There are weird people all over the place and some of them become parents

When we left off Elle was playing in the backyard with a neighbor boy after I had shooed H out of our yard.  They played for a few minutes but then the little boy's sister (stick with me, it gets confusing here) came into our yard and said that H's mother (who is not related to the little boy) said he could not stay in our yard any more.  When I questioned what was going on the girl told me H's mom wanted to talk to me and that she didn't want the neighborhood kids playing in my yard.  I assured the little boy that I had talked to his dad and that it was ok that he stayed in my yard.  Then I told the little boy's sister that if H's mother wanted to talk to me she should come on over.

Now if you're like me you're thinking "What the hell?  She sent an eight year old over as her messenger?  And she's trying to dictate what the other neighborhood kids are doing?"  Because that's what I thought.  Because I'm not a crazy person.

Jesse and I went into the garage to do some work for a garage sale.  We had the door open and I kept an eye out for for H's mother but nothing happened for a while.  I started to think the whole thing would just be dropped.

And then I saw her stomping across the street.  Now something to keep in mind here is that I was not even certain what her name was at this point.  In the three years we have lived in this house I have never spoken to this neighbor.  Before she was banned from our house her kid spent hours and hours over here yet she never once thought to come over and introduce herself or to see the home that her kid was playing in or to say "Hey, thanks for watching my kid all day while I had no idea where she was!"  She only decided to talk to me after I said her child wasn't allowed in my yard any more.  Ponder that for a second.

I put my hand up to Jesse and said "I will handle this." just as H's mother reached the end of my driveway and yelped "I think we have an issue we might need to discuss!"

Internal monologue.  "I don't even know your name.  You've never spoken to me before or even bothered to return my friendly waves when we pass each other on the road.  In the interest in neighborly goodwill I have kept my mouth shut when your daughter broke the handle of our screen door.  I never said anything to you when she was rude to me or mean to my daughter.  I even kept it to myself when she tried to steal from Elle because I didn't want my first interaction with you to be one where you felt attacked.  But now you have the nerve to come over to my home and yelp at me because your daughter's feelings were hurt by the fact that there's one yard she can't rule the roost in?  Oh honey.  There is some shit up with which I will not put."

I met her at the at the end of the driveway and she flared her nostrils at me and said 'Why are you being mean to H?"

It kind of got worse from there.  She talked fast, I talked faster.  She got loud, I managed to stay pretty quiet.  She flared her nostrils bigger and bigger and I looked at Jesse like "This bitch is crazy right?"  She kept making the same points over and over.  "H is a good girl!  She's a good girl!  I think she's a good girl!" I shot them down. "No she's not.  Really, is that why she stole from my house?  Is that why every other neighbor around us has complained to me about her?" (All right, that last one was a low blow.)

She tried to blame Elle for starting the fight.  I let her know that's ridiculous because Elle is 5 and H is 9.  She countered that it couldn't be H's fault because (and I am not making this up) H has had fights with every other kid in the neighborhood and that's just what kids do.  I suggested she take a look at the pattern H had dealing with other kids.  She said I couldn't know for sure that the fights weren't Elle's fault because I had not seen them first hand.  I responded that I DID know because if my kids are outside I know where they're going and who they're with.  A lot of the time I can even see them out my front window because I keep an eye on them even when they're outside.  I pointed out that she didn't know H was causing the fights because before that day she didn't even know that there were fights being had.

It became obvious pretty quickly that H's mother had not come over to deal with anything.  She came over to bully me and make me feel bad for kicking H out of my yard.  Once she saw that it wasn't working she got flustered and all but resorted to "I know you are but what am I?"

The strangest part of the argument was when she tried to tell me that H was allowed to decide if Elle was allowed to play in the neighbor's yard or not if she was there first.  I actually laughed in her face.  Back in the garage Jesse was snickering as well.  I let her know that sooner or later H was going to have to learn that she wasn't in charge of everything.  And maybe I stuck my finger in her face a little bit and said "And you need to learn it too because if it happens again I'm going to put a stop to it."

This was the point where I think she realized she wasn't getting what she wanted she so pulled out what she thought would be the big guns.  "Well then" she said with a self-satisfied smile.  "I guess H won't be allowed to play at your house any more."  I paused, confused.  "Um, H hasn't been allowed in my house for at least two years now."

She blinked.  Blinked again.  Then she looked smug.  "Then Elle's not allowed to play in our yard either."

I laughed again.  "Elle hasn't been in your yard for years because of how H behaves.  Do you just not know at all what is going on with your kids?"

There was a bit more back and forth but at this point it was all just a blur and I was wondering if she was ever going to leave my yard.  All I knew was that I wasn't walking away first.  This woman wanted to bully me and try and say it was ok for her kid to bully my kid.  She wanted me to back down and agree that Elle was somehow to blame for what happened.  I wasn't worried about being the bigger person or the mature adult.  I didn't even care how stupid I looked standing at the end of my driveway arguing with a lunatic.

At last H's mother threw up her hands and said "Fine!  Fine!  It's all settled then!  Elle's not allowed to play in our yard and H won't come over any more!  Fine!"

"That's fine with me!" I called back.  "I have to say though that after talking to you I'm not real surprised H acts the way she does."

H's mother stopped in her tracks.  Her whole body got stiff and she opened and shut her mouth a few times.  She looked exactly like H had when I made her leave our yard.  I felt a brief little jolt of something... victory? and I smiled to myself as H's mother stormed across the street.  (Interesting side note, she then went across the street and proceeded to yell at H and some of the neighbor girls demanding their side of the story.  That might have been a good idea to do BEFORE you came over and made an ass of yourself in my yard but WHATEVER.)

So now all is quiet on the western front.  Every day since this has happened Elle has played with neighbor kids without incident.  Joseph reported that a few times he saw H sitting in her driveway and pouting.  I feel a little sorry for her because she obviously got screwed in the parenting department.  She's a bully because she's being raised by a bully.  But I'm not sure I'm a nice enough person to feel as sorry for her as I should have.  I'm glad that (for a couple of days anyway) she's the one feeling left out.

Of course we still have to live across the street from these people.  I don't think for one second this is the end of H being mean or causing issues.  My hope though is that she and Elle will just go their separate ways and that I don't have to have anything else to do with her or her mother.  Or that they move to Antarctica.  I guess I kind of hope that too.

Three years ago today Joseph made up a game.
Four years ago today I had kids.
Six years ago today I was hungry.