Thursday, September 10, 2009

This is why my heart is on the floor

I choke up once or twice as I drive her to her first day of preschool. I glance back at her and her eyes are bright and happy. She chatters on, telling me all the things she's going to do at school.

Clutched to her chest is a new backpack. It strikes me that the backpack is half her size.

She seems so small.

When we get to the school she puts her backpack in her locker. I try to wrap my brain around the fact that my baby has a locker.

In the classroom she is nearly vibrating with excitement as we check her in. I try to take her hand to show her (just one more time) where the bathrooms are but she pulls away from me and makes for the play kitchen area.

My little buddy, my constant companion, my shadow.

I watch her from across the room as she plays with the other kids. She seems so grown up. She's a head taller than most of the kids in the class. I smile as I look at her impossibly long legs topped off by her little round bottom.

Her jeans are slipping down and I want to go over and pull them up. Obviously she's too young for this. She still needs me to be with her all the time.

She turns and sees me standing there. She smiles and says "Mama? Can you go now so I can be at school all by myself?"

This is why my heart is on the floor.

One year ago today I got political.
Two years ago today I struggled with medicating Joseph.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Honey It doesn't get any easier.I remember when Brian started school. A neighbor and I went out to the bus and waved good bye, Saw the big bus disappear through blurred eyes. Than the neighbor and I got in her car and followed at a safe distance all the way to school. Saw them safely into school and left. That was after 5 children starting school. It does make the heart ache. Good Luck when she is at Disney World. :-) Love GGR

Beany said...

Oh great. now my heart is on the floor too.

Laggin said...

But when she gets home, she'll scoop up your heart and hand it back to you and it will all be as it should be.

Suzy Voices said...

Ooof, a knife to the heart!! But yes, it will get better each day. But every year on the first day it's just as bad. :(

Stimey said...

Oh, your little girl!

And then did you go home and take a nap and feel all better? Because you can nap during the day now. Anytime you want. Without guilt. You've hit the parenting jackpot. I'm so jealous I kind of want to die.

Emily said...

So this made my eyes water. Whatev.

Chiara said...

Aw. My mum used to say she wished she could bonsai my feet so I'd stay little forever.