Words With Friends

You may not know this about me but I enjoy playing Scrabble-type games.  I play a few of them on my phone.  I'm not very good at them but they're fun.  Plus they're educational!  I have learned that "qi" is a word.  I don't know what it means but it's a good way to use up a Q when you don't have a U.

Yesterday I got Words With Friends on my phone.  I've heard about this game a lot from my iphone having friends but it just came out for android so now even us tragically unhip folks can play.  I started the game up and started playing against a bunch of random people.  In the past I have found that Scrabble playing folks are a nice lot and I have never run into any weirdos playing against strangers.

Then last night I was doing really, really well in one of my games.  Probably the best Scrabble game I've ever had.  Woot for me!  Then the guy I'm playing against accused me of cheating.  Using my friendliest typing tone I responded that I was getting lucky and I didn't even know how to cheat in the game since this was my first time playing.

Then he called me a "cunt punch".

I thought about being offended but the pure absurdity of a person calling a perfect stranger a "cunt punch" over losing in a Scrabble game was too overwhelming to me and I had to laugh.

Then I used my friendliest typing tone again and I reassured him that I was not cheating.  Then I said if he wanted to be mad about anything he should be mad that he's so stupid and that he has such a small penis.

Now he's angrily sending me message after message that I am ignoring and I won't quit the game because I won't let him win by default and I won't play any more because misogynists are no fun to play games with.

WORDS WITH FRIENDS!

Three years ago today I was insecure, with good reason.

Most awkward phone calls ever

I get nervous when I talk on the phone to people I don't really know. I try to avoid it as much as possible but sometimes it can't be avoided.  Yesterday I called the mother of one of Joseph's friends to RSVP for a birthday party.  I managed the whole ordeal pretty well until it came time to end the conversation and I slipped into dweeb mode.

"Ok, thanks you!  I mean, thankly!  I mean, thankly you!  I mean thanks to you!  I mean thankful!  Thank!  Thanks you!  Much gratitude is expressed to you!  Ack!"  And then I hung up.

It's not always my fault when phone calls get uncomfortable though.  Here is an actual snippet of a phone conversation that I had (with an attorney!) yesterday:

Me: I'm not looking to try anything, you know, through the backdoor.
Attorney:  Oh, don't worry.  We're not anal like that.
Both: *long awkward pause*

I think we were both trying to decide if it would make it better or worse to acknowledge that we had both sexually harassed each other.  In the end (ba-DUM-bah) we both laughed uncomfortably and then ended the conversation as quickly as possible.

This is why I hold as many conversations as possible via text message.  Although that's not much better since thanks to auto-correct I have now told someone that I would "pee on them" and someone else that they should "get ghetto".  Soon no one is going to talk to me at all.

Two years ago today I wanted someone to call the cops on me.
Five years ago today I was the most boring person alive.

Nice customer service T-Mobile

I don't know if you know this about me but I'm sort of attached to my phone. I pretty much always have it within arms reach. Even though most of the time no one is trying to get in touch with me it's exciting to know that at any moment someone could.

So you can imagine my distress when I woke up the other day to find that the phone that had been functioning perfectly when I went to bed was now ... not. If my phone rang I could answer it but not hear anything. The person calling could hear me but I didn't know that at first and that may have led to me swearing at my grandma as I tried to answer her call.

I took my phone into the T-mobile store and I had to wait a good half hour just for my turn to seen. When it was my turn the salesperson punched some stuff into his computer to bring up my account info. Then he told me that we were over on our minutes (thanks to some person who will remain nameless but who's name starts with a J and ends with an esse.) and would I like to purchase a plan with more minutes? I asked him if that was the cause of my phone not working and when he said it wasn't I asked if we could please focus on the issue at hand then.

Jesse (user of more than his fair share of cell phone minutes) said I was rude but come one! Was that really the best time to try and sell me a different plan. What's that you say? I should get even more minutes that I won't be able to use on my broken phone? Sign me up!

It didn't really matter anyway since my phone is apparently broken beyond repaid and in need of replacing. Did the store have a replacement? No they did not. Buy they could send me on! And it will only take 3-7 business days and I'll have to pay for shipping. Now that's some sweet customer service.

3-7 business days actually turns out to be a long time when you're waiting on a functioning phone. I can still talk on my current phone as long as it's on speaker phone. That's neat. Of course, I'm slowly losing other features. Like the feature where the phone doesn't turn off 87 times a day and can't be turned back on until the battery is removed and replaced. And the feature where the phone doesn't reset itself in the middle of a text. Or the feature where the phone doesn't suddenly start to emit a high pitched squeal that can't be stopped no matter what you do. Or the feature where the phone doesn't suddenly decide on it's own to turn the volume down to the lowest setting. You know, little things like that.

In conclusion, if you try to call me in the next week or so (THANKS T-MOBILE!) don't be offended if I pick up the phone and swear at you or hang up on you. It's not me. It's this stupid phone that I paid way too much for foolishly thinking that it would not break for no reason at all after only six months.

One year ago today I tried to give up caffeine. Ahahahahaha.
Three years ago today I got a love letter from Dr Hot.

I'll have the insecurity with a side of angst please

Today I went to run some errands with the kids and I forgot my phone at home. I felt NAKED!

The whole time I was shopping I kept thinking that I heard my phone beeping and I would reach for it to check it and I would remember that it was sitting at home. Each time it was like a tiny stab to my heart.

People are used to having constant access to me. I always have my phone right by me. All I could think when I was shopping was that surely people were trying to call and text me and email me and get in touch with me and I had let them down by leaving my phone at home. Oh, the humanity!

By the time I got home I was worn out just thinking of how many people I was going to have to explain to why I was incommunicado for all afternoon. I came in the house and grabbed my phone, sweet relief flooding over me.

No missed calls, no emails, no texts.

Now I just feel sad.

One year ago today Jesse said something kind of dumb.
Three years ago today Joseph did something kind of sweet.