She got less because she needed less

I started this blog because of Elle. When I got pregnant with her I wanted a way to keep my friends and family updated on my pregnancy.  In retrospect I probably vastly overestimated the interest my friends and family would have in my pregnancy.  I think sometimes when you're a woman who's experiencing the agony and the ecstasy of her first pregnancy you think everyone else is going to be as fascinated by every little twitch and twinge as you are.  Of course no one really is but that's ok.  It fun to share.

Over time this blog evolved.  I talk a lot about myself now, about my surrogate pregnancies, about raising the kids, about any little thing that pops into my head.  I post a lot less than I used to but now I think of this blog as more important than I ever did before.  Perhaps it's morbid but sometime around the time I gave birth to Little A I started to think that if something bad were to ever happen to me at least the kids could go back and read my blog.  In that way they could know me and know how much I love them and maybe look back and laugh at some of the good times we shared together.

I had such big plans for what I wanted to share yesterday on this blog.  I wanted to talk about how Elle turned six years old.  I wanted to share her excitement about the whole day and how when I picked her up from school she was nearly vibrating with the pure joy of being six. I wanted to talk about how she used about eight pounds of sprinkles to decorate her birthday cake and how she put such thought into picking out an ice cream flavor she thought everyone would like.  I wanted to talk about how she squealed with delight over every present she opened and how when I put her to bed she told me "I've been waiting my whole life to be six years old!"

All those things happened and they were wonderful but the day, on the whole, was not wonderful.  It was the kind of day, the kind of week really, that had me shaking my head and feeling totally at a loss.

For the past week we have been dealing with Joseph being unable to deal with the fact that it's Elle's birthday.  He's too jealous.  He's too rigid.  He can't deal with the fact that Elle gets something that he's not getting at the EXACT SAME TIME!  We've spent the days now gently reminding him that yes, Elle gets some special stuff but he had a big party on his birthday day and he got to pick out the flavor of ice cream that he wanted.  We've less gently reminded him that yes, Elle gets to open presents on her birthday but that on his birthday we all sat around and watched him open presents too.  We've exasperatedly gone over and over the fact that yes, one time we went to Disneyland for Elle's birthday but that we also went to New York for his.

None of it mattered.  There were tantrums and melt-downs and general terrible behaviors all day long.  As Elle stood in the frozen food section and picked her ice cream flavor Joseph pouted and made rude comments.  When she said she wanted mint ice cream Joseph screamed and gagged.  Elle looked worried and said "I'll pick something else."  I assured her that mint was a fine choice and that she could get that if she wanted.  Joseph screamed "Oh sure, give Elle whatever she wants!  Elle is the most special and I am just boring old Joseph!"  She didn't pick mint ice cream.

When a few people came over for cake and presents Joseph spent a good portion of time in the bathroom wailing because no one was paying attention to him.  Later Jesse had to take Joseph into the laundry room because he was having a melt down over Elle getting such good presents.  We turned on her new toy guitar to drown out the sound of him yelling.

I was so angry yesterday.  And I was just so sad.

From the time Elle has been baby she's always had to give so much.  She's spent hours and hours and hours of her life in waiting rooms while Joseph has had various therapies.  She's had to be pulled out of school early so that I can get both of them to Joseph's appointments across town on time.  She wants to say hi to Joseph when they pass each other in hallway at school but she's learned not to because it upsets him.  She's had countless conversations and playtimes with me cut short because I have to deal with something Joseph needs.

Elle, if you read this someday, I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry that you got less.  Less attention, less time, less understanding, less consideration.  You needed less and so you got less.  I always tried to make it even and to work it out but I know it wasn't fair and I'm sorry.

But also know this - on the day that you were six years and one day old, your mom went out and bought you a carton of mint ice cream for you to eat all on your own.

Two years ago today Elle was four.
Four years ago today the kids were getting older.

It-sa Friday

Never let anyone tell you that people with Aspergers don't have a sense of humor.  This afternoon Joseph serenaded me with a rendition of Friday with Rebecca Black as Jar Jar Binks.

"Riding in the front-sa seat, kickins in the back-sa seat, which seat me-sa take? We, we, we-sa so excited, we-sa so excited!"

