Merry Christmas!

Happy Holidays my friends!

I hope your day is filled with good cheer, good company and good food (even if you're not celebrating Christmas today).  But if you are celebrating Christmas I hope your day is also filled with good presents.

Good tidings of comfort and joy!

A fishy miracle

I walked in to the kitchen to find that the kids had pulled chairs up to the fish tank and were sitting and watching it closely.  "I foresee many hours spent this way!" Joseph said with a big smile on his face.

It was cute but also kind of sad since there were no fish in the tank yet.

Yesterday I attempted to make the situation a little less pathetic by buying a couple of interesting yet hard to kill snails to put in the tank.  Elle came with me and she picked out a white snail, a yellow snail and a blue snail.

When we got them home we discovered that the blue snail really likes to climb the towers of the castle we have decorating the tank.  We have named him Flynn Ryder.  We named the yellow one Rapunzel and the white one Maximus but sometimes Elle calls him Poker Face.

And then!  Then!  Something amazing!  When we dumped the snails into the tank we discovered that there was a tiny baby fish in the bag from the fish store.  We don't know what kind of fish it is or how it got into the bag but right now he's happily swimming in a little isolation tank inside our aquarium. 

We're debating what to name this little fish.  So far Lucky is the winning name because it can easily be changed to Unlucky if it dies.  I suggested Jesus because he's small and he miraculously appeared at Christmastime.  My family vetoed that name which I sort of think means they hate Jesus but what are you gonna do.

Tomorrow we'll attempt to add a couple of ON PURPOSE fish to our ACCIDENTAL fish family.  The kids will be so happy to have something to stare at for hours at a time.  Until then I'll be praying that our miracle baby fish doesn't die because I don't want to have to always look back on this as the Christmas I killed Jesus.

One year ago today I was 24 weeks pregnant and huge. (And people told me I was pretty.  Haha.)
Two years ago today Frosty got it on.

Right up to the bitter end

They never could agree on the true Reason for the Season.

Let's compromise and not be tacky

Jesse and I are locked in heated battle.

Over the Christmas tree.

You see, I follow the school of thought that says you put the tree up the weekend after Thanksgiving and take it down the weekend after New Years. I think that's pretty reasonable especially when you consider that I grew up in a house where the Christmas tree was always taken down the day after Christmas. In fact, I remember one year when our tree was out on the curb on Christmas Day.

Jesse follows the school of thought that says you put the tree up the weekend after Thanksgiving and then take it down never because you're just going to have to put it up next year again anyway.

Our difference of opinion led to a major clash this past weekend wherein I threatened to go to the basement and drag all the Christmas decoration boxes upstairs by myself thus sending myself into labor and then would have to go on bedrest and he would have to raise the kids all by himself for the next 12 weeks and I hoped he would be happy then.

Jesse was unmoved. He insisted that we do the tree next weekend. I insisted that we do it right that second. He asked if we couldn't compromise and do it next weekend.

Great, not only do I have to tell him why it's tacky to leave your Christmas tree up past New Years Day now I also have to explain what a compromise is.

As I write this the tree is still standing there in the living room, mocking me. I'm halfway considering dragging it over to the stairs and shoving it in the basement, light, ornaments and all. I love having the Christmas tree up during Christmas but now that the holidays have passed I hate it.

I'm not being unreasonable here right? I mean, I think we can all agree that people who leave their Christmas trees up past New Years Day deserve to die a thousand painful deaths. That's reasonable right? So back me up here people. Maybe if enough people help me nag Jesse he'll compromise and do things my way from now on.

One year ago today I pooped and the world laughed with me. (It's my most popular post ever.)
Four years ago today I made soup. Weeeeee!!!! Not my most popular post.

All I want for Christmas is a small person to walk in front of me and hold up my belly

I guess my all cake diet is paying off at last. I am now five pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight, all of it gained in the last four weeks. Funny, it's only five pounds but I feel HUGE.

