Boo hoo

I am such a sad sack. I hate being sick like this. I turn into a pathetic, blubbering mess. My nose is all swollen and red, it looks like a little cherry tomato right in the middle of my face.

So I'm what? 18 weeks pregnant now? Is that right? I think so. I think I've felt the baby move a few times now but it was so faint that I can't be 100% sure that's what it was. I've developed a linea nigra (a dark brown line going down my belly) in the past couple of days. I know it doesn't serve any purpose, I just think it's interesting to see all the wierd things my body is doing.

FYI- In my pregnancy and birth book it says "Many prolems at this stage are due to the progesterone-induced relaxation of the digestive system, which can cause heartbur, indigestion, gas and constipation." See, pregnancy does make you fart.

Ugh

My body is so heavy that it feels like my bones are made of lead. Every muscle hurts and my throat is so sore it hurts to swallow. It takes a huge effort to get out of bed and downstairs. I'm sick to my stomach and can't eat. My list of approved medication includes slowly sipped hot chocolate and Wild Berry Lifesavers. I'm going to lug myself to the couch now and sleep for a month.

Food porn

I can't stop watching the Food Network these days. I turn it on whenever I have a free moment and no matter what they're cooking I just can't make myself turn it off. Did you know that some people call mashed potatoes "smashed potatoes?"

I don't feel so good today. My head is pounding, my throat is sore and swollen, my entire body aches and I don't have what I need in the house to make this new recipe for smashed potatoes that I learned from watching tv.

Back me up here

Can someone else please back me up and say that hormones during pregnancy can cause you indigestion including gas? That it's a real thing and not just (as my mom said) "an excuse to fart"? Come on, it's a real thing!

Pregnancy stuff

I had a doctors appointment yesterday. Everything is going well. I have gained 2 pounds so my offical pregnancy weight change is still minus 12 pounds. I think it's actually more than that because I lost closer to 20 pounds but some of that was before my first offical weigh in with my doctor. Anyway, only 2 pounds is pretty good considering the way I've been packing it on lately. I have to keep reminding myself that I don't need to eat enough to make up for the first 3 1/2 months.

Everything else looks good. My blood pressure and urine were normal. The baby's heartbeat sounded good and (for the first time) very loud. She didn't even have to look for it, just put the device on my belly and heard it right away. I don't know if it's because the baby is bigger now or what but this is the first time she didn't have to search all over to find the heartbeat.

So what is a baby doing at 17 weeks? Glad you asked! Right now the muscles have formed that let the baby practice sucking and swallowing. It's swallowing amniotic fluid all the time and then peeing it back out. And swallowing it again. Babies are kind of gross if you think about it too much. Also, fingerprints are starting to form. It's a busy week. The baby can now be as long as 6.5 inches and weigh 5 ounces. They can also cause their mother's to have tremendous amounts of gas. Er, so I hear anyway. Not that I have a problem with it. I've never almost blasted myself off the couch with a mondo gas explosion.

It tastes like burning!

Last night at Joseph's parent/child class a police officer came and talked to the kids about safety. I asked Joseph what the officer told them and our conversation went like this:

Joseph: Officer Nick told us not to go in other people's yards or houses if we don't know them.
Me: Why not?
J: Because they might be strangers.
M: Right, and who's house could you go into?
J: Grandma's and Beanie's and your's and The Wheeze's and Officer Nick's.
M: And other people too if Mommy and Daddy tell you it's ok. What else did he tell you?
J: Not to get in stranger's cars.
M: That's a good idea.
J: Why?
M: Because there are some people who aren't very nice to kids. Only go in someone's car if Mommy or Daddy or Grandma or Grandpa say it's ok.
J: Or in Officer Nick's car. And I always have to wear a seat belt.
M: That's right, what else did you talk about?
J: Not to take candy from stangers.
M: Why not?
J: Because it could have poison or, you know, maybe be on fire.