Teasing!

Joseph has discovered teasing.

More accuratly, he has discovered that he can accuse people of teasing him.  If I had a dollar for every time he has screamed at us "You're teasing me!" in the last week I could afford to take the luxury cruise I need to take in order to recover from, um, this last week.

He yells at us that we're teasing him if we say anything about him.  Anything.  Even good things.  When I mentioned to Jesse the other day what a good job Joseph had done on his spelling test Joseph shreiked from the living room "You're teasing me!  You're saying I'm not good at math and that's teasing!"  When I tried explaining to him how I was not teasing him he accused me of teasing him by saying he didn't know what teasing was.

We even get accused of teasing when we're not talking about him.  Yesterday at dinner Elle was saying that if you went outside without a hat on then you might get snow on your hair.  "You're teasing me!" Joseph yelled.  "You're saying that because sometimes I don't wear a hat and I get snow on my head and that's teasing!"

When I told him a story about a time I was a kid and I fell off my bike?  Teasing.

When I asked him if he wanted peanut butter on his toast?  Teasing.

When I reminded him to put his school book away in his backpack?  Teasing.

When I said I thought a preview for a new movie looked dumb?  Teasing.

When I said the next person to accuse someone of teasing was going to have to sleep in the garage?  Teasing. Teasing! TEASING!

Oddly enough we're still able to do our "Rudest Family Ever" routine* without being accused of teasing.

I'm not sure if this is a case of him genuinely misreading what's really going on or if it's him being a little manipulative and trying to get a reaction out of us.  Either way it's driving me bonkers and I don't know how to get it to stop.  I suspect that like many things Joseph related it will just have to run it's course.  For whatever reason he needs to try this out and see how it feels.

I'm trying to be sensitive to the fact that really doesn't always get social cues and interactions.  It's possible that he really does think we're teasing him when we talk to him or about him... or dare to take a breath in the same room as him.  It's possible that he's sensitive about something else and he needs to get that out and screeching at us about teasing is a easy way for him to release some tension.  It's also possible that he's just being kind of a butt right now.

Whatever the case we're all kind of walking on eggshells right now.  No one wants to be the next one to incur the wrath of Joseph. 

Teasing!

*I taught this to the kids and it goes like this:
Person 1: That movie looks funny! (This can be substituted with any number of things looking any number of ways.  Cheese looking moldy, water looking dirty, car looking fancy, whatever.)
Person 2: You look funny!
Person 1: Your face looks funny!
Person 2: Your butt looks funny!
We are sophisticated and elegant.

Two years ago today my face collapsed.
Three years ago today Elle wanted malk.

Be sure to read to the end for the REALLY good news!

Last night I had a phone call with a new potential Intended Mother.  I had been nervous leading up to the call but it seemed to go really well.  When Jesse asked me about it I said "She was really nice!  She spoke perfect English!" and then I felt like an asshole and sort of a racist.  Really I just meant that even though this is an international couple I don't think we will have a language barrier to overcome.  So that's nice.  She also sounded really eager to move forward quickly and that's good with me.

Now I just have to wait and hear if she wants to move forward with me.  Fingers crossed!

But here's the really good news!  When I was done with the phone call I found Joseph laying on the kitchen floor (shirtless and wrapped in a blanket) (of course) and he looked at me and said "So how did it go?"

Did you get that?  He asked me how something I did went.  It wasn't something that involved him and it wasn't about video games or Vinylmation or 39 Clues books.  He wanted to know how something I care about went.  Ok, so he didn't really bother to listen to my answer but he asked!  It made me happy and that is the REALLY good news I wanted to share.

BUT WAIT!  As I was spell checking this I got a call that the Intended Mother wants to move forward with me!  Woot!  So now I have two pieces of good news to share.

Two years ago today I was sick ... in a lot of ways.
Three years ago today I shared Little A's birth story.
Four years ago today I did some drawings.
Five years ago today I was random.

My #1 tip for traveling with a child with Aspergers

Earplugs.

It's as simple as that.  We make a point of taking earplugs whenever we visit an amusement park or a water park or any other place that's crowded with people, voices, sights, smells and sensations that might be overwhelming to Joseph.

