazy list and I'm going to be getting more crap like this in the future.
I've told Joseph about what "gay" means. I've explained that when two people love each other what really matters is that they're nice to each other and treat each other well. He seems to understand it and think it's not big deal. Amazingly he has not yet been drawn into the world of child porn.
This group also focuses on how gay marriage is threatening "true" marriage. Uh, how exactly? They don't say. Can someone please explain to me how my marriage is affected AT ALL by any two other consenting adults getting married? If two people find each, fall in love and choose to spend their lives together doesn't that just strenghten the idea of marriage in general? I have yet to see one bit of evidence that John Doe and John Smitth falling in love hurts me (or anyone) at all.
These groups that try to hide their messages of hate under the guise of trying to protect children really bother me. I won't give a flying flip if Joseph would turn out to be gay. And although I hope she never finds herself having to make the choice I can honestly say I wouldn't be angry at Elle if she came to me someday and told me she needed to have an abortion. These are things that I could deal with as a parent. But let me tell you what would make me sick. I would be disgusted to find out that one of my children had ever sent out a flyer like the one I got today. I don't want to raise people like that. Hell, I don't even want to admit that they exsist.
If you agree with me then please shoot an email over to the folks at Defending Moral Values. Let them know that hate is not a value that your family promotes. I would say more but my phone is ringing so I have to go. It's probably those darn child pornographers calling again.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
A while ago I joined a message board for surrogates. It was really helpful and I got a lot of great answers and advice. I'm starting to notice something strange about it though. Nearly every single person in the forum (except for me) has these HUGE "signatures" at the end of each of their posts. They list how many kids they have, how many times they've been a surrogate, when they gave birth, what they gave birth to, the list goes on and on. It's like it's a competition. (Don't even get me started on how everyone there uses an average of 12 animates smilies per post.) Ever stranger is that many of the women there have screen names like "BigHeart" and "AngelMaker" and "GiftGiver". It all seems very self-congratulatory.
I'm also starting to notice a not-so-nice tone that some of the women have when someone new comes around asking questions about surrogacy. One woman actually told me that since I had such bad morning sickness no IP (intended parents) were going to want towork with me because morning sickness was just such a hassle. Bitch, please. It's not like I'm going to have them come over to my house and hold my hair back while I'm puking. I would think that if morning sickness was a problem then maybe my agency would have told me that! But stuff like that gets said all the time. I suspect that some of these women see surrogacy as such an awesome thing that they've done that they think they themselves are awesome and no one else can ever be awesome enough to do what they did. They've bought into the hype.
And there is hype. Every person I've talked to about this surrogacy idea says how great it is and how wonderful I am to do it and all that good stuff. And it's nice to hear that, it really is. I think it is a good thing that I'm doing. But do I think that it makes me the be all, end all Earth Mother, life giver? No, I think it makes me a person who wants to help someone have a family and gain something for my own family at the same time.
I don't want to become one of those surrogate zombies. I don't want my whole life to be about this. I've been talking a lot about it lately because there have been some significant developments with the agency. I'm sure I'll talk about it a lot more too as it gets closer. I just don't want it to be what I'm all about. I don't want to start calling myself "FamilyCreator". I don't want to give out virtual hugs to strangers via animated smilies. I don't want to be bitchy and territorial about the whole process. I never want to call my surrogacy a "journey". I really don't want to be a zombie.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
The horror...... the horror!
I'm sorry, but this thing just creeps the living shit out of me. It might be because when I was very young I spent the night over at the house at someone who had one. In the middle of the night I woke up to find myself staring into it's cold, souless eyes. It's like looking into death it's self. Even worse though was when it was talked because you could hear the motor whirring away inside it's head, making it's eyes blink and mouth move.
People, I beg of you! If you care about the mental health of your children do not buy them this toy. At $69.85 there have got to be cheaper ways to scar your kids for life.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Elle and I are coming to the end of our nursing road. She's down to just twice a day now. She's not totally happy about it but she's doing ok. Probably better than I am. It makes me so sad when we're cuddling up and she pulls my shirt up and tries to suck on my stomach. It actually makes it a little sad just to think about it.
I have to stop nursing her before I go forward with the surrogacy because I have to be on some medication for a while that you can't take while nursing. I'm also finding that I'm not enjoying it as much as I used to. When we do nurse Elle is squirming around, biting, pulling on my clothes and "talking". None of it makes for a very comfortable nursing session for me.
The good news is that I succeeded in my goal to nurse for a year. (Formula is fine what it's the only option available but I really, really think that babies should be nursed whenever possible.) Now Elle can go right to milk without ever having to go on formula. I'm really proud of both of us for sticking with it even when it was so hard in the beginning. For the first 2-3 months I hated nursing. Now though I think that it has given Elle and I a bond that nothing else could. Once we got it worked out it became something that we both really enjoyed. I'm a little sad to give that up.
I'll miss the way she'll suddenly stop sucking and smile up at me. I'll miss how warm and cozy she feels when she falls asleep on my lap, her tummy all full of milk. I'll miss the funny face she makes when she wants to nurse and I'm just not getting things ready fast enough. I'll miss her soft, contented sighs and the way she gently pats when chest when she's really happy to get to nurse.
On the other hand, I'll be really glad to have my boobs shrink back to normal size again.
Nursing has been wonderful for us and if Elle didn't like table food so much I would probably put off the surrogacy and continue to nurse for a while. But I feel like now is the right time for both of us to stop.
So if you happen to see me in the next couple of weeks and I'm sobbing as I stuff cabbage leaves into my bra, just keep in mind that I'm trying to wean.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
I just realized that I started off my last entry by saying that my day had been "sucky". Sucky? Did I turn 12 for a second there? Yeesh.
Becky and I went to the Women's Expo today. We got a ton of free stuff like lotion, eye drops, candy and notepads. We also entered about 10,000 different drawings. It was fun, good to get out of the house for a few hours even if it was just to battle my way through a crowd of 2000 people just to get a bag of fruit snacks.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Today started off kind of sucky as I got a call from yet another agency saying "You're great, you're perfect, we would love to work with you ...... but". The insurance was the problem again. I was getting a little down about the whole thing.
