His girlfriend is named Lady Swimsalot

I'm feeling much better now, thanks for asking.

I had a good long talk with myself and said "Knock it off you ninny!" and now I'm feeling much a-ok.

Also I've lost eight pounds so that's good. I'm telling people I'm losing the baby weight.  I just don't tell them that it's the weight I gained two babies ago.  Seriously, within about three weeks of the twins being born I had lost all of that baby weight.  Little A must have created some super fat though because this stuff just does not want to leave me.  (Notice how I blame the baby for my weight and not the steady diet of cake and deep fried ham and cheese balls that I survived on.)

Also, I am tentatively exploring another surrogacy.  VERY tentatively.  I had a dream last night that I applied with an agency but they rejected my by sending me a cake that had "Sorry, you're too ugly" written on it.  I guess I might have some anxiety about the whole thing.  I sort of think I must be crazy to even consider going through the shots and the pain and the mood swings and the weight gain and the possible bedrest and the recovery all over again.  Then I open my email and I get a picture of Little A or The Boy and The Girl and my heart just about bursts with happiness and I think I would be crazy to NOT to it all again.

Also, the kids got their report cards last week.  Elle got 3's all across the board.  (That's the best you can get with this new fangled grading system they've got.)  Joseph also did extremely well.  He got mostly 3's and a few 4's.  (Older kids can get 4's.  Preschoolers have not yet earned the right to have 4's.)  Even in areas where he sometimes struggles he did well.  Clearly I have the smartest children in all the land.  I'm thinking of getting their report cards printed onto a t-shirt that I can wear out in public.  I'm just that obnoxious proud of them.

Also, I got to spend some time with my cousin's baby this past weekend and he is more delicious than I can even put into words.

Also, I have taken some steps towards getting this photography thing started (because I know you're not tired of hearing me whine about that yet).  It is scary but I am doing it.  Eek!

Also, my fish have intestinal worms that will just not go away. That's not such great news but it's on my mind so you're going to hear about it.

Also, we have a fish named Sir Poopsalot.

These fish will be the death of me

We're having some really good times at our house these days.  And by good times I mean times that make me grind my teeth in aggravation and worry.  Oh, don't worry, we're all doing ok.  There's nothing catastrophic.  The universe is just handing us our ass via financial water torture.

Drip, drip, drip.  It's just one little thing after the other.

First, a part of our house blew away.  It wasn't a big part but it turns out that it was the most expensive part.  Thank goodness it's just decorative and not essential.  We figured we could put off the repair till after Christmas when we could better afford it.  Ignoring it has worked out pretty well so far. Well, except for a couple of days ago when I was talking to a neighbor and he mentioned our blown apart house and said "Well, it's not too much of an eyesore .... I guess."  That's Polite Neighbor Speak for "Fix your house you damn hillbillies!"

Next I had my fake heart attack.  We'll be paying for this for the rest of our lives.  (It turns out that when you go to the hospital because you suspect that something is wrong they charge you the same amount even it turns out that nothing is wrong with you.  That hardly seems fair.  There's something wrong with that system.  I'm guessing Republicans are to blame somehow.) The medical bills aren't really too much of a shock to us.  Frankly something is always breaking or exploding or needing to be removed from my body so medical bills are just a way of life for us.  That's what happens when you have CHOFS.

Next Jesse's car died. Sort of.  See, the car still worked but the car's computer system thought the car didn't work.  The car's starter worked just fine but the computer thought it didn't work so it wouldn't let the starter work.  I can't even wrap my head around how stupid it is that we had to pay over $700 to fix a car who's main problem is that it's a hypochondriac. 

Last week our dishwasher died.  This may not seem like a big deal but it is to us.  We are dishwasher people.  We don't do well when we have to hand wash dishes.  If we didn't get a new dishwasher we were in real danger of becoming feral.  After two days of not having a dishwasher the kids were drinking out of measuring cups.  We're getting a new dishwasher later this week but in the meantime Jesse and I are keeping a running tab of how many sinkfuls of dishes we've done and I think that one of us* is hoping for sexual favors in return for all our hard work.

