For my brother

I know why they call you Ben. Because you're Ben solid.

I'm so glad I didn't watch Top Chef with you last night because there's no way I could have taken the rest of the show seriously after that if you had been in the room.

Warning: Disturbing Penis Dream Ahead

For me being pregnant means a lot of things. It means morning sickness and mood swings and bizarre cravings. It also means strange and vivid dreams nearly every night. Most of the times I enjoy the dreams because they're usually good dreams and they're so realistic that they're kind of fun. It's fun to wake up from a dream that felt so real that you're almost not sure if it really happened or not. The dream I had last night though was so strange and disturbing that I just can't seem to get it out of my head. I've been thinking about it all day long so I just had to share it.

As a side note I would like to point out that I hate hearing about other people's dreams. I just don't think it's that entertaining to hear a 20 minute story about something that only happened in your mind. So I won't be offended if no one reads this. I just want everyone to know that if they do chose to skip this entry they'll be missing out on a description of a living, detachable penis. Oh, and I would also like to apologize in advance to Jesse for telling this story.

Ok. Here goes. In my dream I find myself standing over Jesse who's alseep in bed. Since he's laying there naked and all I decide I'll just, um .... remove his penis. I pull on it and it just pops off, sort of like Barbie's legs do when you pull on them too hard. I walk around with the penis in my hand and I use it for various things like killing a spider and dusting the tv. (That's how you know it's a dream, I never dust.)

At some point I decide to go outside, still holding the penis of course. I'm sitting on the front steps when all of the sudden a bunch of kids go running by yelling for me to look out for the bear. I look over my shoulder and realize that there's a huge brown bear running towards me. I run towards the house and decide to throw the penis at the bear to distract it. I watch from the porch as the bear walks over to sniff the penis. To my suprise the penis comes to life, moving and hissing like a snake. (I won't describe this further because even thinking about it horrifies me now.)

I run inside to find Jesse awake and looking out the window and smiling as the bear rips apart his snakepenis. "Oh Jesse!" I cry "I'm so sorry! Now we won't be able to have any more children! I'm sorry I didn't think about that before I threw it!"

Jesse just smiled and said it was no big deal. The last thing I remember before I woke up was that I felt so relieved that Jesse wasn't mad that I let a bear eat his living, detachable penis.

So. Uh. That's it then.

Hooray!

Hooray! No more bedrest!

That's right, I'm back in good old Minnesota (it's hotter here than it was in LA!) and I'm off of bedrest. I still have to take it easy for the nest week or so but I don't have to do it while laying in bed. After this week everything should be back to normal.

The trip itself went pretty well. Highlights included realizing I was the fattest woman in all of LA (more on that later), the cabbie from India who cheerfully insulted every aspect of my life (more on that later too and seriously, it was hilarious) and having the following phone conversation with Joseph:

Me: Have you had anything to eat yet today sweetie?
Joseph: You mean other than cookies and tootsie rolls? No.
Jesse: Ack! Give me that phone back!

The only crappy part of the trip, aside from the guy next to me on the way home who was maybe the grossest person I've ever been next to (and yes, more on that later) was the CVS test. The doctor reassured me that she had numbed my skin so that I wouldn't even feel the needle going in. And that was true. I didn't feel the needle at all as it entered the first layer of skin. After that though I could feel it piercing through each layer of fat and flesh on my tummy. When the time came for the needle to pierce through my uterine wall the doctor told me I would feel "a little bit of pressure" and I felt something like what it must feel to have a slightly sharpened steel beam shoved through your abdomen. Also, I felt and hear a series of pops as each layer was punctured. It was fairly horrifying. But at least that first layer of skin was numb!

But it's all over now and I'm home and when I got off the plane both kids plastered themselves to me for a good five minutes. I had missed tham so much and I was so happy to be home that I just cried right there in the middle of the airport. It's good to be home and sleeping in my own bed next to my own snoring, farting husband and being kicked in the head all night long by my own feisty, busy son and being woken up ever 30 minutes by my own shreiky, demanding daughter. No, seriously, I'm so happy to be home. I really missed my favorite throw up bowl.

LA again, naturally

I'll be heading back to LA today. If nothing else the change of scenery (even if it is only for a couple of days) might help to get me out of this funk I've been in. Amazingly, staying in bed 90% of the day isn't a real mood elevator. Maybe laying in a new bed for two days will help. We'll see.

Anyway I'll be back on Saturday. Hopefully by the time I get back I'll have some kind of estimate on how long this bed rest is supposed to last. Think "short" thoughts for me. I'm starting to really miss doing stuff with my kids. Today Elle came up to me with her arms up and said "I carry you?" and it just broke my heart. I couldn't even lift her up like she wanted me to. (And yes, she wanted me to carry her but she's pretty new to this whole sentance thing and she still gets mixed up sometimes.)

So. In conclusion. My kids are awesome and cute. Bedrest sucks the big one. The trip to LA should be short and sweet and uncomplicated. I'll catch you all on the flip side.