Then, a suprise. I got a call this afternoon from someone at the very first agency that I applied to. (They were the ones I really wanted to work with.) She said she had a Minnesota couple who wanted to work with a Minnesota surrogate. They were willing to bend the agency rules that surrogates deliver at hospitals that have a level 3 NICU and work with someone who could deliver at hospital that only had a level 2 NICU. Guess who that someone is? Me! Yes! Now it's not 100% for sure yet since they'll have to do the background check next week but I know that won't be a problem. Once I've had all my medical stuff done and met the couple things should be moving forward in the next couple of months. I didn't get any real info about the couple over the phone but the person from the agency said she would email me some details. I haven't gotten her email yet but that's no biggie. We were already "matched" based on our profiles of who we wanted to work with. We will have to meet later on and make the decision to continue or not but I'm not really worried about that not working out.
How awesome is that? The only drawback (and it's pretty tiny) is that I will have to go to an OBGYN and deliver in a hospital about a half hour away. That's nothing, I can deal with that. I am so excited! If this works out (and I really have a good feeling about it) I am taking the 4 of us on a Disney Cruise. Oh man, I'm pumped.!
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Today was one of those tough days with Joseph that leaves me questioning nearly everything about myself as a mother. Sometimes I'm too tough on him and sometimes I'm not tough enough. It's so rare that I feel like I've found the right balance with him. He's such a great kid but sometimes (like today) I feel like I don't even get to enjoy being his mother. I feel like I'm always dealing with a meltdown or trying to figure out how to best avoid future meltdowns or wondering what it is exactly that caused the last meltdown. At the end of most days I just feel exhausted. It's like I'm fighting a battle and I don't even know who or what it is that I'm fighting against.
There was a big screaming fit today at food therapy over macaroni and cheese of all flipping things. It was one of those yucky times where I just want to grab him by the shoulders and say "Stop it! Just be normal!" I hate that those thoughts even go through my head. Then I feel guilty for thinking that when he can't control the way he is so I let him get away with doing stuff that he can control. I don't know how to break us out of this cycle right now. It's rough.
So, no more kids for me. I'm already in way over my head as it is. Ask me again in 10 years or so.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Elle was supposed to have her one year pictures taken yesterday but she was too crabby from all her shots so we rescheduled for today. Today didn't go so good either. Elle was way crabby and wanted nothing to do with the whole thing at first. The photographer and I finally got her to smile and she had taken 8 pictures when Elle fell off the little bench she was sitting on. I grabbed and and caught her but in the process I managed to .... smash .... her face on the leg of the bench. Needless to say she started to cry right away. I can't say I blame her because her lip was gushing blood everywhere. It looks ok now but for a second there I was certain I had split her entire face in half. That was the end of today's picture taking.
Elle's never going to let me take her anywhere again.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Elle had her one year check up today. She had 5 shots and blood drawn. Poor baby. The doctor said she's the most perfect baby he's ever seen. Ok, I said that. He did say that she looked very healthy and that she has a beautiful smile. Always good things to hear.
Elle has really developed a real vocabulary recently. She says mama, dada, baba (Joseph), nana (when she wants to nurse), yeah, dow (down), annyang, he-ho (hello), no, cah-cah-chaaaa, goo gah (good girl) and nigh nigh (night night). Today she also learned what noise a dog makes. Ask her and she'll tell you "woo woo". Pretty cute.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Elle is a year old today. I can't even wrap my brain around that. A year ago at this time I had been in labor for about 12 hours and Jesse and I were on our way to the hopsital. How can that be? It seems like it was just yesterday. Now I look at my sweet and sassy little girl and I'm amazed at how much she's grown, how much she's changed. She's such an angel, we're so lucky to have her.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Today someone came to my site through Google after searching for "baby always has green boogers in her nose". I'm sorry I'm not able to offer some helpful advice.
Today some nice ladies came to the door to talk about forming a neighborhood watch. We talked about how we noticed how not nice the neighborhood had gotten recently. They seemed so sweet and good-intentioned that I didn't have the heart to tell them we're planning on getting the heck outta Dodge soon and that I wouldn't be able to help them with their neighborhood watch. It's a good idea but I think it might take more than that to change things around here.
We've been getting at least one phone call a day for some politician or another. I've started telling them all that I'm notgoing to vote. It seems to bother them but the fact is that there is no canidate for any office that I can throw my support behind 100%. They're all bad. Plus, my one little vote won't make a difference. This will be the first election since I was able to vote that I won't vote in. I feel so American.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Argh. I'm not in a good mood today.
Joseph's behavioral therapist has come up with a theory that Joseph a) doesn't have Aspergers and b)has Reactive Attatchment Disorder. This bugs me for a lot of reasons. I'm suspicious that one of ther big reasons for thinking this is that he's adopted. In fact she told me that a lot of adopted children have this. I guess I don't buy it. I would be less skeptical if she had said she thought he has RAD in addition for AS. I'm annoyed and I don't want to think about it right now.
I got a call from the surrogacy agency that I was working with. The key word there is "was". Turns out that there is not a hospital close enough to me that will accept their insurance. There goes that. Now I have to start researching agencies again and start the whole application/intervew process over. Bah.
If you're the praying kind then please continue to pray for baby Jackson. He's very sick right now and could really use a little extra help. Thankfully IDAT has gotten better and is now out of the hospital but she hasn't even been able to hold her little guy yet since he's so sick. It breaks my heart that they're having such a rocky start so, yeah, keep them in your prayers. (Oh, and thank you mom for doing the distance healing for him.)
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Joseph has never watched Arrested Development but he can do an impression of Gob acting like a chicken that just kills me. One day he was in another room talking to Jesse and I heard him (Joseph) say "What are you? A chicken? Cah-cah-chaw! Cah-cah-chaw!" He's now refined his impression and it includes arm waving, hand clapping and leg kicking.
Here's the kicker though. Elle has seen him do it so many times that now she does it too. She hears him do it and then, in her chirpy little voice she joins in with "cah-cah-caaaahhhhh!" We're also teaching her to say "Annyong". She's pretty close. The kid only just yesterday learned to say "nigh-nigh" but she can already to two running gags from AD.
In other kid news, the little boy who called Joseph a baby now knows how it feels to be called a name. Last week at school he bumped Joseph as he was taking off his jacket and Joseph called him the meanest name he could think of. Fortunatly the meanest thing he could think of was "ballerina". The teacher pulled them both aside and they all had a talk about how it feels to be called a name and how they can better handle problems. Joseph said they both learned a lesson and it seems to have taken care of the problem. If it comes back up again I'm going to have to teach him some better insults though.
