Friday, February 25, 2011

The Amazingish Race

Let's talk about The Amazing Race shall we? I have been a fan of this show since the first season. I think it's clever, exciting and fun. Well, most of the time it's those things. Once in a while it sort of sucks because a really lame team wins it all (FLO!) but most of the time it's pretty good.

This most recent season is called Unfinished Business and it's made up of returning, non-winning teams. These sorts of things can either go really well or really, really badly. Let's look at who the returning teams are (At the time I wrote this I had not yet seen the first episode. I will watch it as soon as I'm done here.):

Jet and Cord - Loved them. Loved, them, loved them, loved them. And I also loved them. Nice guys who kept their sense of humor and looked adorable in cowboy hats. I almost cried when they went out.

Margie and Luke - A mother and her deaf son. I wanted to like them, I really did. I liked them at first but then it became clear that Margie was kind of a screechy wench and Luke had a chip on his shoulder the size of .... something big. I was not sad to see them lose.

Amanda and Kris - Who? I don't remember them at all. Another boring, pretty couple who probably called each other "babe" a lot. Yawn.

Flight Time and Big Easy - This team of two Harlem Globe Trotters was another favorite of mine. They made some really stupid mistakes while racing but they just were so darned fun to watch. I hope they stick around.

Mel and Mike - I loved this father and son team. The dad is Mel is nearly 70 and the son is Mike White and they are awesome. I hope they stick around too.

Kent and Vyxsin - I hope these two get eaten by crocodiles in the first episode. If they manage to hang in there any longer than two episodes I will cry. These two goth/pixie/emo/punk/weirdos are just so very pleased with themselves and their non-conforming ways. It's just painful to watch. Why did they bring them back?!?

Gary and Mallory - Mallory was a fairly religious beauty queen and I did not expect to like them but this father/daughter team really grew on me. They were just to upbeat and nice and Mallory seemed to be having the time of her life. I hope they go far this time.

LaKisha and Jen - I liked them at first but less and less as their season went on. Then they were eliminated when one of them stopped to pee as they were racing to the end of that leg of the race. I hope that this time they know to pee their pants if that's what it takes to get to the end. You don't want to go out because of a potty break.

Zev and Justin - Best friends, one of them has Aspergers. Do I even need to tell you how much I loved them? They went out last time because of a lost passport. I cried. I will cry again if they don't win this time. Hell, I'll cry even if they do win. Seriously. I love them.

Ron and Christina - Christina seemed like a lovely person but Ron was an ass. It made me uncomfortable to watch this father and daughter team as berated and belittled her across every country they traveled to. They made it to the end but did not win. As they cried about their loss Ron said "For the first time I can finally say that I actually love my daughter." I hope Ron gets eaten by crocodiles this time.

Jamie and Cara - They operated in two modes: boring and abrasive. Plus, I was never able to tell them apart. Meh.

So who will it be? Who will win it all? I can't wait to find out! Unless it's Kent and Vyxsin. Or Ron.

Edited to add: NOOOOOOOOO!

Monday, February 21, 2011


Joseph has discovered teasing.

More accuratly, he has discovered that he can accuse people of teasing him.  If I had a dollar for every time he has screamed at us "You're teasing me!" in the last week I could afford to take the luxury cruise I need to take in order to recover from, um, this last week.

He yells at us that we're teasing him if we say anything about him.  Anything.  Even good things.  When I mentioned to Jesse the other day what a good job Joseph had done on his spelling test Joseph shreiked from the living room "You're teasing me!  You're saying I'm not good at math and that's teasing!"  When I tried explaining to him how I was not teasing him he accused me of teasing him by saying he didn't know what teasing was.

We even get accused of teasing when we're not talking about him.  Yesterday at dinner Elle was saying that if you went outside without a hat on then you might get snow on your hair.  "You're teasing me!" Joseph yelled.  "You're saying that because sometimes I don't wear a hat and I get snow on my head and that's teasing!"

When I told him a story about a time I was a kid and I fell off my bike?  Teasing.

When I asked him if he wanted peanut butter on his toast?  Teasing.

When I reminded him to put his school book away in his backpack?  Teasing.

When I said I thought a preview for a new movie looked dumb?  Teasing.

When I said the next person to accuse someone of teasing was going to have to sleep in the garage?  Teasing. Teasing! TEASING!

Oddly enough we're still able to do our "Rudest Family Ever" routine* without being accused of teasing.

I'm not sure if this is a case of him genuinely misreading what's really going on or if it's him being a little manipulative and trying to get a reaction out of us.  Either way it's driving me bonkers and I don't know how to get it to stop.  I suspect that like many things Joseph related it will just have to run it's course.  For whatever reason he needs to try this out and see how it feels.

I'm trying to be sensitive to the fact that really doesn't always get social cues and interactions.  It's possible that he really does think we're teasing him when we talk to him or about him... or dare to take a breath in the same room as him.  It's possible that he's sensitive about something else and he needs to get that out and screeching at us about teasing is a easy way for him to release some tension.  It's also possible that he's just being kind of a butt right now.

Whatever the case we're all kind of walking on eggshells right now.  No one wants to be the next one to incur the wrath of Joseph. 


*I taught this to the kids and it goes like this:
Person 1: That movie looks funny! (This can be substituted with any number of things looking any number of ways.  Cheese looking moldy, water looking dirty, car looking fancy, whatever.)
Person 2: You look funny!
Person 1: Your face looks funny!
Person 2: Your butt looks funny!
We are sophisticated and elegant.

