Thursday, November 04, 2010

Blessed be the tar paper

Our neighbors are having their roof redone.  They are using a company that describes itself as  "Christian roofing company".  I'm not even sure what that is supposed to mean.  What Would Jesus Roof?  If the behavior of these roofing guys is any clue, Jesus would chain smoke the entire time he was nailing shingles so that when the wind blew just right the entire neighborhood would smell like a methyl cigarette. 

It doesn't surprise me that our neighbors would use a "Christian roofing company".  They're an interesting group of people. Their three little girls are sweet and kind and well behaved.  They're also not allowed to leave their yard to play with other kids.  Or go trick or treating.  Or attend school.

The girls ARE allowed to dress up for Halloween stay home to pass out religious themed "treats".  This year they passed out "Jesus Loves Me" necklaces and stamps of crosses and lambs(?) and tattoos that say "Shine with the light of Jesus".  I sort of want to skip their house during trick or treating but I feel bad for the poor kids so instead I just throw away what they give us as soon as we get home.

When we were setting up our Halloween display this year the little girls were in their yard hiding behind trees and trying to see what we were doing.  I wanted to invite them over but I didn't want to make them feel bad.  I knew they would have to say that they couldn't come over so I just kept quiet and felt sorry for them.

The girls are home-schooled and from talking to their mom I sort of suspect that they're getting a ... biased education.  For example, she told me about a history project they were working on where they made a time line of all the major events in world history.  You know, everything that has happened since the world began.  When God made it.  I've never seen the time line but I'm guessing it includes things like "The Civil War 1861-1865" and "Black Plague 1348-1350" and "Jesus rides a dinosaur 17".

Although neighbor kids are occasionally allowed to go over and play with the little girls (in their yard only) they are not allowed to go in anyone else's yard or have anyone play inside.  Their mom has told me this is a hard and fast rule for them.  No one ever gets invited inside.

Except for this.  Recently the girls have been inviting my kids over for Bible study.  Elle had no idea what they were talking about and said she would rather play house thankyouverymuch and Joseph tried his best to be polite and say no thank you.  They persisted though so Joseph refused a little more firmly.  When they still persisted he informed them that he didn't believe in God.  It was at this point that the oldest girl (who really is very sweet even though this story makes her sound not so sweet but it's not her fault, she's just been brainwashed) told Joseph "You have to believe in God otherwise you're going to Hell!!!"

I observed this whole exchange but instead of stepping in I watched to see how Joseph would handle it.  He thought for a moments and then said "Well I don't believe that's true but I think we can still be friends even if we don't agree."

I'm so damn proud of that kid.

I would like to write more but I have some stuff I have to get done today.  A big storm came through last week and blew some siding off of our house.  I'm going to call our insurance guy and see if he can recommend a good heathen siding company.

God is so totally smiting us you guys.

One year ago today Joseph got glasses.
Four years ago today was the end of an era.

24 comments:

Suzanne said...

This might be the best post about anything ever. And if the smell of smoke is what makes a contractor extra Jesusy, the guys putting in our carpet today are the straight up second coming.

Jennifer said...

I have an ex-husband like your neighbors who has taught our 5 year old..that her mother is going to hell along with all her mothers friends. My daughter is so confused... I wonder when she's mature enough to learn that he's been lying the whole time. I hope for that day to come more and more everyday. Good thing she only with him 2 days a week...

Shannon said...

Wow. You should be proud of Joseph. He handled that better than most adults! :)

Stimey said...

Your kid is awesome.

I was in second grade when a peer told me that if I didn't go to church I was going to go to hell. It scared the crap out of me.

I live on the Street of Strange Religions. It's good at least that your neighbors are clear on what their kids can and cannot do. There is one little girl here who I never know if it's okay to invite her over or not. It's tough.

susan said...

Joseph. Frickin. Rocks. Kudos to you & Jesse for raising such an awesome kid.

Sarah said...

I've seen those companies around my house and have always wondered how Jesus would feel about people using their religion as a marketing ploy.

High five on what an awesome boy you have!

dancing_lemur said...

I swear I read this whole post, and I so agree with you that your kid is awesome, and it's sad for those kids (and I'm Christian, just not...militant about it), but really the only that I have to comment on is that I'm cracking up at "What Would Jesus Roof." Hilarious.

Anonymous said...

it's so cute you call it a methyl cigarette ... you have obviously been a temple and have never smoked a cigarette (as i imagine you meant menthol) OR you smoke and it's some new cigarette which is amazing and heavenly and was developed in the last 3 months because i quit smoking.

i sound grumpy because a cigarette sounds so good and i might have to become a roofer for Jesus to justify having one again...

oh yeah, your kid freaking rules. TOTALLY!

Unemployed in PDX said...

oh, the previous comment was Micah, not anonymous...

Swistle said...

OMG he is such a cool cat.

Also, it creeps me out that no one is allowed in their house. WHAT HAVE THEY GOT IN THERE??

Jen said...

They probably have heathens chained to the radiator. RUN!

Seriously, I feel so sorry for those little girls... and so proud of Joseph. What an amazing thing to see a kid stand up for what he believes in and still respect someone else's view, regardless of how absurd it might be.

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