If you have a few prayers or good thoughts just laying around feel free to send them IDAT's way. She just gave birth to her first child, a GIANT baby boy and they're both in need of a little healing power right now. She's one tough mother-trucker though so I know both she and baby Jackson are going to be ok but a few extra good wishes thrown her way couldn't hurt.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Turns out my elbow may not be fractured after all. I saw a doctor yesterday and he says he didn't see a fracture on the x-ray, he thinks I bruised my watchamacallit nerve (the one that hurts when you bang your funny bone). He took the splint off so that I can move my arm around because I guess that's supposed to help it get better. It may be helping, but damn! My arm hurts like a sonofabitch.
The good news is that I can now say that I've never broken a bone. Yes! The streak continues!
Saturday, September 23, 2006
This is a short post because I fractured my elbow yesterday nd now I can only type with my left hand. My right arm has a splint on it and is in a sling. I'll find out on Monday how long it will need to stay on but I bet it won't be for too long.
If you're wondering what it feels like to fracture your elbow the best way I can explain it is that it feels like you're hitting your funny bone over and over and over again.
It took me forever to type this. More later.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Yesterday Elle was playing with the tv remote control and somehow managed to purchase a pay-per-view movie. Add this to the list of things I never thought I would have to say as a parent: "No Elle! No buying Aeon Flux for $4.95! No bad Charlize Theron movies! The reviews are very bad Elle, very bad!"
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Not much going on here. The kids seem to be almost better. Elle still has giant, green boogers in her nose all the time and Joseph has a little bit of a cough but otherwise they seem ok.
The other day at therapy we ran into one of Joseph's little friends and they were so excited to see each other. His friend ran up to him and said "Joseph! Can you come to my house for a playdate?" Joseph's eyes got HUGE and he couldn't even talk. He was so excited when I said that we could work it out in the next week or so! The little boy seems nice and his mom (who also seems nice) and I chat every day when we come to pick our kids up. I'm glad he found a nice little friend.
One little boy in Joseph's class is not so nice. I guess he called Joseph a baby and was messing with Joseph's blanket at nap time. I talked to his teacher and she promised to keep an eye on things. When I told her the name of the little boy who did it she kind of made a face and said that she wasn't too suprised that he was the one. I figured it was better to be sure that she was aware of the situation since Joseph doesn't always know what to do when dealing with someone who's more aggresive like that. Anyway, the alternative was that I went into the classroom and grabbed the kid by the collar and shook him around for a while. As satisfying as that would be..... yeah, I probably better not do that.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
We are sick. Elle, Joseph and I all have big bad colds. Both the kids have ear infections too. We're a fun group to be around. Jesse knew I was feeling bad yesterday when he saw what I was wearing. I broke out my giant purple nightshirt. I haven't worn that thing since the night before Elle was born. This thing is huge. Even when I was 9 months pregnant it was loose on me. It's perfect for wearing when you're sick.
So now the kids are in bed and I am going to take a big dose of Nyquil and conk out myself. If you're in need of a good read then check out IDAT over there on the right. She's an awesome woman.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Joseph is done with physical therapy. He's met all of his goals so he's all done. Hooray! They'll re-evaluate him hin a year to see how he's doing and as long as no problems come up before that he's all done.
He'll continue going to food therapy, speech therapy and behavioral therapy once a week and I'm going to ask about having occupational therapy added to his schedule again. He still needs some extra help with writing and stuff so I think that might be good for him.
But for now it's nice to have one less thing Joseph has to do. He's pretty happy too. He told me that he's glad because now he'll be able to run faster at recess. Now I'm weepy.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Ok, so here's the deal. Assuming we can sort out a little issue with insurance coverage I will be working with a surrogacy agency in the next few months. If it all works out I will carry a pregnancy, most likely for a gay couple (or single person). I won't know anything for sure until they get get the insurance issue cleared up and I have no idea how long that will take. I also won't be able to move forward until Elle has been weaned since I would have to go on fertility drugs and I can't do that while I'm nursing. But I have been accepted by an agency and they say they think they could find a match for me pretty soon. We'll see what happens.
So that's my news.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Today I talked to Joseph's case manager (the person in charge of his special ed services) and she said what a funny he kid he was. She told me that she was talking to him in his classroom this morning and there was a little boy crying loudly while they were trying to talk. Joseph watched the kid for a minute and then said to his case manager "He's kind of a drama queen isn't he?" She told me she almost had to walk away from him for a minute to compose herself.
When I picked him up from school today he told me this: "All the lunch ladies at my school look the same. But a girl in my class told me her brother works in the lunch room. (long pause) How can a boy be a lunch lady? Unless maybe he wears makeup to look like all the others.....?" He's a funny boy.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Joseph loves school! He loves going out on the playground. He loves eating in the cafateria. He loves having a locker with his name on it. He loves storytime. He loves it all. I'm so relieved.
The only complaint he had was that at lunch the corn had "season" on it. I think he meant seasoning. I guess he only ate about 4 bites for lunch but he's pretty sure that tomorrow's lunch will be better. I'm so proud of him!
It's quiet in this house. Too quiet.
Joseph is at his first day of school. I miss him already. When Jesse dropped him off he offered to stay for a couple of minutes but Joseph told him that he was fine and that he could leave. When did he get so grown up?
Joseph's teacher seemed really, really nice. He has someone with him at lunch to help him out with all his food stuff and she seemed nice too. I think this is going be a good school for Joseph. He was excited because his classroom has Beanie Babies in it. He's so easy to please. I'll update later with how his day went.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Judy came by to see the kids today. At one point she said "Joseph, I'm going to use the bathroom ok?"
Joseph responded as any other 6 year old would. "Of course! In fact, I would be offended if you didn't!"
Such a funny kid! What am I going to do when he's at school all day?
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Joseph is keeping me pretty busy these days. I won't know what to do with myself once he's in school. Its going to be such a big change for all of us.
The other day I ran into a woman I used to work with that I haven't seen in 4 years or so. She asked where I was working and I said I was a stay at home mom. She laughed and said "Oh gee, that's a real rough life!". I laughed too but when I thought about it later I was a little annoyed. Most of the time if you were to ask someone what they did for a living and then laughed and mocked their career after they told you, it would be considered pretty rude. I'm guessing she wouldn't have liked it if I had said "Oh, and I see you're still working as a cashier! Really using your brain aren't you? Haha!"