Maybe because I am. I am 24 weeks pregnant but measuring at 33 weeks. I'm developing my own gravitational pull. If you value the lives of your smaller children and pets then you'll want to keep them away from me. If they come too close they're likely to be pulled into my orbit. Need photographic evidence? Ok, you asked for it.

Oh, did I mention that being pregnant makes me forget how to put on make up and not look like I've been spending the last 6 years in a root cellar?

Otherwise the pregnancy is going well. My blood pressure is fine and my cervix is long and closed. And you know the old saying: As goes the cervix so goeth the world. Or something like that. Anyway, all is right with the world my cervix.

Now I just have to figure out ow I'm going to get through the rush of the next few days. I still have shopping to do, presents to wrap, a house to clean and food to cook. Honestly, these days I get worn out just climbing out of bed so I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to get it all done this year. Combine my surging hormones and a healthy dose of the Christmas spirit and I spent most of the last five days on the verge of laughter or tears, alternately hating and loving every person on the planet. I'm creating some fun holiday memories for everyone around me.

I doubt I'll be blogging again before Christmas. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and that you don't get snowed in. Unless of course you WANT to get snowed in and in that case I hope you get snowed in for days. Or at least until you Christmas cookie supply gives out.

Happy Holidays! (I'm not one of those people who gets all pissy about holiday greetings and demands that everyone enjoy hearing "Merry Christmas" this time of year. What's the point of wishing someone a "Merry" anything if your entire point in doing it is just to shove your personal beliefs down people's throats? What's so wrong with "Happy Holidays"? I mean, I say "Merry Christmas" to people I know celebrate Christmas but otherwise I try to be more sensitive to what other people might be thinking about the whole deal. And apparently parentheses make me ramble on.)

One year ago today Frosty got some.

Happy Birthday Chris! Or whatever your name is!

Shortly after Jesse and I were married he told me I was a hypocrite for celebrating Christmas even though I don't believe in God*.

He told me I was a hypocrite.

I'll let you think for a second about how well that went over.

After I had let him out of the garage I explained that the reason I celebrate Christmas is that it's a tradition. My family's traditional Christmas never included any religious aspects at all. We never went to Midnight Mass or had a nativity scene or anything like that. I don't think my parents ever even discussed with us the religious significance of Christmas. For us Christmas was a day of food and family and presents and, when we lived in California, sometimes driving up into the mountains to see "snow". Also known as "little slabs of ice that you could sort of slide on if mom and dad remembered to bring plastic bags with for you to sit on".

I recently recounted the story of newlywed Jesse and I to my mother-in-law and without pausing or missing a beat she said "It's true, you are a hypocrite." My mother-in-law reads this blog and I'm sure she'll give her own version of events in the comments (in 3...2...1...) but trust me, I'm telling the real story here.

Now I do not believe that celebrating Christmas even though I don't believe in God or Jesus or virgin births makes me a hypocrite. I believe that Christmas is just as much my holiday as it is the Pope's ... or, I guess my mother-in-law's.

For me Christmas is about good food and time with family and goodwill towards your fellow man and the spirit of giving and some kick-ass day after Christmas sales. Those are the values and meanings of Christmas that I want to pass on to my children. Those are the traditions I hope to give them. I hope that when they have children if they chose to celebrate Christmas (either in the traditional sense or in the "hypocrite" sense) they'll remember things like how Jesse and I let them hang all the ornaments on the tree even though it meant that only the bottom three feet of the tree got decorated. Or how we would buy toys to donate to Toys for Tots each year. Or how we would all pile into the car and drive around and look at Christmas lights and listen to Christmas music and end up with sore cheeks and bellies from laughing so hard at some of the tackier displays.

Joseph recently told me that people celebrate Christmas because it's the day Chris was born. He had no concept of who Chris was he just knew it was "something about God". After clearing up a few facts I explained that was why some people celebrated Christmas but that's not why we did. I told him about the traditions and feelings I associated with Christmas. After a long, thoughtful he said "So Christmas is just a good time to love each other?"

