Weaning Elle

Elle and I are coming to the end of our nursing road. She's down to just twice a day now. She's not totally happy about it but she's doing ok. Probably better than I am. It makes me so sad when we're cuddling up and she pulls my shirt up and tries to suck on my stomach. It actually makes it a little sad just to think about it.

I have to stop nursing her before I go forward with the surrogacy because I have to be on some medication for a while that you can't take while nursing. I'm also finding that I'm not enjoying it as much as I used to. When we do nurse Elle is squirming around, biting, pulling on my clothes and "talking". None of it makes for a very comfortable nursing session for me.

The good news is that I succeeded in my goal to nurse for a year. (Formula is fine what it's the only option available but I really, really think that babies should be nursed whenever possible.) Now Elle can go right to milk without ever having to go on formula. I'm really proud of both of us for sticking with it even when it was so hard in the beginning. For the first 2-3 months I hated nursing. Now though I think that it has given Elle and I a bond that nothing else could. Once we got it worked out it became something that we both really enjoyed. I'm a little sad to give that up.

I'll miss the way she'll suddenly stop sucking and smile up at me. I'll miss how warm and cozy she feels when she falls asleep on my lap, her tummy all full of milk. I'll miss the funny face she makes when she wants to nurse and I'm just not getting things ready fast enough. I'll miss her soft, contented sighs and the way she gently pats when chest when she's really happy to get to nurse.

On the other hand, I'll be really glad to have my boobs shrink back to normal size again.

Nursing has been wonderful for us and if Elle didn't like table food so much I would probably put off the surrogacy and continue to nurse for a while. But I feel like now is the right time for both of us to stop.

So if you happen to see me in the next couple of weeks and I'm sobbing as I stuff cabbage leaves into my bra, just keep in mind that I'm trying to wean.