Anyway, if she thinks it's so easy all the time I would invite her to come and trade places with me today. So far my day has included a 1 hour tantrum, Joseph stripping off his pants in front of 4 other people, a nose bleed from Elle throwing her head back against my nose and having to clean up a pile of runny poop from all over the bathroom floor. And the toilet. And the stairs.
So, in other news, there may be some news to announce in a little while but I won't really know anything until after September 11th. No, I'm not pregnant nor am I involved in a terrorist plot. I'll go into it further later. But for now I smell something stinky and I'm just praying that this time it's Elle.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
We are in the aftermath of a HUGE Joseph meltdown right now. There was spitting and pinching and hitting and kicking. It's like he just lost control and became a totally different kid. I'm at a loss here.
A while back we put him on some medication to try and help with some of his repetative behavior. It seemed to be helping but now I'm worried that the medication is causing some of the tantrums and meltdowns that he's been having. I just talked to a doctor yesterday who suggested splitting his dosage up and giving him half in the morning and half at night. I agreed to give it a try but right now I'm 2 seconds away from tossing all his medication in the trash.
The most frustrating part of all of this is not knowing what's causing all of this. Is it the medication? Is it the Aspergers? Is it just Joseph being a brat? Is he just going through a rough patch because he's nervous about school?
And now he's back to his usual happy self. He's playing so cute with Elle and she's just laughing and loving it. He's such a great kid usually so it's so hard to see him going through this. Augh! Frustrating!
And I'm sure that none of my frustration is caused by the fact that Jesse is at a fantasy football drafting, beer drinking, video game playing, movie watching weekend with his friends and I'm here dealing with this alone. No, I'm sure that's not it.
Jesse brought me something from the bakery today and the package it said it (the package) was made of corn. How do they do that? How can they make plastic out of corn? And why is it that if you try to lick it or bite it that it doesn't taste like corn?
Friday, August 25, 2006
Bloggers been acting up lately and not letting me post. That's ok though since nothing is new right now anway. I feel like I've been so busy this week but in reality I've accomplished nothing.
I made a really good white chicken chili last night. That was the highlight of my week I guess.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Today Joseph told me that I am the best mother that ever lived. Given the day I've had I would be satisfied if I could be sure I was even the best mother in the room whose name is Jennifer. (Yes, I call my living room "Jennifer".)
Joseph's going through some tough stuff right now and as of yet we've not figured out the best way to help him. I'm not sure if it's anxiety over school starting soon or excess energy because sports ended or that a butterfly in Japan flapped it's wings one too many times but something is making him really .... difficult.
Anway, Jesse and I are about to go out to dinner where I am certain I spend the whole evening stressing about Joseph.
Oh, and Elle can nod her head "yes" but sometimes she throws her head back so far that she gets distracted by whatever is on the ceiling.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
It's been a busy week and that is continuing so let me give you the short of it:
We have discovered 4 things that Elle does not like. Dogs, cats, Fig Newtons and spiders. She does like playing "So big!", clapping and shaking her head "no".
Joseph thinks he's treated like a servant but if you take him to Yankee Candle Company all the women in the store will gather around to coo at him because he's so cute as he picks out what candles he wants.
The long of it will follow later.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Joseph slept in his bed all night last night. This is HUGE for him. I'm so excited for him. He seems to think it's not such a big deal but it really is. I don't even know how long it's been since I woke up without him draped over my legs or hogging my entire pillow.
It's a good thing.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Joseph got a new bed yesterday. We finally got him a big boy bed. He liked picking it out. He liked picking out the new sheets and blankets. He liked watching the bed be set up. He liked putting the sheets on the bed. He liked adding all his stuffed animals to the bed. He liked staying up all night screaming for Jesse to come in by him. He liked finally ending up in our bed while I slept in his. (What can I say, the kid has a nicer mattress than we do.)
We'll try again tonight. Poor kid is having a hard time with it for some reason. So are Jesse and I since we weren't able to get much sleep.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Yesterday was the last day of Joseph's summer sports and they had a little party to celebrate. They gave ribbons to all the kids who participated. Most of the kids kind of sauntered up to get their ribbons when their name was called but not our Mr Joseph. He ran/skipped up and yelled "Yea!" several times. He was so proud of himself for getting that ribbon. He kept calling it his prize and he wanted to hold it when they did group pictures of all the kids. He's really, really proud of that ribbon.
We got Joseph's school supply list the other day. Cripes! It seems like when I was a kid all we had to have was a backpack, a lunch box and maybe a Trapper-Keeper when you were older. Joseph has a big old list of stuff he needs to bring plus we'll have to take him shopping for school clothes. Man, this kid just keeps getting more and more spendy. Who knew that was going to happen?
On the good news front, we have finally gotten Joseph in to see a behavioral therapist. We'll finally have someone who can work with him on some of his social and behavior issues that his other therapies weren't able to address. He'll see this woman (who looks like she 18) once every 2 weeks but she said that if we think he needs to come more often then we canbump it up to once a week. She seems really nice and Joseph liked her a lot too so we're feeling pretty good about this.
Oh, and quick Elle update, she's now able to crawl a couple of paces at a time before she drops down and scoots. She's scooting so quick that I can't set her down and walk out of the room. She's a demon, getting into everything. It's awesome.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
I've caved in and gotten myself a myspace page. I'm so hip. Several people that I went to high school with are on there too. The list includes:
- The guy I went to Homecoming with my sophmore year
- The guy I nearly killed in a car accident in a big ice storm
- A girl who I don't remember who now lives about 10 minutes from me. What a small world!
- A girl who once appeared on the old Sally Jesse talk show during the topic "My Parents Don't Accept My Inter-Racial Relationship".
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
We got a new toilet seat! We've been meaning to do that since we moved in but we just now got around to it. I wish we had the old one back because the new one is uncomfortable and oddly shaped. I don't think you can return a used toilet seat though so I guess we're stuck.
Well, that's all I guess.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
My advice to you is to never see a movie with me. I must have some bad movie going karma or something. No matter what movie I go see it always works out that the most obnoxious people in the entire theater end up sitting right by me. I must give off some kind of scent that attracts idiots or something.
Jesse, Joseph and I went to see Barnyard today (thumbs down by the way) and right behind me was a guy I will refer to as The Pointlessly Loud Laugher. He laughed at everything. A shot of an empty field? HAHAHAHAHA! A man walking? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! A dead cow? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And I won't even mention that the guy's wife and daughter seemed totally unable to control the volume of their voices and that when they walked in they spilled popcorn on my head and that when they got up to go to the bathroom the used the back of my chair to pull themselves up and that after the movie was over I went to use the bathroom and the mother and daughter were in there in the two stalls furthest away from each other and they were yelling to each other about how the popcorn they ate gave them such bad gas. Not that I'm bitter.
