Thursday, August 23, 2007

Is being annoyed good for the baby?

I've discovered an aspect of surrogacy that I'm less than thrilled with. Having an IF who is a massive worrier is turning out to be more than a little annoying.

J worries about everything. He's so worried about me inhaling paint fumes when we work on our house that he has offered (insisted really) to pay someone to do it for us and to put us up in a hotel while it's being done. Ok, we'll probably take him up on that but please, give me a little credit. I wasn't planning on spending house painting time with my face hovering three inches over an open can of lead based paint.

He's worried about what kind of foods I eat. Again, this could be a valid concern but again, give me a little credit. I'm a halfway smart person, I know how to avoid foods that are not safe for the baby. J's worried about foods that contain bacteria, foods that might contain mercury and (among other things) foods that might be too spicy. (Why? I don't know.) I swear that he's thisclose to hiring a personal chef to come over make sure that I only eat safe, bland foods.

He's worried about my doctor. Every time he talks to me he asks if I like my doctor, if I think he's a good doctor, if I think the doctor knows enough about IVF pregnancies to be my doctor, if I know what medical school the doctor went to, if I can spell the doctors name so that he can do a background check on him.

He's worried about medication. This is the big one. When I had the CVS done the doctor who did it gave me a prescription for antibiotics just in case of infection from the needle being inserted into my abdomen. J didn't want me to take them until I ran them by my regular OBGYN. I don't know why that matters though since he doesn't trust my OB's judgment on medication either. My OB prescribed something to me for morning sickness and I made the mistake of mentioning this to J. J called me back not 15 minutes later wanting to know the name of the medication I was on. When I told him he told me he had been doing some research and that he was worried that the medication was not safe for the baby. Aurgh! I told him as nicely and as gently as I could that while I was pregnant with Elle I lost a lot of weight and was sometimes so dehydrated that I had to have IV fluids administered. The doctor and I both felt that the morning sickness meds were a better alternative this time around. And according to the research I did the meds are considered perfectly safe for the baby. J's still not so sure. Cripes, he doesn't even want me taking Tylenol for a headache without running it by a doctor first.

Augh! Look, if you tell me that the reason you selected me to carry your child was because you trust me enough to do a good job at it, then trust me! Trust me enough to do everything I can to keep this baby safe, short of living in a plastic bubble. Trust me enough to know that I won't spend my days inhaling spray paint, eating potato salad that's been out in the sun for 8 hours and taking hallucinogenics. Just fricken trust me.

I know this all makes me sound like a huge bitch because how can I be annoyed that J just wants to look out for his baby and what kind of a cold hearted person am I anyway? Lay off ok? I'm pregnant and hormonal and not sleeping all that well. You would be annoyed too if you were in my position. And if anyone leaves a comment on this post taking any side but mine I'm deleting it because it will only annoy me more.


Anonymous said...

I am so interested in this entire story now.

So nice to meet you and this whole blog is wonderful...I guess that means I think your life is wonderful...

Don't mind if I go sneaking through your archives do you???

nell said...

Wow. Good luck with that, I'd be going nuts and trying not to tell him as much as possible - even if I wasn't doing anything wrong! Maybe you can talk to him and find some kind of middle ground, like no lead paint, but the occasional soft cheese...

StickyKeys Says: said...

Don't fret my dear, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. It could be the Virgin Mary and J would be all "Do you think that straw is comfortable enough? And I don't like that your husband is a carpenter, there's too much sawdust in the air, also, I'm not sure if I believe in God, can we get a blood test, will there be any preexistic genetic issues to worry about?"

Just imagine if it were someone carrying your chance to have a child, you know? It's definitely okay to rant, but only on here, nod and smile and know that when this is done they'll be eternally grateful for the gift you've given them.

ps. I tagged you on my blog, and gave you the new title Mistress of Wang.