Friday, October 26, 2007

Womb for rent - the matter of money .... again

After my previous post about surrogacy and money I got a couple of questions. I'll answer them here.

First off: "how do people pay for it? Where do they get the money? Are they rich or did they save up? Can you get a loan for this sort of thing?"

I don't know a whole ton about this but I do know that surrogacy can be amazingly expensive for the IPs (intended parents). On top of paying the surrogate you have to pay agency fees. There might be the additional cost of insurace if the surrogate has none or has insurance that does not cover a surrogate pregnancy. Then there's the fees for an egg and/or sperm donor (if needed). There's the cost for the reproductive specialist who creates the embryos and implants them. There are countless medical tests and procedures that have to paid for out of pocket.

Of course, not everyone has all those fees. If you know someone willing to be a surrogate then you don't have to go through an expensive agency to find one. Some people have friends or family who are willing to be a surrogate for free (or nearly free) for them. Some people won't need egg or sperm donors. Some people use a surrogate who is the spouse of someone in the military because the insurance they use covers surrogate pregnancies. (By the way, I disagree with this 100%. While I think all members of the military and their families should have free medical care I don't think that the goverment should be paying for the medical care for someone who is carrying a child for someone not in the military. It's a hell of a way to work the system and I find it almost offensive. This is not a popular point of view in the surrogacy world.)

Even if you find a way to cut costs, the whole thing is mind bogglingly expensive. I don't know how people do it. I think that in most cases IPs are kind of well off. It could be that I just have the wrong impression but know for sure that surrogacy is something that your average paycheck to paycheck family could never afford. And that's just one reason why I would never use a surrogate myself. There are more but I'll go into those another time.

Another question: "I'm just wondering how you would want to be pregnant and then know that you don't have the "reward" at the end of a new baby to love and care for. I mean, for most people being pregnant is not exactly fun. So is it just for the money or do you have other reasons?"

It's not just for the money but yes, the money is a big part of it. I wouldn't do this for free, not even for a friend or family member. It's just too much to put myself and my family through without some sort of compensation. But, as I said, it's not just for the money. As crazy as it might sound (to anyone who knows what my last pregnancy was like) I really liked being pregnant. I loved, love, love giving birth. I found it empowering and exhilerating. As soon as it was done and I had a little bit of rest I thought "Wow, I want to do that again!". Surrogacy seemed like a good way to get to go through that all again.

Maybe I'm strange but I don't think of having a newborn to care for a real "reward". I didn't like the newborn stage. I never got enough sleep and I was always stressed out and tired. Frankly, this time around I'll be glad to say that I don't have to be the one worrying about diaper changes and feedings every two hours and the umbilicl cord stump falling off.

I do get a reward though. I am thrilled to help someone build their family. I'm very excited for B and J getting to go through all the fun baby stuff. I'm happy to be a part of it all. I feel like I'm giving someone a really special gift that not just anyone would be willing or able to give.

Wow. That was really long and I haven't even gotten to my other top two questions. Stay tuned for those!

1 comment:

melody is slurping life said...

I love that you relish the reward of helping someone "build a family". I'm behind on my fave bloggers, but hope all is well with you.