Amazon Woman

I am not boycotting Amazon.

Look, I think we can all agree that the "how to be a ped0phile" book that Amazon is selling is repulsive and it's hideous that such a thing even exists.  The very idea that there are people out there that want to harm children in this way makes me sick to my stomach.  My argument here is in no way, shape or form a defense of this book or the vile scum who wrote it.

There are a lot of books on Amazon that I wish people would never buy or read.  Tom Clancy novels, Focus on the Family publications, Sandra Lee cookbooks and those stupid sparkly vampire books.  In fact, if I had my way none of that stuff would be available on Amazon (or anywhere else for that matter).

But do you really want me deciding that for you?  Do you want me - or any random yahoo - deciding that you can't buy something because it offends our individual sensibilities?  Because there are a lot of books that offend me as an individual that you probably really enjoy.  Lucky for you  those books fall under the protection of the First Amendment and neither I nor anyone else can tell you that you can't buy and read them even if they are total crap. *coughTwilightcough*

Now certainly as a consumer you have a right to vote with your dollars.  If you don't like that Amazon has a company policy of stocking books that are vile (but legal!) then don't shop there.  And if you want to use your voice and exercise your First Amendment right to tell others not to shop there then you should do that.

But I'm standing with Amazon on this one and I hope they don't cave to the mob.  Just like you don't want me deciding that you can't read Twilight or the Bible or How Easy is That? by Ina Garten, I don't want a loud, angry facebook/twitter mob telling me what I can't read.  It's a very slippery slope.  If the loud, angry mob gets this book taken off shelves then what's next?  What's the next book that they direct their attention to?  Lolita for it's portrayal of sex with a ch1ld?  To Kill A Mockingbird for racial slurs?  The Color Purple for it's rape, inc@st, slurs and lesbian themes?  And should the loud, angry mob get their way then?

Look, I don't plan to buy this repulsive how-to book.  I don't even like that it exists.  What I do like is that Amazon is standing up for my (and your!) First Amendment rights by keeping this book for sale. (At the time I wrote this I heard the book is back on the shelves.  Obviously this may change.)  I like that they are not letting the moral code of an individual, or of a group, decide what I can and cannot read.

So I'm still going to shop at Amazon.  I'm going to support them as a company by buying books and video games and photography equipment there.  And I'm going to do my part to stamp out offensive material by NOT buying Twilight.

It's the right thing to do.

Edited to add: Oy. Just so we're super clear here: I am not defending this book.  I am not defending the person who wrote it or those who might buy it.  I am attempting to address the larger issue of you and I being able to have access to books and other materials that fall under the legal protection of the first amendment.  Further more, if you send me an email accusing me of being a "pervert defender" you are not doing anything to change my mind on this issue.  It's just going to make me question not only your mental stability but also your reading comprehension skills.  Also I'm going to wonder why you're so worked up about Twilight.

One year ago today I played Barbies.
Four years ago today Joseph was my defender.

Merry Christmas to some!

I hope that the next two days see you happy, healthy, warm and surrounded by loved ones. I won't say Merry Christmas to all but I will say that no matter what religion you are, no matter what you celebrate or don't celebrate, I wish you nothing but good things this Christmas.

For me, part of December 25th is goodwill towards my fellow man. Yes, all of them.

And for me, part of December 26th is wishing my fellow man would get the hell out of my way so that I can reach that wrapping paper that's 75% off.

Happy Holidays!

Panic mode

Do you have your Christmas shopping done yet? I don't!

I do this every year. I wait till the last second and then panic. Oh, I know there's still time now but trust me, I know me. I'll be in the exact same boat three days before Christmas. Maybe this year if I panic with a few weeks time left I'll be ready by the time Christmas gets here.

This year we're going to try something a little different with the gifts that we give everyone. We're going handmade. And by we I mean me. Jesse doesn't do handmade. And by everyone I mean everyone other than the kids. I don't see a handmade Lego Batman Wii game going over very well around this house. I would go into more detail but several of the people who are getting the handmade gifts read this blog and I want to put off the disappointment surprise as long as possible. As I get further along into the process I'll detail some of my efforts on my other (neglected) blogs. And won't that be fun boys and girls?

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go hunt down this one website that I vaguely remember seeing once that had this thing on it that I wanted to make but I really don't remember any of the stuff you needed to do it or what it looked like and also I might have just dreamed the whole thing. I love the holidays.

The proper way to handle whining kids

Dinner was rough tonight. It involved the usual whining and crabbing but this time it wasn't just coming from Joseph. Elle has started doing it too. I don't know if she's doing because she's copying Joseph or if she's doing it because she's two but she's started pulling the exact same stuff that Joseph does. I put a perfectly nice dinner down in front of them and right away they both start to whine and crab and push their plates away. "Augh! This is not what I wanted! I don't like this! Why did you make it like this!"