Yeah. Not everyone gets it but my kid does and that's good enough for me.

*He's not even religious. He just likes to be a pain in the ass.

Three years ago Joseph came home from vacation.

Merry Christmas to some!

I hope that the next two days see you happy, healthy, warm and surrounded by loved ones. I won't say Merry Christmas to all but I will say that no matter what religion you are, no matter what you celebrate or don't celebrate, I wish you nothing but good things this Christmas.

For me, part of December 25th is goodwill towards my fellow man. Yes, all of them.

And for me, part of December 26th is wishing my fellow man would get the hell out of my way so that I can reach that wrapping paper that's 75% off.

Happy Holidays!

Christmas Crazy! (Or, how Frosty got his groove back)

We have a family tradition where we like to dress the kids in pajamas, pile them into the car with warm blankets and drive around looking at Christmas lights until they fall asleep. I always think it will be so nice to get out and enjoy the beauty and the wonder and the glow and the blah blah blah. The truth is that every year we just end up mocking every one's efforts and giggling at how tacky their yards are. Oh, don't get me wrong, our yard isn't any better. We're just as tacky as the next family. In fact, I think most Christmas displays are tacky. It's just hard to do it tasteful. And as long as people are putting it all out there, well, then we're going to point and giggle.

It really takes a special Christmas display though to make your eight year old cry ou "What is that snowlady doing to Frosty!?!"

The snow is covering the bottom if this thing up so you can't really tell but she's actually straddling Frosty. It's so disturbing. So disturbing in fact that I had to drive by it during the day to take a picture of it. It wasn't until I had taken about five pictures that Joseph said "Uh, Mommy? Do you know they're standing in the garage watching you?"

Oops. Sorry folks, but some Christmas crazy is just to good not to share. Click here for more crazy fun!

Not exactly a religious family

Joseph: Mommy, do you know why they call it Christmas?

Me: Why is that?

Joseph: Because it's the day Chris was born.

Me: (long pause where I muffled my laugh into my hand)

Joseph: You know Chris? The son of God? Get it? Chis-mas!

Me: Where did you hear all this?*

Joseph: I don't know. I read it in some dictionary.**

*I had to ask because a while back a couple of his friends were giving him a hard time when he told them he didn't go to church or believe in God. It's all straightened out now but what he told me at the time was just so darned sweet. "I was frustrated because I just wanted them to understand how I feel! Everyone can believe different things and we can still be friends." Seriously kid, there are adults that haven't figured that out yet.

**Yes, I think it's possible that he was reading a dictionary. He's in second grade and reading at a sixth grade level. He's also very innocent and where a lot of kids his age would be looking up "penis" and "sex" and swear words, he looks up things like "Christmas".

Explain Yourself! - The Christmas Ornament Edition

You are 19. You go to a party. It's the first time you ever really drink. It's the first time you ever get drunk. You spend the better part of the night eating a watermelon soaked in an unknown alcohol. You have a great time. You do some stupid things. You spend the next day hung over and sick as a dog. From that day on you get ill at the mere sight of a watermelon. You confide in your aunt about your wild watermelon induced night. She buys you a watermelon Christmas ornament. You start to question your family's taste level. You hang it on your tree. You hang it on your tree. You start to question your own taste level. For some reason your kids love the watermelon ornament and cheer when you put it up. You hang it every year even though it always make you cringe a little bit. And you still can't eat watermelon.

Panic mode

Do you have your Christmas shopping done yet? I don't!

I do this every year. I wait till the last second and then panic. Oh, I know there's still time now but trust me, I know me. I'll be in the exact same boat three days before Christmas. Maybe this year if I panic with a few weeks time left I'll be ready by the time Christmas gets here.