Joseph doesn't have a problem with sounds in general (although high pitched and sudden loud noises bother him) but the ear plugs help him filter out some of the sensations bombarding him.  When we hear the dull roar of an amusement park he hears a kid asking for cotton candy, the squeal of a roller coaster, a cash register ringing, the clink of ice dropping into a cup, a teenager laughing, a baby crying, all of that multiplied times a million.  The earplugs help him filter out the "extra" noises and let him focus on other sensations.  He can see more, experience more, when he has to hear less.

As an added bonus, for some reason when he's wearing the earplugs he able to modulate his voice better.  I don't know if it's because he's able to hear himself better or what it is.  What I do know is that with his earplugs in he's able to use his "indoor voice" and "outdoor voice" more appropriately.

Also, Joseph's behavior in general is better when he's wearing earplugs.  He has fewer meltdowns and he even seems less "rigid".  Again, I'm not sure why it works but I'm sure glad it does. 

Certainly some kids with Aspergers may be bothered by the sensation of having earplugs but Joseph enjoys the benefits of them so much that he doesn't mind wearing them at all.  In fact, on our recent trip to California he asked for them if we forgot to offer them.

So there you have it, my number one tip for traveling with a child with Aspergers: earplugs.  Hey, it's worth a try right?

Two years ago today I had a wild weekend.

Four years ago today Joseph came home from a trip.

Five years ago today I was so BORING.

I won the 4th grade jackpot

Let me go on record as stating that I HATE homework.  Sitting down and forcing my kid to do worksheets ranks right up there among my least favorite parenting tasks.  It's torture for both of us.  Joseph has had more homework related meltdowns than I care to try to count.

For the past two years Joseph's school has had an hour long after school Homework Club three days a week and that has helped some. He's been able to get most of his homework done there and when he's doing it in a group he thinks of it more as extra time he gets to spend with his friends and less as stupid, pointless busy work that was assigned to him because everyone hates him and no one ever wants him to play video games ever again and OMG HOMEWORK IS EVIL!

So Homework Club really helps but this year we might not even need it because, brace yourself for this, Joseph got a teacher that does not assign homework.

I almost passed out with joy when I heard the news.  She says that her philosophy is that there is always more learning and working for kids to do but that she doesn't think worksheets are productive or helpful.  She expects the kids to do things like reading or flashcards at home and they still need to study spelling words and sometimes they might need to work on a big project at home but there won't be any worksheets.  No.  Worksheets.

Woo freaking hoo.

Oh, and on top of all that awesomeness?  Joseph's new IEP case manager specializes in autism and she's arranged it so that if Joseph is ever feeling stressed out or overwhelmed or upset (or any of the other seven billion things he can be going through) he can ask for her and either she or her assistant will come and take him out of the class room.  He can go to get a drink or take a walk in the hallway or take a short break in the library or the motor room or whatever he feels like he needs.

Woo freaking fracking hoo.

Can I tell you how happy and grateful I am that Joseph has such an amazing team to work with?  I'm so thankful that the people at his school seem to recognize his needs are are working proactively to meet them.  I lurve them.  And not just because of this stuff.  Also because when Joseph sits in his desk his little legs dangle down and don't touch the floor because he's so short so they had him measured and got him a little footstool to rest his feet on and he said it helps him sit up straighter and write better and he doesn't get so tired!  Squee!

Is happy his little legs no longer dangle and that he now has more time after school to memorize video game guides.

Three years ago today I should not have been allowed in a grocery store.
Five years ago today I talked about my cervix.  Of course.

I hope it's in the shape of a horsie!

A couple of weeks ago I took Joseph to the eye doctor because he was complaining about "floaties". Turns out he has the tiny problem most commonly know as Terrible Eyesight. The poor kid has been going around half blind and I didn't even know it.

Yesterday Joseph had an evaluation with a physical therapist because I notices his ankles were starting to turn down. After watching him run around the gym for a while the therapist recommended ankles braces and twice a week physical therapy.

In the span of two weeks the kid has gained glasses, braces and a standing therapy appointment.