I thought back to all the great advice I got in comments, emails and phone calls after the last time I wrote about our dinner difficulties. After a little consideration I decided that the best way to deal with it was to ..... um, throw a temper tantrum. I slammed hand down on the table and yelled at them. I yelled at the kids for whining and I yelled at Jesse for yelling at the kids. Then I stormed up to my bedroom and pouted for a while. Then I went out to buy some tennis shoes.

I had a legitimate reason for going shoe shopping. I'm going to attempt climbing a rock wall tomorrow and I don't have the right kind of shoes. I've never climbed a rock wall before so I'm not sure how it will go. I predict that I'll get about two feet off the floor and then collapse to the ground in exhaustion. That will make my new shoes the biggest waste of money since the last time I bought a pair of tennis shoes in preparation for athletic activity.

But I digress.

I'm back home now and feeling a little better. Elle is asleep and Jesse is upstairs trying to get Joseph to sleep too. It doesn't sound like he's having too much success. They're starting to raise their voices at each other so I better get up there and separate them. Sigh.

(Just so we're clear here, we're not usually a yelly family. Everyone has their limits though and one too many nights of the same old crap kind of pushed me over the edge. I should be good again for another couple months now.)

Christmas mania

Help me! I am out of control! I cannot stop buying Christmas presents for Joseph!

I keep going out intending to buy for the other people on my list but then I just end up with a crat full of stuff for Joseph. I can't help it though. He's just really, really easy to buy for and just about everyone else I have to buy for is really, really hard.

I get great satisfaction out of finding the "perfect" gift. The problem is that I keep finding the "perfect" gift for one person over and over while everyone else on my list remains unbought for.

I think I might be acting out on some guilt I feel over Joseph's first Christmas with us. He was still our foster child at the time and we were being told on a weekly basis "He's going to go back home any day now. Expect it to happen at any time." I went to a used children's clothing store and bought him a big bag of clothes. I thought it would be of good use when he was back living with people who didn't know how to provide for his basic needs. About two days before Christmas I realized that he would be with us for the holidays and I went and got him a coupleof cheapie baby toys somewhere. And that's all he got for his very first Christmas. Yeah, I still feel a little crummy about that.

So now I need to make up for it by buying him everything that he expressed even a mild, passing interest in. Movies, computer games, Wii games, a Nintendo DS, art supplies, Tech Dudes, Cars cars, puzzles, board games, I'm out of control!

I hope Elle won't mind watching Joseph open presents for three hours while she sits there with her new pink bike and pink helmet and ..... not much else.

Sigh.

Why I should not be allowed to shop when I'm pregnant

What I went to the store to buy:
yogurt
milk

What I ended up buying at the store:
yogurt
milk
Oreo Cakesters
cheddar cheese soup
broccoli cheese soup
vegetable beef soup
1 pound container of my favorite pasta salad from the deli
frozen beef ravioli
1 pound of boneless buffalo wings from the deli
chex mix (all chex!)
tortilla chips
frech onion dip
bacon dip
pantyhose
Shockers sour candy (in a sqeeze tube)

I think I need help.

Jelly Belly Elle

I stuffed Elle full of jelly beans today. It's all part of my plan to potty train her. No, really. Stick with me here.

See, I didn't potty train Joseph. My mom did it. For a long time Joseph had no interest whatsoever in being potty trained. Then one weekend he came home from an overnighter with my parents and he was totally potty trained. I don't know how she did it but I suppose the fact that he was nearly 4 at the time didn't hurt her efforts at all.

I was glad my mom was able to potty train Joseph but at the same time there was a little part of me that thought "How come she can do it and I can't?" I mean, what kind of a mom can't potty train their own kid? And if I don't figure it out then how will I be able to potty train my granchildren when my own children come to me someday and say "I just can't do this!"?

So, come hell or high water, this one is all mine. I am going to potty train this child matter what it takes. And that's where the jelly beans come in.

First off, I'm pretty sure that Elle is ready to start trying. Lately when she poops (or pees or even toots) she comes to me with a very distressed look on her face and says "I poopy!". If I don't change her fast enough she'll start trying to take her own diaper off. So while she seems so young to be potty trained she is giving me some signs that she's ready.

Second, there's really no hurry here. I've read some things about how you can potty train your child in a weekend or a day or 6 seconds or whatever but those seem to high pressure to me. My plan is just to have Elle sit on the potty a couple of times a day and try to catch her at just the right time.

"Good god woman!" you're not doubt saying by now. "What about the jelly beans?" Well, I am not above rewarding Elle for productive potty sessions. So today I let her get a taste for them. From here on out she'll get one whenever she uses the potty. Now some things I've read say that you should never, ever bribe your child with treats when potty training. Some things say it's a-ok. I guess it's just one of those times when you have to take everything you know and then decide what seems right to you. And if you could see Elle's face when she's eating a jelly bean then you would know that this is right.

And anyway, if all else fails I have always have my mom potty train her.

Oh, and on a totally unrelated note - I will be going to a Trader Joe's for the very first time ever on Monday. Can anyone reccomend some absolute must-haves from Trader Joes? I hear they have good snacks and I want to know what to be on the look out for.