Two years ago today my face collapsed.
Three years ago today Elle wanted malk.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Words With Friends

You may not know this about me but I enjoy playing Scrabble-type games.  I play a few of them on my phone.  I'm not very good at them but they're fun.  Plus they're educational!  I have learned that "qi" is a word.  I don't know what it means but it's a good way to use up a Q when you don't have a U.

Yesterday I got Words With Friends on my phone.  I've heard about this game a lot from my iphone having friends but it just came out for android so now even us tragically unhip folks can play.  I started the game up and started playing against a bunch of random people.  In the past I have found that Scrabble playing folks are a nice lot and I have never run into any weirdos playing against strangers.

Then last night I was doing really, really well in one of my games.  Probably the best Scrabble game I've ever had.  Woot for me!  Then the guy I'm playing against accused me of cheating.  Using my friendliest typing tone I responded that I was getting lucky and I didn't even know how to cheat in the game since this was my first time playing.

Then he called me a "cunt punch".

I thought about being offended but the pure absurdity of a person calling a perfect stranger a "cunt punch" over losing in a Scrabble game was too overwhelming to me and I had to laugh.

Then I used my friendliest typing tone again and I reassured him that I was not cheating.  Then I said if he wanted to be mad about anything he should be mad that he's so stupid and that he has such a small penis.

Now he's angrily sending me message after message that I am ignoring and I won't quit the game because I won't let him win by default and I won't play any more because misogynists are no fun to play games with.


Three years ago today I was insecure, with good reason.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Be sure to read to the end for the REALLY good news!

Last night I had a phone call with a new potential Intended Mother.  I had been nervous leading up to the call but it seemed to go really well.  When Jesse asked me about it I said "She was really nice!  She spoke perfect English!" and then I felt like an asshole and sort of a racist.  Really I just meant that even though this is an international couple I don't think we will have a language barrier to overcome.  So that's nice.  She also sounded really eager to move forward quickly and that's good with me.

Now I just have to wait and hear if she wants to move forward with me.  Fingers crossed!

But here's the really good news!  When I was done with the phone call I found Joseph laying on the kitchen floor (shirtless and wrapped in a blanket) (of course) and he looked at me and said "So how did it go?"

Did you get that?  He asked me how something I did went.  It wasn't something that involved him and it wasn't about video games or Vinylmation or 39 Clues books.  He wanted to know how something I care about went.  Ok, so he didn't really bother to listen to my answer but he asked!  It made me happy and that is the REALLY good news I wanted to share.

BUT WAIT!  As I was spell checking this I got a call that the Intended Mother wants to move forward with me!  Woot!  So now I have two pieces of good news to share.

Two years ago today I was sick ... in a lot of ways.
Three years ago today I shared Little A's birth story.
Four years ago today I did some drawings.
Five years ago today I was random.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Choices are hard

So I'm facing a BIG DECISION right now.  I didn't sleep at all last night because I was thinking and wondering and pondering and considering.

Nothing is official yet so I can't really share any details but the main point is that I have been presented with a really interesting surrogacy opportunity.  I have a lot of reasons to believe it would be a good match and that I would not regret moving forward with it.

The hitch is that this surrogacy would involve a straight couple.  This sort of terrifies the living bejesus out of me.  What if the intended mother is a total loon and gets jealous or starts acting weird?  I have a lot of evidence to indicate this would not be the case but ... I don't know.  I"m used to working with men.  I feel like I know where I fit in there.  Adding an intended mother freaks me out.

But, BUT, have I mentioned the benefits of this match?  They could be ... considerable.

So now I don't know what to do. 


One year ago today I knocked my kids around.
Four years ago today my babies were cute but some people were not.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

His girlfriend is named Lady Swimsalot

I'm feeling much better now, thanks for asking.

I had a good long talk with myself and said "Knock it off you ninny!" and now I'm feeling much a-ok.

Also I've lost eight pounds so that's good. I'm telling people I'm losing the baby weight.  I just don't tell them that it's the weight I gained two babies ago.  Seriously, within about three weeks of the twins being born I had lost all of that baby weight.  Little A must have created some super fat though because this stuff just does not want to leave me.  (Notice how I blame the baby for my weight and not the steady diet of cake and deep fried ham and cheese balls that I survived on.)

Also, I am tentatively exploring another surrogacy.  VERY tentatively.  I had a dream last night that I applied with an agency but they rejected my by sending me a cake that had "Sorry, you're too ugly" written on it.  I guess I might have some anxiety about the whole thing.  I sort of think I must be crazy to even consider going through the shots and the pain and the mood swings and the weight gain and the possible bedrest and the recovery all over again.  Then I open my email and I get a picture of Little A or The Boy and The Girl and my heart just about bursts with happiness and I think I would be crazy to NOT to it all again.

Also, the kids got their report cards last week.  Elle got 3's all across the board.  (That's the best you can get with this new fangled grading system they've got.)  Joseph also did extremely well.  He got mostly 3's and a few 4's.  (Older kids can get 4's.  Preschoolers have not yet earned the right to have 4's.)  Even in areas where he sometimes struggles he did well.  Clearly I have the smartest children in all the land.  I'm thinking of getting their report cards printed onto a t-shirt that I can wear out in public.  I'm just that obnoxious proud of them.

Also, I got to spend some time with my cousin's baby this past weekend and he is more delicious than I can even put into words.

Also, I have taken some steps towards getting this photography thing started (because I know you're not tired of hearing me whine about that yet).  It is scary but I am doing it.  Eek!

Also, my fish have intestinal worms that will just not go away. That's not such great news but it's on my mind so you're going to hear about it.

Also, we have a fish named Sir Poopsalot.