This year we're going to try something a little different with the gifts that we give everyone. We're going handmade. And by we I mean me. Jesse doesn't do handmade. And by everyone I mean everyone other than the kids. I don't see a handmade Lego Batman Wii game going over very well around this house. I would go into more detail but several of the people who are getting the handmade gifts read this blog and I want to put off the disappointment surprise as long as possible. As I get further along into the process I'll detail some of my efforts on my other (neglected) blogs. And won't that be fun boys and girls?

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go hunt down this one website that I vaguely remember seeing once that had this thing on it that I wanted to make but I really don't remember any of the stuff you needed to do it or what it looked like and also I might have just dreamed the whole thing. I love the holidays.

It's the most wonderful time of the ...... ah, forget it

Bah humbug.

Has anyone seen some extra Christmas spirit laying around? I seem to have lost mine.

I don't know exactly when it happened. Was it when the afternoon of mother/son cookie baking that I planned out got derailed because Joseph decided he would rather spend the whole day reading a video game strategy guide than interacting with people?

Was it last night when I hobbled to bed with an aching back after Jesse and I finished all of our Christmas wrapping that we stupidly put off until the very last second?

Was it this morning when I was woken up by Joseph screaming and sobbing into my face that "eve means morning and that means I get to open presents now and not later!" and "Why do we even open presents at night when we won't have time to play with them?"

Was it later in the morning when I had to break up not one, not two, but three screaming fights between the kids over an empty cardboard tube?

Or is it that I've spent the entire morning snatching half-opened presents out of Elle's hands and then having her cry and pout and yell "No presents later! Presents now!" at me?

I know it will get better. I know it will get better. I love Christmas. My family loves Christmas. I love my family. My family loves presents. This will be a good day.

I just have to remember to focus on the little things that bring me joy. Like the fact that when I went to the mall yesterday I somehow managed to snag the very best parking spot in the entire place without having to wait for hours or fight it out with anyone. Seriously, it was beautiful. I'm going to be telling my grandchildren about that parking spot someday. Ahhhh, I can feel the Christmas spirit returning even as I type this......

Christmas mania

Help me! I am out of control! I cannot stop buying Christmas presents for Joseph!

I keep going out intending to buy for the other people on my list but then I just end up with a crat full of stuff for Joseph. I can't help it though. He's just really, really easy to buy for and just about everyone else I have to buy for is really, really hard.

I get great satisfaction out of finding the "perfect" gift. The problem is that I keep finding the "perfect" gift for one person over and over while everyone else on my list remains unbought for.

I think I might be acting out on some guilt I feel over Joseph's first Christmas with us. He was still our foster child at the time and we were being told on a weekly basis "He's going to go back home any day now. Expect it to happen at any time." I went to a used children's clothing store and bought him a big bag of clothes. I thought it would be of good use when he was back living with people who didn't know how to provide for his basic needs. About two days before Christmas I realized that he would be with us for the holidays and I went and got him a coupleof cheapie baby toys somewhere. And that's all he got for his very first Christmas. Yeah, I still feel a little crummy about that.

So now I need to make up for it by buying him everything that he expressed even a mild, passing interest in. Movies, computer games, Wii games, a Nintendo DS, art supplies, Tech Dudes, Cars cars, puzzles, board games, I'm out of control!

I hope Elle won't mind watching Joseph open presents for three hours while she sits there with her new pink bike and pink helmet and ..... not much else.

Sigh.

Merry Christmas!

I'm going to bed in a second but I had to say how cute the kids were opening their presents from us tonight. Joseph was happy with everything we got him (even though we managed to get him a couple of small things he already had). Elle's eyes were a big as dinner plates no matter what we gave her. It was fun to see them so excited and happy.

Now I'm all full on the cookies and milk we left out for Santa and I'm headed to bed. I'll try to take at least one picture of the kids tomorrow to post.

Post Christmas stuff

I hope everyone had a good Christmas. We did here. Joseph was (very neary) a perfect angel at the big family get together. No repeat of the Thanksgiving melt-down, thank goodness.