I think next week I'll take Joseph for a social assessment where they'll determine that he's fitting in too well and recommend that he gets a farm animal shaped birthmark tattooed on his face.

One year ago today I loved Obama.
Two years ago I asked people to pray.
Three years ago today I nursed Elle for the last time.
Four years ago today I was having a bad day.

Being a mom doesn't mean not having feelings

Long ago I had a job at a grocery store located in a bad part of town. I quit the job when I got married. Then, a couple of years later I returned to work at the same store, this time as a cake decorator. What I didn't know when I was hired was that the store was experiencing a big problem with employee theft. I found that out when the company's loss prevention department started an investigation and I was named as one of the people stealing.

When I was "questioned" regarding my involvement I was told that I had been named by one of the stock boys as someone who was stealing from the store. Why? I was never able to figure that out. The people stealing were largely high school aged cashiers and stock boys most of whom I never had any contact with at all. When I was asked about certain people's involvement in the "theft ring" I had told them that honestly I had no idea who the people they were asking about even were. The person questioning me seemed to think I was trying to cover for people and got angrier and angrier with me.

I was sent home from work that day and told I would be called in a few days about my "employment status". All the "evidence" they had been able to gather against me basically amounted to one time I had to take a pill with food and someone from the deli gave me a corn dog that was going to be thrown out because it was old.

Three days later I got a call saying I was fired. (On the exact same day we were going to court to finalize Joseph's adoption. So yeah, that was awesome.) I was humiliated and hurt. I had never been fired from a job before and to be fired for the reason I was, was extra painful.

Several of my former co-workers encouraged me to fight my firing and for a while I considered it. Jesse and I even spoke to an attorney who advised us that there was nothing he could do for me since I had been prosecuted for stealing. When I told him I had never actually been prosecuted he was pretty surprised. As it turns out the company I worked for ALWAYS prosecutes shoplifters. Always. Without exception.

So why wasn't I prosecuted? I really think it was because I wasn't fired for stealing. I was fired because the loss prevention person questioning was angry that I didn't help out his investigation. It didn't matter that I didn't actually know anything. He thought I did and he thought I was hiding something and that made him mad. And that was all it took. Minnesota's wonky laws allow a company to fire an employee for any reason at any time so in the end, even though I was fired without cause, I still didn't have a leg to stand on legally.

The whole event was pretty hurtful but you, know, life goes on. I got past it. Jesse now works for the same company that I was fired from. I've been to several office Christmas parties with the same people who "investigated" me. I've been to the head office several times to bring something to Jesse or to pick him up and take him to lunch. I have been in the vacation condo of the company's owner. I've even been on his boat. Joseph sat on his lap and helped him steer the boat! Company higher ups call our house all the time to ask Jesse for help with computer problems and I can have a friendly chat with them. I was even actually rehired by the company at one point. (Once the loss prevention person got wind of it he quickly had me refired with some lame excuse about paperwork not being done right but WHATEVER!)

The point is, I'm over it. I don't really think about it these days.

Most of the time.

The other day my mom took the kids over to my grandma's apartment. Several of my aunts and uncles were there visiting. Somehow the company that I used to work for came up in conversation. Joseph decided to cheerfully offer up this little fact: "My mommy used to work there but then she was fired for stealing!" Neither he (or my mom for that matter) decided to actually tell the entire story so everyone in the room got to hear the very worst part of the story and that's it.

When my mom called to tell me this a couple of days later I was pissed. I got off the phone with her and said to Joseph "I don't like you telling people that I was fired for stealing." He got a horrified look on his face and said "Oh no! Did T--- call you and tell you I told him that?"

By the way, T--- is his IEP case manager. Meaning not only has Joseph been telling family members this little story, he's also been telling people at school. And god only knows who else.

And you know what? It really, really upsets me. 99% of what Joseph (or even Elle for that matter) does I can laugh at as a parent. Even if they're little stinkers I can find humor in it. Not to say that I never get upset or angry at my kids but most of the time, by the end of the day I've managed to find a way to smile about what ever they've done.

