Monday, August 09, 2010

This is why I will never go to Blogher

I've spend the last few days in a funk because BLOGHER!  I want to go to there!  For the past week I've been reading everyone's pre-Blogher posts and their mid-Blogher posts and seeing their pictures on facebook and Flickr and blah blah blah why does everyone else get to have all the good times?!?

It all came to a head Saturday night.  I was sitting on my porch watching the most amazing lightning storm. Well, I was sort of watching.  Mostly I was pouting.  I was thinking that if I had gone to Blogher then I could have stayed in New York for an extra day and spent all day Sunday snuggling the babes and enjoying the city that I fell in love with when we vacationed there.

I had a hard time falling asleep that night because I was in such a bad mood.  That and the giant wind and hail storm raging outside.

My mood had not improved by Sunday morning.  In fact, it was much worse.  The storm did some some serious damage to our garden and our vegetables took a big hit.  Jesse and I brought in about 30 pounds of green tomatoes that looked like they had been shot.  I had to fight back tears as we picked them.  We put so much work into that garden and it was all just shot to hell by a hail storm.

I spent all of Sunday washing, chopping, slicing, blending, simmering, spicing, boiling, freezing, drying and canning the damaged produce from the garden.  It was a huge job but it gave me time to think.  I decided that I was a little bit glad I wasn't in New York during the storm.  If I had been Jesse would not have know what to do with the damaged vegetables and everything would have been wasted.

That got me thinking.  Did I really want to go to Blogher in the first place?  I mean, really?  I am a giant dweeb and I can't talk to people I don't know.  The idea of being in a place with a huge group of people that I don't know and who don't know me sort of makes me want to vomit in terror.  I would have ended up spending the entire time in the bathroom.  And sure, you can meet some really cool people in bathrooms but do I really want to pay that much to go to a conference where I will then spend the entire time cowering in the bathroom?

And it wouldn't even be the cool bathroom!  It would be the bathroom where people who no one knows hang out.  Cool people can hide in the bathroom and somehow they make it look good.  I am not cool and if I did it people would just think I was a weirdo with a poop fetish.

Then there's the parties.  I know that's a big reason why some people go to Blogher.  I'm sure the parties are fun ... if you get invited to them.  I don't know if you know this about me but I am a nobody in the blogosphere.  A giant nobody.  If I went to Blogher I would not be invited to any parties. I probably would not even be able to get an invite to Poopher*.  I can stay home and not get invited places, there's no reason for me to take it to a national level.

If you had asked me a week ago I would have said "Yes!  I am 100% certain I am going to Blogher 2011!"  Then I found out it's going to be in San Diego**.  I lost about 99% of my interest right there.  On, nothing against San Diego ... it's just not New York.  New York has so much going for it.  Fun things to see and do, friends, babies!  San Diego has none of that.  Well, I guess they have fun things to see and do or we wouldn't be vacationing there in two months.  And I suppose they have babies there but they don't have babies who spent nine months tap dancing on my bladder.

I occurred to me that I might not have wanted to go to Blogher in the first place.  I think I just wanted to go to New York.  And if that's what I want to do, I can do that.  I don't need the stress and pressure of Blogher to make me go. I can just do it on my own!  (Confidential to New York friends who might be reading this - Don't worry, I'll call before I come.)

The only bad thing about not attending Blogher is that I'll miss out on meeting some really awesome people.  Or will I?  Yes.  I will.  But there's no reason I can't meet some of them!  If I don't need Blogher to get me to New York then I don't need it to bring me together with friends.  I would rather scrimp and save and pinch my pennies to take a trip to spend a few days with an internet friend than I would to spend a few days catching occasional glimpses of internet friends as they went off to cool events and swinging parties.  If I want to meet people I can just go directly to the people!  (Confidential to internet friends who might be reading this - Don't worry, I won't call before I come.  You'll know I'm there because of the tapping on your bedroom window at 2 AM.)

None of this is a slam on Blogher or the people who attend it.  I'm sure it's a ton of fun for the people who went and I look forward to reading what people have to say about it.  I just don't think it's the place for me.  I'm too shy, too nerdy, too unknown to get as much out of it as other people do.  And you know what?  I think I'm ok with that.

*Poopher is 100% made up.  For now. I'm just waiting for someone to take the concept of hiding in a bathroom and turning it into a party.  I see it happening within the next two years.
** Blogher is continuing it's tradition of being held in places I've just vacationed in.  Buy your tickets for Blogher 2012 - Rapid City, South Dakota right now!

Four years ago today I got a myspace page.
Five years ago today I got spam.


Barbara said...

You crack me up... BTW, San Diego does have a lot of fun stuff to do, the zoo and wild animal park are pretty amazing :) In case you decide to go to BlogHer 2011...
Maybe if it ever comes to Minneapolis? :)

dancing_lemur said...

I have almost EXACTLY the same thoughts about blogher. I think I THINK I want to go, but ultimately it's too...much. Too expensive, too chaotic, too girly girl which I am distinctly not. I think I'll stick to Blissdom. You should come to that instead! I will totally hide out in the bathroom with you. Er. In a non creepy, "let's host our own party! In the bathroom!" kind of way.

Cathy said...

Yup. I agree. I think I realized this last year... but a few years ago I was so upset that I didn't go. And why would I have gone? To meet just a few bloggers. I don't blog for money - and I don't really care if my audience grows or not. I'm happy with the people I've "met" via my blogs and the blogs that I read, but really I write so that I can remember.

If you're ever itching to visit Chicago... don't tap on my window at 2am - wait 'til the kids wake up at 6, 'kay?

Stimey said...

Hey, sweet thing. If you ever do decide to go to BlogHer, I will attach myself to you at the hip and drag you out of the bathroom. Seriously. You'll be sick of me by the end of the weekend. I'll even make you dance.

Plus, you don't actually really see the city that BlogHer is held in so (a) it's okay that it's a boring city, and (b) you won't feel bad if you've just visited the city.

OR we can hold AwesomeGirlHer in DC and you can come visit me with or without kids and we'll have a blast. My room is on the second floor so instead of tapping, you'll have to throw a rock.

StickyKeys said...

1) If you and I went to BlogHer together we could unite our powers of awkward social shyness AND RUN THAT HO!

2) Also, I see you have a friend in DC, if you're ever out this way let me know and I'll show you around!

I am pretty shy but once I get talking I'm pretty okay so I love conventions and crap, but they're always better with someone to lean on. Really though,i have no idea what Blogher is.

Penelope said...

I think this pretty much summed up my thinking about going this year.

I wish it were right next door, so there would be no effort on my part at all.

Ado said...

I just read this - loved it. Loved that you are honest enough to ask yourself do you really even want to go, and to acknowledge that you're a giant dweeb who is, like me, shit-scared of all the potential high school crap. I'm telling you - out of all the posts about Blogher this was my fave (and ps: I'm not even going and am still worried for all the dweebish peeps out there who are hiding in the bathrooms!)
PS: Sorry to hear about your tomatoes but man it sure sounds like you knew what to do with them!

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