This happens to me every damn time I see a movie. What is it about me? What did I do to deserve this? How can I rid myself of this curse? I am not making this up! If you've been to a movie with me then post a comment telling people about what rotten luck I have at movies. Let people know how sad my life is and how they should buy me things off my wish list.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
I dropped Elle off with her godmother today so that Joseph and I could have some one-on-one time together. I took him to arts and crafts, then to lunch and then home to play some games and read some books and then to the library.
At the library I was humilated when they told me they couldn't allow me to check out books with my card until I paid off my ridiculous fees from nearly 4 years ago when I apparently lost a book that I honestly don't think I ever checked out. Seriously, do I seem like the kind of person who would check out "Trash to Treasure, Inexpensive Holiday Crafts"? I don't think so. Luckily Joseph has a library card of his own so they let him, the ultra-responsible 6 year old check out some stuff while his mother wildly pawed through her purse trying to scrape together the $42! needed to pay the library fee. (You know, I don't mind paying a fee if I owe it, but $42? For something I'm not even sure I had?) I don't know, I paid part of it but I think from here on out I'll always be sure to check books out on Joseph's card.
Anyway, Joseph and I had a really nice time together. It was nice to be able to devote 100% of my attention to him and I think he liked it a lot too. Several times he would say things like "I love you Mommy. I love to spend time with you! You are the best Mommy I ever met. I like to be with just the two of us." The funny thing is that without fail he would follow that up with a big sigh and say "It's just not the same without Elle around." Goofy kid.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Today at soccer Joseph was the goalie for a while and he blocked a shot made by one of the mean kids on his team. He did it all on his own. No one helped him or anything and it wasn't a soft, gentle kick. The coaches cheered and so did several kids on the team. I was so proud of him. I thought for a second I might get weepy but then I realized I couldn't because I had to fight off a swarm of killer bees that were trying to swarm at me and fly into my Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
On Wednesday at t-ball practice the lady who never shuts up talked to me for about 5 minutes straight. I couldn't say too much back to her because I was mesmerized by this giant booger she had hanging out of her nose. It kind of flapped back and forth when she talked. All I could think was that if she breathed too hard her booger would come shooting out and land on me and I would have no choice but to jump up and run around screaming "Get it off me! Get it off me! GET IT OFF ME!"
I also couldn't answer her back because I was afraid that if I opened my mouth to talk the booger might fly out of her nose and into my mouth. Then I would be dead because I would have to go home and gargle with bleach.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Elle is turning into a creepy-crawly maniac. If you put something she wants in fromt of her (like the remote control or a blueberry) she will creep towards it with this look intense look on her face. I don't think I saw her roll for something once today, she always crept towards it. I'm glad she's decided to stop being such a little slug. She's also getting into a sitting position without help now. She's also trying to pull herself into a standing position sometimes. All of the sudden she's become mobile. Ack!
It seems like the kids were up all night last night. For some reason Elle was really gassy and kept waking up. Joseph kept waking up too and even when he was sleeping he was grinding his teeth so loud that I could hear it in the next room. And now they've both been up since 6! I don't know how they do it but I would sure like some of that energy.
Monday, July 24, 2006
I had an interesting exchange with someone at Joseph's t-ball practice today. There is a lady that comes to watch her grand-daughter play sports every day. She also watches the girls little brother who's 2. Well, she doesn't watch him very well since most of the time he just wanders around the field picking up broken glass and drinking diet Mt Dew. Anyway, this lady is a real crab. So here's what went down:
Grandma, girl and boy are sitting in the dugout next to me watching the kids play. Boy takes a drink of water and spits it at the girl. Grandma says "Do that again and I'll smack you!" Boy does it again, grandma does nothing. Girl does it to boy and grandma again says nothing. Boy spits at girl again and grandma hits boy in the mouth. Hard. Boy stumbles back and cries. Grandma mutters "I don't know where he learns that stuff from". I think to myself "Uh, I think I might have an idea you stupid cow." I consider telling grandma that she's out of line but hold my tounge. Boy wanders around and cries for a little bit and then comes back and gets another drink. I can see that he's thinking about spitting again and grandma says "If you do it again I'll hit you harder this time." I jump in.
Me: "You can't hit him like that."
Grandma: (with a shocked look on her face) "What?!?"
Me: "If you hit him like that again I'll call the cops. It's against the law to hit a kid on the head or in the face like that."
Grandma: (to boy) "Ok, just do whatever you want then. I guess it doesn't matter if I let you run wild." (I was dying to point out to her that she had let girl spit without saying anything and that she always let boy run wild anyway but I held my tounge.)
After a short pause grandma says to me: "I guess you people don't think it's ok to tell your kids what to do. That's why kids think they can do whatever they want now."
Me: "Funny, I've never hit my kid in the mouth and he's never spit at anyone."
Grandma: "You people think you know how to raise kids?" (I'm not sure who she meant by "you people" here since I was the only other person in the dugout. Maybe she's been called on her mouth smacking before.)
Me: "It's not just me, it's the law. I could have called the cops the first time you did it but I'm telling you now that if I see you hit him again I will call."
Grandma: "Fine! We're leaving!" (She angrily collects boy, girl and their cans of diet pop and goes ..... to the other dugout.)
I did call CPS later and it turns out I was right. You cannot hit a child in the face or on the head like she hit her grandson. So. There you go. I'm not thinking I've stopped this crazy lady from every hitting her grandkid again maybe she won't be stupid enough to do it in front of me now. Anyway, it was an interesting day.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Jesse and I were eating jumbalya (how do you spell that?) for dinner and the spicy smell of it was really bothering Joseph. He was walking around plugging his nose and whining about it. Finally he decided to go out on the porch until we finished. As he went outside he dramaticaly cried "Why did I have to be born to parents who love soup?"
And now you know why we call him Drama Joe.
Hey, check out my nifty wish list on the right. Now, when you find yourself wanting to buy me something you can just check out my little list and buy me something off of that. Just think how much easier your life is going to be. Aren't I thoughtful?
Friday, July 21, 2006
This might be the best Netflix review I have ever seen. Some people really know how to bring the crazy.
