Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Warning: Disturbing Penis Dream Ahead

For me being pregnant means a lot of things. It means morning sickness and mood swings and bizarre cravings. It also means strange and vivid dreams nearly every night. Most of the times I enjoy the dreams because they're usually good dreams and they're so realistic that they're kind of fun. It's fun to wake up from a dream that felt so real that you're almost not sure if it really happened or not. The dream I had last night though was so strange and disturbing that I just can't seem to get it out of my head. I've been thinking about it all day long so I just had to share it.

As a side note I would like to point out that I hate hearing about other people's dreams. I just don't think it's that entertaining to hear a 20 minute story about something that only happened in your mind. So I won't be offended if no one reads this. I just want everyone to know that if they do chose to skip this entry they'll be missing out on a description of a living, detachable penis. Oh, and I would also like to apologize in advance to Jesse for telling this story.

Ok. Here goes. In my dream I find myself standing over Jesse who's alseep in bed. Since he's laying there naked and all I decide I'll just, um .... remove his penis. I pull on it and it just pops off, sort of like Barbie's legs do when you pull on them too hard. I walk around with the penis in my hand and I use it for various things like killing a spider and dusting the tv. (That's how you know it's a dream, I never dust.)

At some point I decide to go outside, still holding the penis of course. I'm sitting on the front steps when all of the sudden a bunch of kids go running by yelling for me to look out for the bear. I look over my shoulder and realize that there's a huge brown bear running towards me. I run towards the house and decide to throw the penis at the bear to distract it. I watch from the porch as the bear walks over to sniff the penis. To my suprise the penis comes to life, moving and hissing like a snake. (I won't describe this further because even thinking about it horrifies me now.)

I run inside to find Jesse awake and looking out the window and smiling as the bear rips apart his snakepenis. "Oh Jesse!" I cry "I'm so sorry! Now we won't be able to have any more children! I'm sorry I didn't think about that before I threw it!"

Jesse just smiled and said it was no big deal. The last thing I remember before I woke up was that I felt so relieved that Jesse wasn't mad that I let a bear eat his living, detachable penis.

So. Uh. That's it then.

6 comments:

Sophie Treadmill said...

You have heard this song, haven't you?

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byDiILrNbM4

CDPJ said...

Oh my god. That is one of the oddest dreams I've ever heard. I'm sure some psychologist/dream analyzer would have a field day with it!!!

Sophie Treadmill said...

Wait, I don't know if that link works or not. Just youtube the group "King Missile" if not.

Judy said...

Good Lord, child, what combination of food did you eat before you went to bed?? Just a btw.....I had weird dreams last night,too..I think it was the weather and atmospheric pressure......... Judy

nell said...

Wow. I love this, but how could I not when you compare removing the dream detachable penis to ripping off Barbie's leg?

shyestviolet said...

can I explain to you how thrilled I am that other people have cracked out dreams, too? except that I'm not pregnant. so I'm not sure what that's all about. hmm.