People seemed to like the stuff I made for the Christmas potluck. And by "people" I don't mean Jesse because he refused to try the torta I made because he doesn't like tomatoes and it had sun-dried tomato pesto in it. He's so persnikity sometimes.

Yesterday I went after-Christmas shopping and spent too much buying stuff I didn't really need. Oh well, it's only once a year and I got some really nice stuff. Jesse watched the kids for me all day so it was also a really nice break and a chance to get out of the house. I could tell Elle missed me though because she wanted to nurse non-stop after I got home. It was weird being away from her for so long. I missed her. I used to not seeing Joseph all the time since he's not in school or will spend the day with my parents but I'm not used to being away from Elle.

Ben came over for a while and had a nice time talking about his book and other random crap. It's good to have a brother that you can talk about random crap with.

Jesse's bringing home chinese food tonigh. Life is good.

I always forget

I keep meaning to update the blog but then I just forget. I'm working on a long post about the top 5 evils in America though so that will be up soon. Seriously, it's awesome.

I'm taking Elle in for a second attempt at getting her pictures done tomorow. Keep your fingers crossed for us. I'm sure she'll be fine. Now that he cold is gone she's back to her regular happy self.

The past few night Elle has been sleeping for 4 hour stretches. Hooray! Who knew that 4 hours of uninterupted sleep could feel like such a luxury?

I'm thinking about looking into getting Joseph a PCA (personal care assistant) to come for a few hours every week. They could help him with stuff like dressing (he still needs a lot of help for a kid his age), hygiene (again, he needs a lot of help and reminders) and teaching him other personal care stuff. The goal would be to help him learn to do the stuff on his own better, not to just have someone else come in and do it for him. They could also do things like teach him socail skills and different ways to interact with people. If we did something like take him to the library then the PCA could come along and kind of help guide him when he needed it. We're so lucky that all of Joseph's medical expenses are taken care of, it gives us a lot of options that we might not be able to afford otherwise.

I can't believe how quickly Christmas is coming! I haven't done any shopping yet. None. Zero. Zip. I need to get on the ball but I have a feeling I'm going to end up giving everyone I know things like my old tupperware because I've just run out of time. On an unrelated note, does anyone have some old used tupperware they could give me? I need it for ....... a ....... project. Yeah, that's it. A project.

Merry fricken' Christmas

My mom and I took the kids to get their pictures taken yesterday. I wanted to get some of Elle alone and then some of them together to use as our Christmas card this year. What a fiasco! Elle wasn't feeling well and cried and fussed almost the entire time. Almost without fail every time we got her to have a content look on her face Joseph would start acting like a little monkey. The photographer would put him in a pose and we would get both of them looking at the camera and then just as the picture was about to be taken Joseph would throw his hands in the air and shout "Goose berries!" or something equally weird. Augh!

Elle was so crabby that we weren't even able to have her solo pictures done. I'll have to go back another time for that. We did manage to get a couple of cute shots of them together though. I told Jesse I should have just gotten a picture of both of them crying and written "Merry Fricken' Christmas" on it.

I suppose I should take Elle out of her swing and try to nurse her. Since she's not feeling well all she wants to do is sit in her swing and snooze. If I take her out to nurse her or change or anything she gets mad and screams at me. She gets all red and she waves her little fists around like she's trying to take a swing at me. It's actually pretty cute but she's already so miserable that I don't like making it worse. She does need to nurse though so she'll have to come out sooner or later. As talented as I am I haven't figured out how to nurse her while she's swinging yet. Give me time.

I never knew that

You know that song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Well, until this morning I thought it was about a little kid seeing his mom actually kissing the real Santa Claus. Then, this morning, I hear on the radio that it's really about a kid seeing his mom kissing his dad who's only dressed as Santa. Well what do you know? All these years I thought it was an odd little song about a boy watching his mom be unfaithful to his dad and it turns out that it's actually a peppy little tune about a kid watching his parent's do a little role playing.