"I think the movie is unbelievably real. It was a common practice at the time to carry human waste from one side of the village to the fields, then splash the waste around the corps as fertilizer. Well, maybe that explains why I cannot make myself a fan of "organic food". I think the film's director left out the girls and the women in these back-breaking scenes carefully enough not to upset his viewers, instead, he gave them a beautiful aura for the sake of art. I was 13 and a girl, carrying one bucket of waste with another girl. You'd be damned if you walked in the front and going downhill, you'd be damned if you walked in the back and going uphill. So we always ended up with waste spilled all over us. If the whole village was doing it, you'd be doing it just like the village people - nothing special - except they were so skilled that nothing spill over them. Naturally, I contracted hepatitis A, and multiple episodes of severe gastrointestinal disorders, physically under-developed but gained remarkable inner strength. Most interestingly, the villagers soon found out what my doctor parents could and could not do - it was just like the movie - layers of people circled around my folks with whatever ailments they had. After my father delivered our village Chief's baby boy and stopped his wife's massive bleeding - he gave my parents the permission of not working in the fields but practiced medicine in our hub."
Thanks for sharing!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
The lady who never stops talking at t-ball practice is an idiot. Yesterday she was blathering on and on about something or other and I was doing my best to tune her out. Out of the corner of my ear (I think that's a valid expression) I heard her say "My friend's kids all had bad colds and she brought them over to my house anyway. Now [her kid who's name I won't use] has a really bad cold too."
Wait, what? Your kid has a bad cold? Is that why his face was all coated in snot when you first got here? And now he's playing catch with my son? Seriously?
Ok, I know it's just a cold and not ebola or something but geez! Why would you do that? If you know your kid is sick then keep them home! You don't bring them to play with a bunch of kids who are right at the age where they are always sticking their fingers in their mouth/nose/whatever.
So guess who spent the whole night stuffed up and grinding his teeth? And guess who has been sniffling and coughing all afternoon? Poor Joseph. Poor Elle too because if Joseph has it it's only a matter of time before she does too. Poor me because if the kids get it, I'll get it. Poor Jesse because he's going to come home to a snotty, crabby group of people. I blame Talky McTalkpants.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Amanda was over yesterday and we were working on some plans for Gwen's bridal shower. We were talking about doing a game where you say the beginning of a saying and the guests have to finish it. Amanda was saying a couple of them and Joseph jumped in with some answers. It went a little something like this:
Amanda: "A man's home....."
Me: "....is a mess?"
Joseph: ".... is his wife's love."
Amanda: "Marriage is..."
Me: "....hard work?"
Joseph: "...a joy in your heart?"
You know he didn't get those romantic and poetic thoughts from me!
Elle sat up on her own today. I was playing on the floor with her trying to get her to crawl for a long time this morning. She was laying on her belly and I walked out of the room for about 15 seconds. When I came back in she was sitting up and chewing on a toy. Crazy baby! She hasn't done it again since but I made a big deal about it and ohhed and ahhed all over her. She just sat there and stared at me as if to see "Whatever crazy lady. It's no big deal."
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Since Joseph was adopted through the county all his medical expenses will be covered until he's 18. It's a good thing too. I was just looking at his bill for last month's physical/occupational/speech therapy and it's over $1700. His 1/2 speech evaluation alone was over $340. It's crazy how much this stuff costs. We're working on getting him in to see a behavioral therapist too and I shudder to think how much that would cost us if we were paying for it.
Having a child with sepcial needs is so much work sometimes but this is one aspect that I never really considered before. Most families who need these services don't have them paid for by the state. Yet, they're right there, bringing their kids in 2, maybe 3 times a week and shelling out big bucks for the help that their kids need. I'm so gratful that on top of everything we don't have that financial burden hanging over us. We're so lucky that we have access to these services without the restrictions of trying to decide if we can afford it or not.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Me: Joseph, I need some more money.
Joseph: Maybe you could get a job.
Me: What kind of job could I get?
Joseph: Maybe you could be a ...... a..... a octa-pah-nerd.
Joseph: A octa-pah-nerd. You know, a person who sells stuff and has a business and makes money.
Me: An entrepreneur?
Joseph: Yes, a octa-pah-nerd. You could do that.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
I'm going to tell this story and if you don't know Joseph you might wonder what's so amazing about it. If you know him then you'll understand what a big deal this is.
Last night I was talking to Joseph about different things as I was doing Reiki on him. I asked him what he thought about soccer so far and he had this to say:
"I like it. I like most things but not some things about it."
Me: "What part don't you like?"
Joseph: "I don't like how some of the kids call me 'little boy' and not by my name.
Me: "You know what you could do about that? You could-"
Joseph (cutting me off): I know, I already have a plan. I asked Alicia (his helper) 'Please help me tell those kids to call me Joseph' and she tells them to call me my name."
I was speechless. Here I was all ready to be the wise mom and give him the answer and he went and figured it out all on his own. I'm so proud that he was able to be that assertive. He knew it was bothering him and he found a way to deal with it.
I talked to Alicia about it today and she said there are a couple of boys who keep calling him that but that she keeps reminding them not to. Today she got right in one kid's face and said "You will call him Joseph and you will call her Rachael from now on. Do not call them 'little boy' and 'little girl' any more!" (Theres a little girl who plays soccer who gets picked on a little bit too.) I hope this takes care of it because otherwise I'm about to get in the kid's face myself. And I won't be so nice. This is the same kid who told Joseph "You stink". Little brat needs to change his ways.
But anyway, my big guy is amazing. I'm so proud to see how he's growing and changing. He never would have stood up for himself like that a year ago and he for sure would not have asked for help. What a great kid!
Monday, July 10, 2006
One of the little boys that Joseph plays t-ball with has a mother who has a severe case of motor-mouth. The woman does not shut up! During practice the parents sit in the dugout to watch and lord have mercy on you if you're the one stuck sitting next to this woman. She will talk, talk, talk, talk, talk the entire half hour. I know a lot about this woman. I know what school all her kids go to. I know their names and the color of their hair and what other activities they're in. I know her husbands name and what he does for a living and how they spent last weekend. I know know what her daughter does that annoys her husband. I know what her son's favorite kind of sports drink is. And all this is just stuff she talked about today.
If she starts talking to you then you're screwed. If you answer her back she takes that to mean that you want to engage her and she gets even more talkative. If you don't answer she takes that to mean that you want to hear what else she has to say and she talks even more. If you try to turn away and talk to someone else she butts right into that conversation and bring it around to her again.
