Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt

I bet you're on the edge of your seat wondering how the two most exciting things in my life turned out last week.  I'll fill you in on Joseph's birthday party and my tooth removal in a second but first, let me ask you a question.  I took the kids to the drive through at McDonalds for some ice cream after soccer practice and I ordered both of them a small McFlurry.  The order-taker-person snotted back to me "Small?  We don't have small.  We have regular and snack size.  Which of those do you want?"

Now is it just me or is it not a giant, impossible leap of logical thinking to figure out that if someone orders a "small" what they want is the smaller available size?  Like, if I had ordered a large I can see where she might have felt like she had to tell me there was nothing bigger than the regular size but was the snotty tone warranted when I ordered a small?  Most of the time I'm not one to say nothing when I'm treated rudely but I have this fear that all food service people are just waiting for an excuse to spit in my food so I just meekly corrected my order to two snack sized McFlurrys.  (That's a stupid name anyway.  Snack sized?  When you don't want to make a meal out of your ice cream?)  Plus, Elle had practiced soccer in the rain and she only cried twice so I wasn't about to tell her we couldn't get ice cream just because Mrs SnackSizedBossyFace was rude to me.

Aaaaaanyway.  The birthday party.  It went well.  In the end almost no one RSVPed so Joseph called everyone on his list and said adorable things like "Hello!  This is Joseph!  I invited your son, Aaron P, to go to my birthday party this Saturday.  Please let me know if he's able to attend so my mom knows how much cake to buy!  Thank you and have a pleasant day!".  After people were able to recover from the sheer, overwhelming cuteness of his phone messages they called and a total of 11 kids said they were coming.

The day of the party nine kids showed up.  I don't know what's worse, not RSVPing or RSVPing and then not coming.  Whatever.  We had the party at my grandma's apartment building and we rented out the theater so the kids could have a private showing of Despicable Me.  Then they had pizza and cake and spent the next hour screaming fart jokes at each other.  If volume is any indicator a wonderful time was had by all.

Joseph had a great time. He cried a little bit when the last kid was picked up.  Ever since the party he's been asking if we can throw more parties this summer.  A end of summer party, a middle of summer party, a 4th of July party, a sprinkler party to make the neighborhood kids jealous.  We might do that last one.

And now to the other thing in my life, my teeth getting pulled out.  Not much to tell about that since I was knocked out for the procedure.  All I remember is that a nurse came in to give me some laughing gas and somehow we got to talking about me being a surrogate.  She was asking all these questions and I was rambling on and on and I don't even remember most of what I said.  Then she said she was going to start my IV medication and then I started to feel really woozy.  I joked "Now I'm going to start telling you all the really embarrassing stuff!"  Pause.  "Like one time I..." and then I don't remember what I said after that so there's a very good possibility that the nurse knows something about me that I would rather she did not.

My mouth feels weird with the missing teeth.  I have to wait two months until I can see about implants so for now I sort of mumble/talk without opening my mouth much because I don't want people to see the gaps.  They're far back so I suppose it's not totally obvious but still, I sort of hate it.

And now I will close out this long boring post with a cute thing Elle says: She calls bumper stickers "bumper car stickers".

Two years ago today I got out of the hospital.
Five years ago today my kids were in a parade.

Teeth suck

Remember when my dentist was all "You have the most amazing teeth and the longest roots every!"?  Yeah, that was awesome.  The problem is that in addition to fantastic roots I also have two baby teeth left in my mouth.  Two of the bottom molars are baby teeth that don't have any permanent teeth under them.

Turns out that baby teeth don't last forever.  After a while the roots start to disintegrate and sooner or later they have to go.  And when one of your baby teeth has a cavity and one has a crack in it they have to go sooner.  I could have the teeth fixed but my dentist thinks I'll probably lose the teeth in a couple of years any way so it doesn't make much sense to pay to fix them now. 

Meaning?  The baby teeth are coming out.  And as long as the teeth are getting pulled I'm also having that stupid leftover fragment of wisdom tooth cut out.  You know, for funsies.

So tomorrow I have to go in and get two teeth pulled and a wisdom tooth removed.  It's gonna be so awesome!  And by awesome I mean terrible.  I'm going to be left with two empty spots in my mouth that have to heal before I can get implants or a bridge or whatever put in.  I'm not going to open my mouth at all for the next few months.  That should make some people in my life happy.  It makes me less happy as I rather enjoy running my mouth but what are you gonna do?

Wish me luck. I'm going to spend the rest of today drowning my extreme dental anxiety in chocolate cake.  And then probably a little wine.

One year ago today I had some news.
Two years ago today I liked Mike.
Four years ago today I got pregnant.  Awww!

You just can't cut the wisdom out of me

I have a story for you.  It's a story of magic and miracles and wonder and the freaky ass thing that's going on inside my mouth right now.

