Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Fish tank ... OF DEATH

In many ways Jesse and I are very different people.  One of those ways is the how we make decisions.  I get some information, think it over for a minute and then quickly make a decision/form an opinion/act, sometimes hastily.  Jesse gets some information, considered it for a good long while, gets some more information, thinks about it for some time, gets more information, ponders it for a while, gets some more information, wonders about it and then continues on that path for the rest of his life never having ever fully committed to one opinion or thought or course of action.

Now I'm not saying that one of us is right (me) and one of us is wrong (him), I'm just saying that we do things very differently.  To a certain extent it's a good thing.  We can balance each other out sometimes.  The downside of course for Jesse is that for every one decision he makes in our family I've already made 47 others PLUS decided on the thing he was debating and oh, by the way, I also disagree with whatever decision he came to.

Sadly for Jesse I kind of tend to not give in once I've made up my mind and I can be a little persnickety when I'm trying to get my way.  Thank goodness most of the time we're able to settle our differences of opinions with a minimum of angst.  MOST of the time.  Not all.  Not in the case of the incident which shall hereafter be known as The Time Jesse And I Almost Got A Divorce Over A Fish Tank.

You see, for Christmas this year we decided we would get a nice big fish tank as a family present.  We all agreed that it would be something we would all enjoy.  So far so good right?

The choosing, purchasing and getting home of the fish tank went pretty well.  We wanted to get the tank set up several days before Christmas so that it would be ready for fish by Christmas Eve.  (The tank has to run for a few days before you add fish.  It's science.)   The putting together of the tank stand went well.  Then it all sort of went to hell.

We put the tank on the stand and then put the gravel in the tank.  I was ready to add the water but then Jesse suddenly decided he wasn't ready to make the step of adding water.  He was worried that perhaps the tank was not sitting straight.  I pointed out that the stand (the stand that was manufactured and purchased especially to hold a fish tank) was not wobbly and that we could see with our own eyes that it was straight.  This was not good enough for Jesse.  He was convinced that if we added water to the tank if it was anything less than 100% perfectly straight then the tank would tip over.  I again pointed out that the stand was straight and even.  He pointed out that it looked even but that it was possible that our house was built sloped and that we just didn't know it.  I pointed out that he was insane.  He pointed out how the instructions that came with the tank said to be sure your tank was sitting on a flat surface.

My argument "They just mean to be sure that the tank is not sitting someone that is obviously slanted.  They don't mean 'Woe unto you who has a house that is built with one side of your floor 1/4th of 1/8th of 1/100th of a centimeter lower that the other side for you shall never know the joys of fish ownership!'"  Jesse's argument: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!"

He refused to let me put water into the tank until he had gone to work the next day and was able to bring home a level from his work toolbox.  That would put us a whole day behind on getting the fish tank ready meaning that on Christmas Eve we would have to say to the kids "Merry Christmas children!  Here's some water!"

I then pitched a little fit and drove to my parent's house to borrow a level.  When I brought it home and checked the stand I discovered that it was - prepare for a shocker here - perfectly level.  Now we could add water.

Not so fast!  Now Jesse was worried that if we added water there might be a leak in the tank and we wouldn't notice.  I calmly pointed out that I would be standing right there as I filled the tank and I would notice if was leaking.  He calmly pointed out that it might be a really small leak and I might not notice it and then we would all go to bed and overnight all the water would leak out and we would all drown and our house would have water damage and obviously he just cared more about our safety than I did.

It finally occurred to me that even though we had talked about the fish tank and agreed to the fish tank and BOUGHT the fish tank Jesse was just not yet ready to commit to the fish tank.  I knew that if we left the fish tank preparation up to him we would not have a working fish tank until Elle was seventeen. I made an executive decision and filled the tank with water.  (Fun fact - we did not all die from a defective fish tank.)  Not a drop leaked out and it didn't tip over and the water was able to start getting ready to receive fish.

And the story ended happily.

That is until I wanted to plug in the filter so that it could start running and Jesse said he didn't think we should do that yet.  No reason, he just didn't think we should.  (Maybe he thought our crooked house also has defective wiring and if we plugged the filter in then the whole thing would explode and we would all die because I was selfishly trying to run the filter.)

And then I pelted him with fish tanks supplies until he left the room and I could run the filter in peace.

The end.

Death incarnate


Lindsay said...

Haha. Thanks for the giggle. And Merry Christmas!

Cathy said...

Hilarious! and oh so familiar lol

Just recently discovered your blog and I love your sense of humor!

Have a great holiday!

Swistle said...


Stimey said...

Dude, you people are a lot like me and Alex. What are the odds that both of our husbands would be wrong ALL THE TIME?

Anonymous said...

Great story! I smiled the whole way through it! Jesse has an analytical mind...and sometimes he doesn't know when to stop analyzing and just get on with it. I'm glad that you two balance each other out! Fish Tank looks wonderful! Can't wait until I can see it in person!

MIL Judy :)