This conversation was much more amusing than the one I had just before it with one of the idiot parents in the class. She thought it was ok to talk about Joseph while he was standing 2 feet away and say such insightful things as "He sure is hyper ain't he?" and "He talks so much that no one else could get a word in with the police officer." (She knew this because for some reason her idiot sister who is roughly the size of a Mac truck comes to the class and stays in the room with the kids during the time when the parents go into another room to talk.) and "He's adopted right? So he ain't your real kid?" She got pretty rude responses from me but not as rude as I would have liked to have been. So here's what I would have said if I could have said whatever I wanted to: "Yes, he's my real kid and no he's not hyper. He just has a lot of energy. You know what energy is right? It's that thing you use when you waddle your fat ass out to the car to go down to the Dairy Queen for the fourth time in one day. Lots of kids are energetic. You should know that but I'm not suprised you don't since your entire family looks like the most exercise it gets is when it bends over to pick up that Cheeto that you dropped last week and just realized was still under the couch. And yes, Joseph talks a lot but I'm glad that he has a lot to say. It shows me he has a lot on his mind and a lot he wants to share with other people. I would rather have a kid who talks too much than to be raising that grunting little pig that you call a child. Oh, and before I go, do you think you could manage, for once, to wear a shirt to class that is not stained in several places. And sis, how about retiring those black stretch pants? They're starting to become a safety issue. If they get stretched any tighter the button is going to fly off and put someone's eye out."

So yeah, it's a good thing to have a little internal switch that doesn't let me let loose like that. I have to admit though that there is a part of me that knows it would have felt damn good to have said that stuff. Of course I would have felt bad later. I'm too nice.

For anyone who thinks I'm being harsh, I should point out that these people have been a thorn in my side since we moved to St Cloud. They used to live in the same apartment building as us and we would see them all the time in the hall, in the lobby, in the garage and in the parking lot. They would literally stop what they were doing and turn to stare at us. Not discreetly either! They would make it pretty clear and they did it every fricken time they saw us. Even after we moved it didn't stop. We would see them everywhere! In the store, in the car next to us on the road, if we would go out to eat and twice (twice for God's sake!) in the emergency room. And each and every time they stared at us like we were naked and had horns growing out of our head. I honestly groaned out loud the first time I saw them come into the parent/child class. We will never be free of them.

Fun Mom memories

I meant to post this yesterday in honor of Mother's Day but I got distracted by other things. Here are a couple of fun memories I have of my mom.

1- One time Mom was making chocolate chip cookies and she made a special one for me. At that time I got home from school before Ben so I was the only one to get one. It was probably twice the size of a regualr cookie by in my distorted childhood memory the thing is as big as a pizza. She told me not to tell Ben I got the big cookie and when he got home his "special cookie" was a tiny one about half the size of a regular cookie. It was awesome. I'm sure I was able to not tell Ben for about 3 seconds.

2- Once Mom told Ben and I to dress up in some "fancy" clothes from our dress-up box. She then put a bad sheet on the table to make it into a "restaurant". Then she put out lettuce and salad stuff like a salad bar so we could fix our own salad. The best part was that she made up "menus" with all the leftovers in the house written on them so that we could order whatever we wanted. This is one of my most vivid memories from childhood. I even remember the color of the sheets that were used on the table and salad bar.

3- When we were living in the trailer park Mom came home from work one night and woke Ben and I up. She had a suprise for us, plastic Pac-Man mugs! The pictures on them changed when you moved them around. As young as I must have been at the time I remember that night so clearly. We were so excited, I can picture Ben bouncing around on his bed. I think we thought those mugs were the best things ever and it was made extra-fun because we were woken up to get them.

4- On our family trip to Disney World we went to eat after a long day of theme-parking. We were all kind of slap-happy and everything seemed extra funny for some reason. We were reading triva questions that were on the table and one of them was to name all 7 of the dwarfs. My mom's strategy was to just quickly try to copy whatever anyone else said regardless of if it made sense or not. This is hard to explain but to this day I get a chuckle when I picture her trying to look serious and counting off on her fingers "Sleepy, Dopey, ok, Sneezy, Sleepy, Doc, Right" and including "Ok" and "Right" in her count.

5- During a visit to some theme park in California (I think) we rode on some cheesy ride where you went "back in time!". The ride started with this scientist yelling at you to get away from the time machine and that you were going "back in time!". We got stuck there for about 2 minutes and when the ride started up again Mom gave the animatronic scientist the finger. We all laughed for the rest of the ride.

6- This is not one specific event but it has to do with the face my mom makes when she tries to do something like cross her eyes or roll her tounge or wiggle her ears. No matter what she's trying to do she makes the exact same face! Then she says "I"m doing it! Am I doing it?" but really all she's doing is half closing her eyes and pursing up her lips. It always kills me. I love my mom.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to my mom! Thank you for everything you've done for me. Thank you most of all for showing me by example how to be a good mother so that I could do the same with Joseph. I love you!