Not this time though. People have told me that I shouldn't be upset about this because Joseph can't help what he says. I know it's true. I know that because of Aspergers he's missing that internal filter that says "Stop! This is not ok to say!" I don't think he said that stuff to be hurtful. The fact is though, he said it and it is hurtful.

Being a parent is hard and being a parent of a child with special needs is ... special hard. It means countless doctor and therapy appointments. It means juggling the imprecise science of finding the right mix of medications. It means managing, re-teaching and yes, even tolerating atypical behaviors. It means putting your own needs aside and focusing on what your child needs. Most of the time I think I do a pretty good job at that stuff. But dammit. Sometimes it's hard.

He may have Aspergers but I still have feelings.

One year ago today my brother and I debated politics.
Two years ago today I had Halloween overload.
Three years ago today I was ... drunk or something.

All fired up and nothing to fight for

Remember that IEP meeting I had yesterday? The one where I was all prepared to go in fighting for what I thought Joseph needed? Well, I marched into that meeting all fired up and ready to go. I sat down at that table full of people and in my firmest, most confident voice I said "I want cursive dropped from Joseph's curriculum!"

Joseph's teacher and IEP case manager glanced at each other and said "Yes. We agree. We were already thinking that."

"Oh" I said, my firm, confident voice faltering. "Well then. Ok. I also want him to ...."

"Learn to use a keyboard?" they asked. "We already thought of that. And to have summer school? And access to a separate dining area at lunch from him and hs friends so that he's not overwhelmed by the noise of the lunchroom? And to continue adaptive phy. ed. services while remaining in his regular gym class? And to have meetings once a week with our special education counselor to help him deal proactively with any issues or anxieties that come up for him? And to have continued access to a shared paraprofessional?"

"Yes please." I said. "All of that thank you."

And then I quietly snuck out of the room before anyone could change their mind.

I am beyond happy with how the meeting went. We are so lucky to have people on Joseph's team who really see his needs and recognize how to best meet them. I can't come up with a single complaint about that meeting, everything went better than I could have hoped for.

Well, I guess I have one complaint. I had all this nervous energy built up over this meeting and it all turned out to be for nothing. Now I'm all fired up with no where to go. All this wasted energy is making me irritable. (Also making me irritable is the fact that there's a blizzard going on outside on a day I have appointments scattered all across town.) I'm in the mood to kick ass and I have no ass to kick. Anyone need any asses kicked? Preferably in warm, blizzard-free climates? I'm free later today.

Seriously. You would be doing me and the people around me a favor.

One year ago today I shared funny avatar with you and it looks like it was snowing that day too.

Cursive, shmursive

I have an IEP meeting at Joseph's school today. My plan to ask them to drop cursive writing all together. I also want to ask that he instead be allowed to work on a keyboard practicing proper finger placement during the time other kids are working on cursive. Typing is a skill that he will get far more use out of than cursive so it seems like a logical replacement. For me it does anyway. I hope the people at the school agree with me.

We've been very lucky when it comes to getting Joseph what he needs on his IEP. We've never faced a battle to get him services. I have heard some real IEP horror stories but we've never had anything like that. I think part of it is that Joseph is extremely high functioning and that his needs don't require a ton of accommodating. In fact, most of what's on Joseph's current IEP is stuff that people on Joseph's "team" at school have suggested. I just hope that they're receptive to change like this. I think it's the best thing for Joseph and I hope they can see that too.

Keep your fingers crossed that my boy gets what he needs.

Two years ago today I loved boobies. A lot.
Three years ago today I continued my quest to become the the most boring mommy blogger ever.
Four years ago today some crazy bitch suggested I name my child Coco Cabana.

Because he's mine, I walk the line

When it comes to school for Joseph I feel like I'm walking a fine line between coddling and facilitating. For example, Joseph's teacher realized very early into the school year that it wasn't really working for Joseph to take part in the daily group reading activity. It was too much for him, the noise the activity, the having to pay attention to what everyone else was saying. It was throwing his whole day off. The solution she came up with was to let Joseph is someone away from everyone else (like at her desk) and read his own book (often not even what the rest of the class is reading) to himself. It's a solution that works well for everyone because Joseph is already way ahead of his grade level in reading anyway and this way he's able to maintain that sense of order and control and personal space that he needs to function.

