Does this fat make my butt look big?

A story on the MSN homepage: "It's in the bag: Pick the perfect purse for your body type"

Great, not only do I have to worry about my jeans making my butt look fat and my fat butt making my butt look fat but now I have to worry about my purse making my butt look fat. Don't we already have enough to worry about? Women (and by "women" I mean "women other than me" because I don't give a flip about any of this stuff) already have to be sure that their purse matches their shoes and their outfits and their hair and the season. When picking out my last purse I also had the added criteria of it being a) big enough to hold all my regular crap plus a diaper and a box of finsens and about 12 pounds of change b) reasonably cute c) on sale for less than $20. Do we really need to worry about making sure that we have the right purse for our body type? Does anyone really care about that? Really?

Speaking of big butts ....... my derriere is growing larger by the day. Do you ever see those pregnant women who look totally normal except for the fact that it looks like they have half a beach ball attached to their tummy? Yeah, I'm not one of those women. In fact, when I was about 30 weeks pregnant with Elle my mom said "You don't look pregnant. You just look ..... fat."

I don't carry pregnancy in my tummy like a normal person. Everything on me widens and grows and expands. I've noticed that I've started running into things. I misjudge how much space I have and I bump into doorways, chairs, display racks and small children. Poor Joseph has probably taken more hip bumps and butt checks to the head in the last month than anyone should in their entire life.

Thinking about my growing backside is making me depressed. I'm going to go have some ice cream. I wonder if there's a purse with a little freezer inside it so you can carry ice cream around. Now that would be the right purse for my body type.