The worst thing she does is the way she talks about the people in her life like I know them. She'll say something like "Well, you know how much Roger likes meatballs!" Ah yes. You know how Roger is with his meatballs. Ice-delivering, brown hair having, daughter hating Roger can't get enough meatballs.
The thing is that I don't want to be rude to this lady. I just want her to shut the hell up already. I'm afraid though that my inability to be rude will mean that she'll spend a lot of time talking to me during the next month and half.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Man, between Joseph's birthday festivities and 4th of July stuff I feel like we've hardly even been home the past 4 days. Some highlights included:
- Joseph getting so overwhelmed with opening all his presents that he had to whisper "Focus, Joseph. Focus!" to himself over and over.
- Joseph getting so overwhelmed by everyone being at his party that he had to run around and give everyone a hug and a kiss. This included Becky's boyfriend who he had never even met before.
- Joseph getting so overhwhelmed by the whole party experience that he had to gush "Thank you for coming everyone! You have no idea how much this means to me!".
- Joseph and Elle falling asleep during the 4th of July fireworks.
- Finding out that I did not lose my camera.
- Seeing Elle and Caden attack a plate of orange Jello.
All in all it's been a fun few days. It's nice to have nothing to do today though. We're all just going to take it easy this afternoon. I've got to go though now because Elle is sitting in her high chair and shooting me looks that say "Are you ever going to notice that I'm stinky?"
Monday, July 03, 2006
My little boy is 6 today! I can't even believe it. I can so clearly remember the day he came to us. He was so tiny I was almost afraid to pick him up. I never could have guessed that that tiny, fragile little baby could turn into the wild, crazy, wonderful and fantastic Mr Joe that we know and love today.
He woke up at about 6 this morning and said "Bingo! It's my birthday!" and then went back to sleep. Later, when he woke up for real and came downstairs he said "I can't believe I'm 6 today. I know I'm older but I don't feel any changes in me!"
Tonight's his big birthday dinner with a bonfire and fireworks to follow. Yesterday Joseph said "And the best part of my birthday is that Uncle Ben will be there. Must .... watch .... doves!" He can't even talk about Ben without saying the doves quote. Let that be a warning to you. Say something to Joseph once and he will forever associate that phrase with you. It will become your catchphrase. You won't be able to be around him without him saying it. He's such a funny, funny boy.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
The week without Jesse went ok. There was really only one day where I considered leaving Joseph at a gas station and my parents were able to help out on that day. (I think his new allergy medication was making him wild. I stopped giving it to him.) Otherwise it went pretty good.
Today was the first day of what has become Joseph's 4 day birthday celebration. Judy came and took us toy shopping and then out to eat. Joseph got a bunch of toys and a meal of fries and chicken strips. I had a really greasy chimichanga and a bunch of gas. I think he got the better deal there.
If you're not Nick Lachey ignore the rest of this post.
"Half the man"? Don't be a puss. You're far too good looking to be that upset over Jessica fricken Simpson. Jessica "Chicken of the sea" Simpson. Do yourelf a favor and grow a pair. And if you can't do that then take some of that divorce settlement money and buy yourself a pair.
That's all for now!
ps. Call me!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Remember how earlier today I said that soccer was going great? I spoke too soon. Today Joseph was being the goalie and he let a goal slip by him. A kid on his team yelled "You stink!" to him. The coach pulled him over right away to give him a talking to. If the kids' mom hadn't shown up just as practice was ending I would have had a few choice words for him too. Luckily Joseph had no idea the kid was even talking to him. He was just really not with it today. Usually he's a running, kicking machine but today he mostly just wanted to grab the ball. And cuddle it. And kiss it. Who knows what goes on in that little head of his.
I am crazy about the helper that Joseph has during soccer. She's a 5th grade teacher so she's used to dealing with kids. She mentioned to me that a couple of the kids playing soccer have a "bad additude" so she's already talked to them once about being nice to Joseph. She says if she has to she won't hesitate to get a little tough with them. It's like he has his own mafia looking out for him. She's also really good about getting him to pay attention and stay focused on the game. He likes her a lot too so it's all working out really well. Things are going great for Mr Joe.
Monday, June 26, 2006
I have aquired a Sam's Club membership. Before you know it I'll be frequenting the drive through at McDonalds to buy Joseph some pop. Then I'll stop in at Wal-Mart to buy formula, snacks for my combined NRA/anti/choice meeting and the new Ashley Simpson cd. Then I'll talk about how awesome Fahrenheit 9/11 was. Someone stop me before I get too far out of control.
No update this weekend because Joseph and I both had some kind of stomach bug. Mine resulted in me not eating for about 48 hours and having my back sieze up completly and Joseph's resulted in him throwing up all over our bed and having some of the worst gas man has ever known. We're both better now and it looks like Elle and Jesse managed to avoid catching whatever it was that we had.
On Friday I took the kids to the zoo and Judy joined us for part of the day. It was fun right up until the point where a fire alarm went off and they evacuated the whole zoo. I wonder what happened there.
Starting today Joseph will have a "helper" at soccer. There's a program here where kids with special needs can have someone help them with sports (and other types of activites) to kind of help keep them on track. I told Joseph that he's going to have an extra coach and he's all for it. He's excited because (as he says) she'll help him do his best. What a sweetie.
Joseph, Elle and I will beon our own this week. Jesse's going to be gone all week for work. This should be interesting to see how we all handle it. Pray for Mojo.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Joseph had his very first ever succesful dentist appointment yesterday. He had a check-up and cleaning and x-rays all with no problem. I found a dentist that has the magic touch! And it doesn't hurt that he's freakishly hot. Not that I notice that type of thing. Anyway, the whole thing went perfectly and Joseph even said that he had fun. He has not a single cavity or even any damage from the massive teeth grinding that he does at night. Even better news, Dr Hot says that the teeth grinding will probably go away all on it's own once Joseph gets all his molars in and that should be soon now.
Elle is getting another tooth! Thankfuly it's one of the center top ones and I'm sure the other one will follow soon. She's been kind of a bear the past fews days but that's not suprising considering she has 4 teeth that just popped though and 2 more that are probably very close.