To me that is facilitating. We see his needs, look at his strengths, accept his limits and come to a solution that take all of those things into consideration. It allows him to be the best student he can be without forcing him to fit into the mold of a typical student, a role he just cannot play. Now if Joseph decided tomorrow that he wanted to go play Legos during reading time and I said ok to that then that would be coddling. I wouldn't be doing him any favors by letting him get away with less than he's able.

We had parent/teacher conferences last night and we heard the same thing we always hear. Joseph is very smart, he's a delight to have in class, the kids love him, he thrives in leadership roles and he will do pretty much anything required of him to get computer lab time. All of that was great to hear. I know what a wonderful kid he is and it's nice to hear other people say it too.

One thing about the conference bothered me though. It turns out Joseph is really struggling with cursive writing. If you've ever seen Joseph write you would know he struggles even with writing in print. Honestly, he writes like a toddler. I don't say that to mock him, it's just a matter of fact. His letters are large and floppy and sometimes backwards. To make it worse he's hard-wired himself to write certain letters in unusual ways. For example, when making a lower case "r" he makes the little arch over the top then goes back and makes the line down. A "g" is a misshapen circle with a backwards "c" beneath it. Translating those odd letter formations into a smooth, flowing way of writing is just not working for him. I honestly don't think he can do it.

And I'm wondering...... Does it matter? Does he need to learn to write cursive? Can't we just let him have his half-success at printing without making him stress about trying to master something that's beyond him? And really, who writes in cursive anymore anyway? When was the last time you used cursive for anything other than to sign your name? I don't even know if signing you name counts as cursive. Most people just sort of scribble anyway and someday Joseph can learn to do that on his own.

We have an IEP meeting coming up next month and I am very seriously considering asking that we just drop cursive writing out of his curriculum. Maybe when the rest of the class is working on cursive writing his para-professional can help him out with practicing printing. On the whole, school is such a positive experience for Joseph and I would hate for cursive writing to become a stumbling block.

So here's where I walk the line. By getting him out of cursive writing am I coddling him and making things too easy for him? Or am I facilitating a positive learning environment for him by making sure he's not facing insurmountable obstacles?

Someone should report me

Yesterday was a rough day. Joseph was just so ..... autistic.

Most of the time I think people would look at Joseph and think that he was neurotypical. Maybe a little quirky but certainly not autistic. Then he has days like yesterday that just kind of slap me in the face and say "You think things are going well? Haha! Not so fast lady"

The day started off badly when Joseph did something that upset Elle and made her cry. He didn't do it with the intent of hurting her feelings but it did and he just didn't care. He didn't even look at her as she stood next to him whimpering with big tears rolling down her cheeks. It broke my heart to see her so sad and it broke my heart to see him so indifferent. See, it's not that he's a mean kid (and really he's just crazy about Elle) but in this instance it didn't even seem to register with him that she was upset. Or rather, he realized it but it didn't matter to him.

After I had cheered Elle up I pulled Joseph aside to have a Big Talk with him. "Joseph, does it bother you that you made Elle sad?"

"No."

"No?"

"I mean yes."

"Yes? Why does it bother you?"

"Because now I'm in trouble."

"Honey, you're not in trouble but I want to to understand why what you did was not ok."

"Ok, but I need to build more Lego creations now!"

It just went downhill from there. All day long he acted rigid and intense and just plain odd. He wouldn't look at me when I talked to him. If he talked to me he would do it with his face six inches from mine, staring into my eyes, unblinking. His voice was loud and sing-songy. One minute he would claim to be starving but if I got him something to eat he would eat one bite and run away from the table. He talked non-stop about Legos and repeated silly, made up rhymes over and over and over.

The big kicker came when I asked him to go to his room and get dressed. That simple request resulted in a melt-down of massive proportions. Yelling, screaming, shrieking. It went on and on. It sounded like he was being beat. If you know me in real life or if you read my blog you know I don't hit my kids. Ever. Yesterday the melt-down went on for so long and was so intense though that a couple of times I found myself thinking "If I could just smack him, just once, maybe that would snap him out of it."

