Wednesday, December 08, 2010


You know how when you're dating someone they'll do something that's kind of annoying but you figure you'll just learn to live with it because you're in love all that crap?  And then eleven years later you find yourself thinking "Oh my god.  If he takes a drink of milk and then swishes it around in his mouth before swallowing it one more time I am going to murder him in his sleep."?  Yeah, that's pretty much where I am.

Jesse is a swisher.  He swishes his drinks around in his mouth.  Sometimes when he doesn't have a drink he'll just swish spit in his mouth.  It drives me absolutely nuts.  I don't think he even realizes that he's doing it most of the time until I snap at him "Stop swishing!"  I know it doesn't seem like a big deal but that sound just hits on every sensory issue I have. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl.

Now I also have to deal with Elle.  She's taking after Jesse* and she has become a master spit swisher.  She's CONSTANTLY making noises with her mouth.  Swishing, puffing, blowing, clicking, clucking and then more freaking swishing.  It's making me lose my mind.  I know it's just a habit that she'll grow out of sooner or later but in the meantime I have gone totally batty.  I even get madder at Jesse for doing it because I'm so irritated from listening to Elle do it all day.

Short of removing my family's saliva glands what can I do to make the swishing stop?

*This is not the only way Elle takes after Jesse.  She also thinks her gas is very funny. She laughs whenever she toots.  And she toots A LOT.  "Ahahahahahaha!  I tooted like seven times in a row!  Ahahahaha!  Can you smell it Mama?  Is it going in your nose?"


Jen said...

I have no good advice, because if Nathan keeps chewing with his mouth open and/or scraping his fork with his teeth, I may soon become a widower. Amelia is doing the fork biting thing now and it makes me want to puncture my own eardrums with a ballpoint pen.

Sara said...

My brother hums when he eats. Every. single. time. It drives me nuts. Even after I ask him to stop, he'll stop because he doesn't realize he's doing it and then like a minute later, he's back to humming. I feel your pain.

Shannon said...

OH MY GOD I know EXACTLY what you mean! Maybe I am ridiculously uptight but little things like that drive me nuts. Particularly mouth sounds (chewing, slurping, smacking, etc.) of any kind drive me bananas. If I knew how to stop it I would be a much less stressed out lady! :) Good luck!!!

Anonymous said...

Ear plugs ladies....that's the only solution! And remember, you probably have some annoying habits that drive other people absolutely bats!

Merry whatever you celebrate!


Swistle said...

Oh, I do indeed know what you mean, OH YES I DO, and if it seriously helps ANYONE to consider their own annoying traits I will EAT MY HAT. Annoying is annoying, and remembering that I sometimes don't look where I'm flossing is not going to help me tolerate the CONSTANT THROAT-CLEARING OMG THE THROAT-CLEARING.

Anonymous said...

You do realize once something is on the internet it's there forever! This means all these lovely pictures of your children will always be there. Do you know who loves pictures of little children? PAEDOPHILES!!!!!