The end of the road

No more nursing from here on out. Today I nursed Elle for the last time. I'm so sad! It's almost like she's not a baby any more. She doesn't need me any more. I can be away from her for more than a few hours at a time now. Sigh. It's a good thing I guess but man, I didn't know it was going to make me feel so sad.

Today I was hugging Jesse and Joseph said "Daddy, you should probably break up with Mommy. I think she's starting to over-love you." What a weird kid.

One down, one to go

Elle and I are down to one nursing a day. I decided that from here on out I would only nurse her off the right side. That's the side that she prefers so we used to use that side more anyway. My left side? It's killing me. To be totally crass, I feel like my left boob weighs about 40 pounds. I suppose I better get used to it because I'm going to be feeling that way on my right side soon too. I figure Friday or Saturday will be the last night I nurse Elle. Wahhhh!!

What if I don't have any more kids and this is the last time I ever get to nurse a baby? Did I say I didn't want more kids? I take it back! I take it all back!

Weaning Elle

Elle and I are coming to the end of our nursing road. She's down to just twice a day now. She's not totally happy about it but she's doing ok. Probably better than I am. It makes me so sad when we're cuddling up and she pulls my shirt up and tries to suck on my stomach. It actually makes it a little sad just to think about it.

I have to stop nursing her before I go forward with the surrogacy because I have to be on some medication for a while that you can't take while nursing. I'm also finding that I'm not enjoying it as much as I used to. When we do nurse Elle is squirming around, biting, pulling on my clothes and "talking". None of it makes for a very comfortable nursing session for me.

The good news is that I succeeded in my goal to nurse for a year. (Formula is fine what it's the only option available but I really, really think that babies should be nursed whenever possible.) Now Elle can go right to milk without ever having to go on formula. I'm really proud of both of us for sticking with it even when it was so hard in the beginning. For the first 2-3 months I hated nursing. Now though I think that it has given Elle and I a bond that nothing else could. Once we got it worked out it became something that we both really enjoyed. I'm a little sad to give that up.

I'll miss the way she'll suddenly stop sucking and smile up at me. I'll miss how warm and cozy she feels when she falls asleep on my lap, her tummy all full of milk. I'll miss the funny face she makes when she wants to nurse and I'm just not getting things ready fast enough. I'll miss her soft, contented sighs and the way she gently pats when chest when she's really happy to get to nurse.

On the other hand, I'll be really glad to have my boobs shrink back to normal size again.

Nursing has been wonderful for us and if Elle didn't like table food so much I would probably put off the surrogacy and continue to nurse for a while. But I feel like now is the right time for both of us to stop.

So if you happen to see me in the next couple of weeks and I'm sobbing as I stuff cabbage leaves into my bra, just keep in mind that I'm trying to wean.