Are you a good glitch?

Thanks to a glitch in the Lane Bryant website I bought 4 bras and 15 pairs of underwear for $21 including shipping! You could enter a code that was supposed to take 30% of your order but when it calculated your final price it would charge you waaaaaay less than it was supposed to. That should have cost nearly $300! Whoooohooo! Yeah for computer glitches!

Drama Joe

Jesse and I were eating jumbalya (how do you spell that?) for dinner and the spicy smell of it was really bothering Joseph. He was walking around plugging his nose and whining about it. Finally he decided to go out on the porch until we finished. As he went outside he dramaticaly cried "Why did I have to be born to parents who love soup?"

And now you know why we call him Drama Joe.

Hey, check out my nifty wish list on the right. Now, when you find yourself wanting to buy me something you can just check out my little list and buy me something off of that. Just think how much easier your life is going to be. Aren't I thoughtful?

My deal with the devil

I have aquired a Sam's Club membership. Before you know it I'll be frequenting the drive through at McDonalds to buy Joseph some pop. Then I'll stop in at Wal-Mart to buy formula, snacks for my combined NRA/anti/choice meeting and the new Ashley Simpson cd. Then I'll talk about how awesome Fahrenheit 9/11 was. Someone stop me before I get too far out of control.

Post Christmas stuff

I hope everyone had a good Christmas. We did here. Joseph was (very neary) a perfect angel at the big family get together. No repeat of the Thanksgiving melt-down, thank goodness.

People seemed to like the stuff I made for the Christmas potluck. And by "people" I don't mean Jesse because he refused to try the torta I made because he doesn't like tomatoes and it had sun-dried tomato pesto in it. He's so persnikity sometimes.

Yesterday I went after-Christmas shopping and spent too much buying stuff I didn't really need. Oh well, it's only once a year and I got some really nice stuff. Jesse watched the kids for me all day so it was also a really nice break and a chance to get out of the house. I could tell Elle missed me though because she wanted to nurse non-stop after I got home. It was weird being away from her for so long. I missed her. I used to not seeing Joseph all the time since he's not in school or will spend the day with my parents but I'm not used to being away from Elle.

Ben came over for a while and had a nice time talking about his book and other random crap. It's good to have a brother that you can talk about random crap with.

Jesse's bringing home chinese food tonigh. Life is good.

The kids

On Saturday we went to the mall and Joseph got something that every 5 year old boy dreams about - a scented candle. I had told him that when he was a baby I would take him into Yankee Candle Company and he liked to sniff the candles. He thought that was so funny that he decided to re-enact it when we went into YCC on Saturday. He found a candle that smelled like cookies and he just had to have it. After it was paid for the cashier gave him his own little bag and he carried the candle around the mall, taking it out and sniffing it every few minutes. He's made me promise not to burn it because it's his candle and his alone. He asked me if he could burn it in his room if he promised not to burn the house down. I think I might have to pass on that one.

This morning I was nursing Elle and she was wide awake and looking at me the whole time. I guess she was in a good mood or something because she kept letting go of me to give me these big crazy grins. Then she would realize she wasn't eating anymore and would start to fuss. After I got her latched on again she would look at me and then break away to smile again. She kept doing it over and over again and it was making me laugh so hard. Funny baby.

Holy crap!

I can't believe how soon this baby is coming. I was talking about it last night with Becky and Jesse and I'm totally freaking out. I tried to comfort myself by saying I had gotten Joseph this far without any major damage but I'm worried I won't be able to have the same luck twice. I just know I'm going to drop this kid on it's head or feed it window cleaner on accident or scar it emotionally when I don't respond exactly the right way to it's cries. Ack!

In lighter news, the weekend was good. We went to the Mall of America with Judy on Saturday. That was fun. Jesse and Joseph got cute matching Viking jereys and I got way to much make-up. Joseph went on some rides at Camp Snoopy, including a ride that nearly scared the living daylights out of him. Basically you sit on a bench and get strapped in and then the bench kind of bounces up and down. He said he liked it but it was kind of hard to tell by the way he was slumped over in his seat hanging onto the lap bar and the little boy next to him for dear life. No big shock that he didn't want to go on it again.

Yesterday Jesse, Becky and I went to a show at the Chanhassen Dinner Theater. (Yes, we were just there but we were able to get a really good deal on tickets via a promotion they were running. For a while it didn't look like we would be able to go but then everything just kind of fell into place and I'm glad it worked out.) It was a two man show depicting the history of the world. It was very funny, it had a lot of laugh out loud parts and we all enjoyed it very much. We also all agreed that the best part was the song about the Potato Famine. Who knew starvation made for such awesome dinner theater?

So, a good weekend. It was nice to be out and doing stuff since in a few weeks we won't be able to pick up and go as easily.

Happy be-lated birthday to my dad (even though I already said it to him on the actually day of his birthday). I had a dream last night that we were making sushi and you kept putting mushrooms in everything. I woke up cursing your name.