Nothing to report

Nothing much going on here. I had another visit to the ER last night because I was concerned about how much I was bleeding. They pretty much told me to go home and go back to bed. Other than that I've pretty much just been staying in bed.

I most likely will not be going to LA later this week because the IFs and I are really nervous about me flying. I can't even walk across the hall without bleeding, we don't feel real comfortable with me going all the way to LA. I should find out for sure later today though.

So. Yeah. Good times all around.

Bedrest - Day 1

Oh my god. I hate bedrest so much. It's only the first day and I hate it. I hate it. Oh well, I have to buck and and deal with it. But I hate it. Thank goodness I have my bacon salt to keep me company!

Joseph's surgery went really well today. He was so brave going into the room. A really nice nurse had him giggling like a maniac by the time we actually got into the operating room. He did awesome breathing in the gas that put him out. That was the part he had been the most worried about so I was so proud of him for handling it so well. When he was wheeled back into the recovery room after surgery he was already half way awake and asking to go home and play video games. The nurse told him he had to have a whole cup of apple juice and a whole piece of toast before he could go home but Joseph, being Joseph managed to wheel and deal and bargined it down to three sips of juice and one bite of toast.

The best news is that the surgeon thought the lump he took out from Joseph's arm just looked like a harmless cyst. We'll find out for sure on Monday but it most likely looks like we won't have anything to worry about.

Yesterday I told Joseph he better watch out if I get pregnant again. Every time I get pregnant I go and have something removed from him. When I was pregnant with Elle I took him in to have a mole removed. Now I've had a lump taken out of his arm. He better start growing some more disposable body parts just in case I get pregnant again. Although we'll see how I feel after 2 weeks of bedrest. I'll probably never want to do this again.

Oh, before I forget. I hope that all my Minnesota buddies and their families are all safe after what happened yesterday. What a scary, scary thing to have happen.

Like I was gonna jump anyway

Things right now are ...... not terrific. They're not horrible or tragic but they could definitely be better. It turns out that the reason I'm having bleeding is that the baby's placenta has come partially detached from my uterine wall. If it gets worse there is a real danger of losing the baby. However, I am not going to let it get worse. I've been placed on modified bedrest for the next 2 weeks at least. That means I can get up and move around for an hour or so at a time but then I have to lay down afterwards for at least 2 hours. Even when I'm up and about I have to really limit what I do. That means no sex, to heavy lifting, no exercise, no repetitive up and down movements, no jumping, no coughing, no hard laughing, no nothing. Damn, and I really love jumping.

(I had to stop and take a quick throw up break here. That's probably on my list of banned activities too.)

So I certainly don't want to sound dire here. The good news is that we know what's going on and we know what to do and try to fix it. I'm just going to take it super easy and we'll see what the next two weeks bring. I'm doing ok. A little stressed out but otherwise all right. I'll just take it one day at a time and it will be ok.

Tomorow Joseph has his surgery. It's minor and I know it will be ok but if you have some spare good vibes with you I sure would appreciate you sending them my little guy's way. Poor little bugaboo.

I'm beat

I was at the emergency room until 2:30 AM last night and now I am just beat. I went shopping with my mom last night and right before we went back home I went to the bathroom and discovered that I was bleeding. Only this time, instead of the brown blood I had been seeing there was bright red blood. Eek! I went home and called the stupid fracken nurse line and they told me to go to the ER right away.

My mom came back to the house and took me to the ER (and then stayed for a long time because she is wonderful and lovely and I don't mention that often enough) and they brought me into a room right away.

One ultrasound, one bloodtest, one urine test (urine collected via cathater, ugh) one internal exam, two bags of IV fluids, two pain killers, two containters of cranberry juice and several hours later they gave me my diagnosis. The doctor says I have a subhemochromialsomethingorother hemmorage on my uterine lining. It's not as bad as it sounds. There's just a small spot on my uterine lining that's bleeding. The good news is that this is something fairly common and that in my case the spot is very small. I have to stay off my feet today and follow up with a regular OBGYN (getting an appointment has proved to be a real pain in the ass so far) to see what the have to say. Hopefully this bleed is so small that just a day or two off my feet will allow it to heal.

I was really scared when I saw that bright red blood but I'm feeling a lot better now. It helps just knowing what's going on. And all things considered this is a really minor bump in the road. I tried to get ahold of the guys last night but they didn't answer their phones and I didn't want to leave them cryptic, scary sounding messages. I'll call them again today now that I know more.

Funniest thing about the whole ER visit was that I ended up talking for a long time to one of the nurses. She told me she had always wanted to do a surrogacy but that she had never known where to get started. I told her all about my agency and about how the transfer itself works and about a bunch of other stuff. She asked me for my agencys name and phone number and then for my name and number too. I was thrilled to give it to her. I hope she calls my agency. They just stated a referal program and I could get $500 if she ends up working with them! Even if she doesn't though, it was still really neat to talk to someone who was so interested in the whole process.

Anyway, I'm going to go now and continue to try to make a flippin' appointment with an OBGYN. Then I'm going back to bed to rest and relax and take it very easy.