Not logical thinking and not something I'm proud of but I was sort of at the end of my rope. (By the way, I didn't hit him.) I also found myself thinking that at some point some neighbor was going to call the police. I thought any second a cop was going to pull up and check on us because some well meaning neighbor had heard Joseph screaming at the top of his lungs for 40 minutes.

But I guess I must have the most sound proof house in the world because no one came. I don't know. Maybe it's just me. If I heard a child screaming the way Joseph was screaming yesterday I would call the cops out of concern for what was going on in that house. And I really don't think that it's possible that no one heard what was going on.

Is it weird that it bothers me that no one did anything? Maybe it's because I've heard too many stories of children dying at the hands of their abusive parents and then the neighbors saying "We always heard terrible screaming coming from that house but no, we never called anyone."

Anyway. Yesterday was rough. Today will be better. If I hear your child screaming bloody murder (and I don't already know that there's a very good reason for it) I'm going to call the cops. I would appreciate it if you would do the same for my children.

Hooray for abuse!

Yesterday left me very crabby.

A bunch of people in the jury selection pool seemed thrilled that they had a captive audience to spew their random stories to. Every time the attorneys would ask a question of the group several people would use that chance to tell long, rambling stories that had very little to do with the original question. One guy in particular was the worst. He just kept talking and talking and talking and when he told a story he would use long, drawn out pauses. Sometimes he would pause so long that I wondered if maybe he had passed out from the boredom of his own stories but then he would pick right up again. It took all my willpower not to turn around and shriek "GET A BLOG!" The selection could have taken 30 minutes but it went on for nearly 2 hours thanks to all the stories.

Several people ended up getting excused right away because they seemed unable to grasp simple concepts. The case being tried was a man charged with domestic assault. A bunch of people in the pool said right off they couldn't' be unbiased in the case because "hitting women is wrong". Well no shit hitting women is wrong. That's why it's a crime. But that's not really the point here is it? One woman (who looked like she was in her sixties and came to court wearing a t-shirt and cut off jean shorts) said "Oh, I read so much about abuse in the papers these days and I just really don't agree with it."

I wonder what she thought the rest of us in the jury pool who didn't speak up thought about abuse. "Hooray for abuse! I love it!"

After a bunch of people were excused because they weren't able to be unbiased (and because they were morons unable to grasp the whole point of what we were there for) there were only about 10 people left to select a jury of six from. Much to my surprise I was excused. I was a little confused as to why they let me go but kept the woman who was openly nasty to the defense attorney and the woman who's sister was killed by her husband. Maybe if I had told more stories about myself. I probably only said about a dozen words or so during the whole thing. It's probably for the best though. I said that I could be fair and unbiased but I don't know how true that is. See, I'm not exactly down with abuse either so if there had been even a tiny shred of evidence against the guy I would have had him hung. Or convicted. Or whatever.

Since I got out of jury duty early I was able to make it to Joseph's final soccer game of the season. Just my luck I ended up sitting next to Mrs Asshat who spent a good portion of the game telling the guy next to her that she thinks the reason so many kids are autistic these days is that their parents are too soft on them. I can't even go too far into that because it just makes me so angry. I will say though that against hitting women as I am the only thing that saved that woman from leaving the field with a fat lip was that Jesse was sitting next to me telling me to calm down. Although he almost earned himself a fat lip when he said "Everyone is entitled to their own opinion." True, but sometimes your opinion makes you an ignorant asshole and you need to have the stupid knocked out of you*.

When evening rolled around my parents picked the kids up to take them out for ice cream and to feed geese. I went out to dinner with a friend but first I made Jesse some soup. Because I'm a good wife like that. I took the time to make my husband some dinner even though I wasn't going to be home when he ate. And do you know what he said when I got home and asked him how the soup was? "Eh, it was pretty bland."

Is there a jury in the world that would have convicted me if I had just smacked him around a little bit?

*I would never hit someone. Not my kids, not my husband, not a stranger, not a complete asshat who totally had it coming. Never. If I ever did hit someone though it would be a person who thinks that autism is not real and/or caused by bad parenting.