Eight years ago I had my wisdom teeth removed.  It took a long time for the right lower side of my mouth to heal and at a follow up appointment an x-ray showed that I still had a small tooth chip left in my gums.  The oral surgeon promised me that the chip would work it's way out or it would be reabsorbed by the surrounding gum tissue.

Eight years come and go.  The chip never came out so I always assumed it was reabsorbed.  It's never brought up by any dentist that I see.  (I change dentists a lot.  I have a massive dentist phobia and I'm always looking for one that I can make an appointment with without feeling like I could vomit from terror.)

Yesterday I went to a brand new dentist.  I mentioned that I was having some pain on the right side of my lower jaw.  She looked at my new x-rays and said "That's because you've got a wisdom tooth crowding your molar on that side.  It's going to need to come out."

I explain that I already had that wisdom tooth out.  She pulls up an old set of my x-rays.

"Huh .... I've never ... How is that ... Are we sure these are yours?  We are?  Then how... That doesn't seem right."

All good things to hear your dentist saying.

It turns out that my tiny little leftover wisdom tooth chip has regrown into a tooth.  It's a small tooth but it's a tooth.  It's got a nerve running though it and everything.

My dentist says she's never seen that happen before.  In fact, when I got home I had a consult with Dr Google and I learned that wisdom teeth do not regrow.  It just doesn't happen.  Unless, you know, it does.  In my mouth.  It happens in my mouth.

Now I don't have the x-rays so I can't give you photographic proof but why would I lie about this?  Because I want to achieve world-wide fame as The Freak With The Tooth Thing?  It's not exactly a title that comes with great power and financial rewards.  Believe me, if I was going to lie to you it would be about something much more exciting that my wisdom tooth.

The dentist also expressed amazement over the length of the roots of the teeth in my lower jaw.  She just went on and on about it.  At first I was oddly proud like it was something I had any control over.  Then she just kept talking about it.  She even said it looked like the roots are longer now than they were in my last set of x-rays.  If I had not been sucking down nitrous oxide like it was chocolate cake I probably would have thought to ask her if that meant that sooner or later the roots of my teeth are going to pop right out of the bottom of my face.

I'll ask her tomorrow.  I have to go back to have a cavity filled.  At least that's the excuse the dentist gave for wanting me to come back.  She probably just wants me to sit in the waiting room so she can charge people 25 cents each to get a look at the Amazing Walrus Girl.

Two years ago today we came back from Disney World.
Three years ago today I laughed at Jesse and the kids were freaking adorable.

Dr Hot

Dr Hot has written me a letter. It says "I haven't stopped thinking about you since the last time we met. Please call me so that we can set up a time to see each other. I can't wait to see you. PS, I've already cleared this with your husband."

Ok, so I had to read between the lines a little bit to get that. But I'm sure that's what he meant when he said "Your child is due for his/her regular dental check-up. Please call our office to set up an appointment. We look forward to seeing your child again!" Also, it appears to be signed by someone named "Ellen" but I'm not letting that fool me. I know what it really means.

Teeth news

Joseph had his very first ever succesful dentist appointment yesterday. He had a check-up and cleaning and x-rays all with no problem. I found a dentist that has the magic touch! And it doesn't hurt that he's freakishly hot. Not that I notice that type of thing. Anyway, the whole thing went perfectly and Joseph even said that he had fun. He has not a single cavity or even any damage from the massive teeth grinding that he does at night. Even better news, Dr Hot says that the teeth grinding will probably go away all on it's own once Joseph gets all his molars in and that should be soon now.

Elle is getting another tooth! Thankfuly it's one of the center top ones and I'm sure the other one will follow soon. She's been kind of a bear the past fews days but that's not suprising considering she has 4 teeth that just popped though and 2 more that are probably very close.

In other Joseph news, his soccer practice is kind of hard for me to watch. Not all the kids are as nice as they could be and they aren't real patient with Joseph even though he's doing his best. He doesn't seem bothered by it though. He runs up and down that field like there's no tomorrow. He may only get to kick the ball once when they break into teams but he puts everything he's got into it. The rest of the time he just runs around yelling things like "Yellow team unite!" and "I try my best" and "I never give up!". Can you tell we've given him a pep talk or two. He was super excited yesterday because his team won 3-0 even though when he got the ball he kicked it halfway down the field in the wrong direction before the coach managed to get him turned around.

I was mistaken

Elle does not have one new tooth. She has three. The one on the bottom and two more on the top. Here's the strange thing. They're not the front teeth, they're the one's that are next to where the front ones should be. Have you every heard of such a strange thing? My baby is a freak!

Lack of news

I'm just updating to say that I really don't have much to say.

Elle's second tooth is still hiding and continuing to bother her once in a while. I'm sure it's going to come in any time now but I've been thinking that for a week now.

Joseph is continuing to sleep in his room at night without climbing into bed with us. He had one little slip up last night but otherwise Jesse and I have had our bed to ourselves.