In other Joseph news, his soccer practice is kind of hard for me to watch. Not all the kids are as nice as they could be and they aren't real patient with Joseph even though he's doing his best. He doesn't seem bothered by it though. He runs up and down that field like there's no tomorrow. He may only get to kick the ball once when they break into teams but he puts everything he's got into it. The rest of the time he just runs around yelling things like "Yellow team unite!" and "I try my best" and "I never give up!". Can you tell we've given him a pep talk or two. He was super excited yesterday because his team won 3-0 even though when he got the ball he kicked it halfway down the field in the wrong direction before the coach managed to get him turned around.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Jesse drives by our town's Planned Parenthood clinic every day on his way to work. He told me that every Friday there are protestors out there picketting. Here's the thing, that clinic doesn't even do abortions. They do lots of other good stuff like give women access to free or low cost birth control. They educate and inform women about their health and reproductive choices. They do pap smears and provide other health services. But some anti-choice group has decided to march around the clinc every Friday to try to stop women from even going into the place. The place that helps women avoid getting pregnant and having to choose if they should have an abortion or not. Tell me how that makes any sense at all.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Elle does not have one new tooth. She has three. The one on the bottom and two more on the top. Here's the strange thing. They're not the front teeth, they're the one's that are next to where the front ones should be. Have you every heard of such a strange thing? My baby is a freak!
Monday, June 19, 2006
Today Joseph had his first day of t-ball and soccer. I'm going to switch him out of t-ball and into bambam ball tomorrow. He'll fit in better there because the kids are younger and they work on more basic skills. Like not throwing your glove when you throw the ball. Which it seems is something Joseph needs practice at. He liked it a lot though so it was fun to watch him.
In soccer he is the smallest of all the kids and has the least experience. The group is really for kids 6-10 but I was allowed to sign him up for it since he'll turn 6 soon. There is no younger group for soccer otherwise I might have considered moving him into that. He really worked hard though. He ran and ran and ran the whole time. He was right in there with the bigger kids trying his hardest to get the ball. As he told the coach when he got to practice "I might be small but I'm quick!"
Elle tried to eat a pebble as we were watching Joseph practice today. When I fished it out of her mouth I discovered that she's got a third tooth. It's on the bottom, right next to her other 2. Silly girl hasn't even gotten her top ones in yet.
Blogger wasn't working for me yesterday so I didn't get to post this when I wanted to. Anyway, it's lame compared to what Ben said.
Happy Father's day to Jesse and my own wonderful dad. Both of you have children who are very lucky to have you as their father.
This weekend was busy! We spent all day at the Mall of America with Judy yesterday and Joseph just about ran us ragged. The kid has so much energy! Today we went to my parents house to grill kabobs. Or "kabobbys" as Joseph called them. I ate way too many as always. The trick though is to pass your empty sticks to other people so it look like they were the ones to eat so many.
As a Father's Day present to me Elle has started saying "Mama". So cute! It brought tears to my eyes to hear it. She really just learned how to make the "mmmmmm" sound so it takes a lot of working at it to get it out but it's just about the sweetest little sound you've ever heard.
Friday, June 16, 2006
We got a notice from the City Weed Inspector yesterday. Yes, apparently it's a real job. He told us that we had weeds over 8 inches long in our yard and if we didn't cut them then he would and we would be charged for the time. This has pissed me of for 3 reasons.
1) This notice was issued the day after Jesse cut the grass. The only weeds we can think of that might have been that long are either a few growing against the house (because Jesse had not yet used the weedeater) or in the strip between the road and the sidewalk. There is no grass in that strip, just weeds. It's not our fault, there used to be grass there and then they tore it all up when they redid the gutters along the street. Then they put in this shitty sod about 2 weeks before the first snow. All the grass died and there's nothing but weeds there. If you walk around my neighborhood everyone has the same thing. Big patches of dead grass with nothing but weeds that grow at 10 times the rate of the rest of the grass. Even the crazy lawn guy across the street has it.
2) The house across the street from us has been empty for about a year now and it's sidewalks were never shoveled in the winter and it's grass has not been cut in monhts. Why isn't some city bigwig making sure that yard is taken care of? We may not have the best landscaped lawn in the world but at least the grass is cut on a regular basis.
3) The house across the alley from us has 2 jumked cars sitting it the yard. This is somehow ok. It's ok to have gaint hunks of rusting metal in your yard as long as you keep the weeds around them cut to less than 8 inches.
Maybe the City Weed Inspector could use his power for good. Maybe he could do some undercover work to find out who it is that's allowing their dog to crap on our sidewalk on a nearly daily basis. As of yet I've been unable to figure it out and I would really appreciate some help in the matter. Maybe if he figured it out he could even wack the offender with his 8 inch ruler. That would make me feel better.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Here are some pictures from the Kiddie Parade the kids were in recently.
That's us before the parade.
Here's us during the parade. Note the look of pain on my face. I think it was from lugging 22 pounds of hula dancer around. Or maybe I was just reminding Joseph to wave.
Here's a shot of Hawaiin Joseph.
And here's one of Hawaiin Elle.
How cute are we?
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Joseph and I were sitting around eating dinner tonight when out of the blue he turned to me and said "I'm attracted to dogs."
I nearly died choking on my laughter. I asked him what he said. He looked as confused as could be and said "Why are you laughing? I just said I'm attracted to dogs!"
Ok, this time I couldn't hold back the laughter. Once I calmed down I asked him why he would say such a thing. His answer was "Well, when I'm around them my nose runs and my eyes get itchy. I think I'm attracted to them."
So yeah, he meant "allergic". "Attracted" was funnier though.
Joseph and I played outside for about an hour today, mostly chasing each other around and spraying each other with the hose. At one point he was running after me trying to spray me and he yelled "Come back here Mommy! I just want to tell you how much you inspire me!" Cute!
Joseph is in the kitchen playing very nicely with Play-doh. I'm sitting here quietly stressing out because he's mixing the colors up. He's happily chattering away making blue and orange and green creations and it's taking everything I have not to go over there and demand that he seperate all the colors RIGHT NOW!
It's going to be a busy summer for Joseph. On Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays he'll be playing t-ball and soccer. On Thursdays he'll do arts and crafts and then bowling. Plus, he's got a total of an hour and a half of therapy a week (and we may be adding more before the summer is out), plus, the library has a summer reading program he wants to take part in, plus we'll be trying to fit in visits to the pool and park. He has a goal to try to go all the way under this big spraying thingy (it's technical name) at the pool before summer is over. He's got a log going on.
In other news, Diet Dr Pepper continues to taste like hot buttered ass.