And then as if all these financial woes weren't enough to break us, I had to go and buy medicine for the fish because they have intestinal parasites.  It pained me to do it because the fish medicine was more expensive than the alternative of scooping out all the old fish, flushing them and then buying new fish.  I am somewhat attached to the stupid parasitic fish though so I guess I couldn't really do that.

We'll be ok.  We have enough money for food and we've got our blown part house to shelter us and we're able to afford stupid medicine for our stupid fish.  I'm not complaining.  Joseph is though. Yesterday he was asking me please, please, please, please buy him this and when I explained that I just didn't have the money to buy him that right now but maybe he could wait till his birthday he whined "Why don't you just have more babies so that I can buy whatever I want to?"

*me

Indecision

I have been a bit preoccupied lately.

First off I have a head cold of epic proportions.  I always get sick at this time of year.  In the past though I've had a collapsing lung or an exploding gall bladder so in the great scheme of things a head cold is not that big of a deal.

Secondly, the kids are driving me to distraction.  Having them both home all the time during winter break is a real adventure.  To quote my own facebook status "Damn, my kids talk a lot."

Thirdly, there's the fish tank.  Oh, the drama of the fish tank!  There's the male guppy who refuses to mate with any of the lovely female guppies we've provided him and instead spends his entire day chasing after a female platy or rubbing himself against plants in rather disturbing ways.  There's the male platy who spends all his time hiding in the castle acting rather sad about the fact that a guppy is moving in on his action.  There's the ghost shrimp who Joseph took one look at and said in a Very Serious Voice "I hope I can resist eating them."  It's all very dramatic and fascinating I assure you.

Fourthly, I cannot find my regular tweezers or my backup pair of tweezers.  Ladies of a certain age will know why this is a problem.  I know I could buy more tweezers but I never think of it while I'm out.  I only think of it when I'm at home and I look in the mirror and wonder why Dumbledore is staring back at me.

Fifthly, I am wrestling with what I can only describe as a Big Decision.  I made Major Progress last night and took a Big Step forwards this morning but I still feel anxious and jumpy about the whole thing.  I think I was waiting until I didn't feel anxious and jumpy but that was never happening so I'm just trying to live in the moment and be ok with the jumpiness.

Lastly, I took a picture of Joseph playing in the snow and I think it is the first time ever that I have asked him to smile and he gave me a nice, natural, happy looking smile.  I think he is such a handsome boy!  NO real problem here, I just like to show off my kid.

One year ago today I told a story about sex ed.
Two years ago today I had 1000 blog posts and no gall bladder.
Three years ago today some people had no tact.

A fishy miracle

I walked in to the kitchen to find that the kids had pulled chairs up to the fish tank and were sitting and watching it closely.  "I foresee many hours spent this way!" Joseph said with a big smile on his face.

It was cute but also kind of sad since there were no fish in the tank yet.

Yesterday I attempted to make the situation a little less pathetic by buying a couple of interesting yet hard to kill snails to put in the tank.  Elle came with me and she picked out a white snail, a yellow snail and a blue snail.

When we got them home we discovered that the blue snail really likes to climb the towers of the castle we have decorating the tank.  We have named him Flynn Ryder.  We named the yellow one Rapunzel and the white one Maximus but sometimes Elle calls him Poker Face.

And then!  Then!  Something amazing!  When we dumped the snails into the tank we discovered that there was a tiny baby fish in the bag from the fish store.  We don't know what kind of fish it is or how it got into the bag but right now he's happily swimming in a little isolation tank inside our aquarium. 

We're debating what to name this little fish.  So far Lucky is the winning name because it can easily be changed to Unlucky if it dies.  I suggested Jesus because he's small and he miraculously appeared at Christmastime.  My family vetoed that name which I sort of think means they hate Jesus but what are you gonna do.

Tomorrow we'll attempt to add a couple of ON PURPOSE fish to our ACCIDENTAL fish family.  The kids will be so happy to have something to stare at for hours at a time.  Until then I'll be praying that our miracle baby fish doesn't die because I don't want to have to always look back on this as the Christmas I killed Jesus.

One year ago today I was 24 weeks pregnant and huge. (And people told me I was pretty.  Haha.)
Two years ago today Frosty got it on.