We went to Monday Night Class this week. The lady who never shuts up continued to never shut up tonight. She's just terrible. I have to restrain myself from banging my head against the table whenever she opens her mouth to talk. It's nearly impossible to get a word in edgewise once she gtes going. We're supposed to be meeting to exchange ideas and discuss problems but she seems to think it's just a platform for her tell one long, rambling, pointless story after another. She's utterly clueless too. She doesn't even seem to notice that when she starts talking that everyone just stares off into space, trying to will themselves to a happier place.

Relay for Life meeting tomorrow. Gah. Why did I say I would be the captain? Ben, I think I have a fun game we could play. Email me if you're interested. It would require a couple of minutes on-line a day if you could swing it.

A good week

Pretty much everything was was going so rough with Joseph last week is going really smoothly this week. He's been sleeping in his ded every night, most nights not even coming into our room even once. He's listening the first time we tell him to do something (most of the time, he is 5 after all). He's been trying really hard in therapy. We didn't get a single bad report from school. My hope is that we're done with whatever little rough spot that was last week.

Elle's second tooth is thisclose to coming in. She's been a little bit crabby because of it but she's so good natured to start out with that it's nothing too bad. She's discovered screaming now. She does it all the time. She'll just lay there making these high pitched little shrieks for no reason at all. If Joseph's near here she screams until he comes over and pays attention to her then screams again if he leaves. She loves her big brother.

I have to get on the ball and start getting the Relay for Life stuff in order. Ugh. I am no good at organization. Oh well, it's all for a good cause so I suppose I can get my rear in gear for once.

Are you all watching Top Chef on Bravo? Do you all hate Steven (Stephen?) as much as I do? The guy is a complete tool. He's so pleased with himself all the time. It's a little unreal to watch because you almost think that he has to be joking. No one can be that self-satisfied and smug. Well, Steven/Stephen can! He can do anything! Just ask him.

My little guy

I had a date with my best little guy yesterday. Joseph and I went to see Doogal. It'a really wierd movie. The story is wierd, the characters are weird, the anamation is weird. There is a farting moose though so Joseph was happy anyway. The important thing was to spend some one on one time with Joseph anyway so that was good. He kept saying "I love you!" and "I like you!" and "I'm happy we're seeing a movie". It was cute.

On Saturday some of Jesse's friends from high school were in town and we stopped in to see them at their hotel. When we got there Joseph sat down at this table that had an ashtray sitting on it. He wrinkled up his nose and loudly said "Can someone move these cigarettes away from me?". After it had been moved he still stared at it for a while and finally asked "Who smoked those?" When the smoker fessed up Joseph turned to him and in the most serious voice possible said "Hey man, smoking's not cool." Everyone at the table burst out laughing, it was just too funny not too even though he was being very serious about the whole thing.

Elle's second tooth is just a day or two away from coming in. I can feel it under her gums. She's growing up so fast! Yesterday I gave her a tiny taste of apple sauce. She looked shocked and then offended and then happy ...... because she spit it out. We'll try again later, no reason to rush things. She loves rice cereal though. She gets some every day at lunch and she just gobbles it down. My baby's all about the eating!

Baby's first tooth

Elle has her first tooth! I was nursing her tonight and when I was done I noticed that she was making a lot of funny faces and doing wierd things with her mouth. I felt her gums and what do you know? Her front left bottom tooth broke through. It's the cutest little tooth you've ever seen in your life. What an amazing little baby I have.

My baby is high

A while back I got all four wisdom teeth and an impacted molar removed. The spot where they took the molar and wisdom tooth from the bottom right side never really healed right. Once or twice it has gotten red and inflamed but it's never been a big deal. I just rinse my mouth out with salt water a couple times a day and it goes away. It's going to take surgery to fix it but I can't have that done while I'm pregnant. Anyway, it's never really been a problem.

Day before yesterday I noticed the spot was a little sore so I started with the whole rinsing routine. It didn't seem to be helping and still hurt yesterday. As the day went on the pain got worse and worse until I actually in tears. My entire jaw, the right side of my throat, my ear and even my tounge hurt. A visit to the doctor confirmed that I have got a raging infection. The wierd thing is that if you look in my mouth you can't even see that anything is wrong. My mouth doesn't look red or puffy because the infection is so deep under the surface.

Anyway, now I'm on large doses of antibiotics and some pretty heavy duty painkillers. Here's the funny thing about painkillers. You can't take most of them while you're pregnant, not even things like asprin. Narcotics (like morphine and stuff) are ok because they won't harm the baby. They do, I have found out, affect the baby though. So right now I'm getting my baby high. I've asked about 100 people if they're sure this is safe and they all say it is. I even called my regualr doctor this morning to be reassured. Now that I've been told over and over and over that it's ok I'm just going to relax and let the little guy enjoy it.

I like to picture him floating around in there listening to 70's music and burning incense. Then I like to tap on my belly and imagine that he says "Dave's not here man!". It's our little joke.