Fish tank ... OF DEATH

In many ways Jesse and I are very different people.  One of those ways is the how we make decisions.  I get some information, think it over for a minute and then quickly make a decision/form an opinion/act, sometimes hastily.  Jesse gets some information, considered it for a good long while, gets some more information, thinks about it for some time, gets more information, ponders it for a while, gets some more information, wonders about it and then continues on that path for the rest of his life never having ever fully committed to one opinion or thought or course of action.

Now I'm not saying that one of us is right (me) and one of us is wrong (him), I'm just saying that we do things very differently.  To a certain extent it's a good thing.  We can balance each other out sometimes.  The downside of course for Jesse is that for every one decision he makes in our family I've already made 47 others PLUS decided on the thing he was debating and oh, by the way, I also disagree with whatever decision he came to.

Sadly for Jesse I kind of tend to not give in once I've made up my mind and I can be a little persnickety when I'm trying to get my way.  Thank goodness most of the time we're able to settle our differences of opinions with a minimum of angst.  MOST of the time.  Not all.  Not in the case of the incident which shall hereafter be known as The Time Jesse And I Almost Got A Divorce Over A Fish Tank.

You see, for Christmas this year we decided we would get a nice big fish tank as a family present.  We all agreed that it would be something we would all enjoy.  So far so good right?

The choosing, purchasing and getting home of the fish tank went pretty well.  We wanted to get the tank set up several days before Christmas so that it would be ready for fish by Christmas Eve.  (The tank has to run for a few days before you add fish.  It's science.)   The putting together of the tank stand went well.  Then it all sort of went to hell.

We put the tank on the stand and then put the gravel in the tank.  I was ready to add the water but then Jesse suddenly decided he wasn't ready to make the step of adding water.  He was worried that perhaps the tank was not sitting straight.  I pointed out that the stand (the stand that was manufactured and purchased especially to hold a fish tank) was not wobbly and that we could see with our own eyes that it was straight.  This was not good enough for Jesse.  He was convinced that if we added water to the tank if it was anything less than 100% perfectly straight then the tank would tip over.  I again pointed out that the stand was straight and even.  He pointed out that it looked even but that it was possible that our house was built sloped and that we just didn't know it.  I pointed out that he was insane.  He pointed out how the instructions that came with the tank said to be sure your tank was sitting on a flat surface.

My argument "They just mean to be sure that the tank is not sitting someone that is obviously slanted.  They don't mean 'Woe unto you who has a house that is built with one side of your floor 1/4th of 1/8th of 1/100th of a centimeter lower that the other side for you shall never know the joys of fish ownership!'"  Jesse's argument: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!"

He refused to let me put water into the tank until he had gone to work the next day and was able to bring home a level from his work toolbox.  That would put us a whole day behind on getting the fish tank ready meaning that on Christmas Eve we would have to say to the kids "Merry Christmas children!  Here's some water!"

I then pitched a little fit and drove to my parent's house to borrow a level.  When I brought it home and checked the stand I discovered that it was - prepare for a shocker here - perfectly level.  Now we could add water.

Not so fast!  Now Jesse was worried that if we added water there might be a leak in the tank and we wouldn't notice.  I calmly pointed out that I would be standing right there as I filled the tank and I would notice if was leaking.  He calmly pointed out that it might be a really small leak and I might not notice it and then we would all go to bed and overnight all the water would leak out and we would all drown and our house would have water damage and obviously he just cared more about our safety than I did.

It finally occurred to me that even though we had talked about the fish tank and agreed to the fish tank and BOUGHT the fish tank Jesse was just not yet ready to commit to the fish tank.  I knew that if we left the fish tank preparation up to him we would not have a working fish tank until Elle was seventeen. I made an executive decision and filled the tank with water.  (Fun fact - we did not all die from a defective fish tank.)  Not a drop leaked out and it didn't tip over and the water was able to start getting ready to receive fish.

And the story ended happily.

That is until I wanted to plug in the filter so that it could start running and Jesse said he didn't think we should do that yet.  No reason, he just didn't think we should.  (Maybe he thought our crooked house also has defective wiring and if we plugged the filter in then the whole thing would explode and we would all die because I was selfishly trying to run the filter.)

And then I pelted him with fish tanks supplies until he left the room and I could run the filter in peace.

The end.

Death incarnate