This is why I will never go to Blogher

I've spend the last few days in a funk because BLOGHER!  I want to go to there!  For the past week I've been reading everyone's pre-Blogher posts and their mid-Blogher posts and seeing their pictures on facebook and Flickr and blah blah blah why does everyone else get to have all the good times?!?

It all came to a head Saturday night.  I was sitting on my porch watching the most amazing lightning storm. Well, I was sort of watching.  Mostly I was pouting.  I was thinking that if I had gone to Blogher then I could have stayed in New York for an extra day and spent all day Sunday snuggling the babes and enjoying the city that I fell in love with when we vacationed there.

I had a hard time falling asleep that night because I was in such a bad mood.  That and the giant wind and hail storm raging outside.

My mood had not improved by Sunday morning.  In fact, it was much worse.  The storm did some some serious damage to our garden and our vegetables took a big hit.  Jesse and I brought in about 30 pounds of green tomatoes that looked like they had been shot.  I had to fight back tears as we picked them.  We put so much work into that garden and it was all just shot to hell by a hail storm.

I spent all of Sunday washing, chopping, slicing, blending, simmering, spicing, boiling, freezing, drying and canning the damaged produce from the garden.  It was a huge job but it gave me time to think.  I decided that I was a little bit glad I wasn't in New York during the storm.  If I had been Jesse would not have know what to do with the damaged vegetables and everything would have been wasted.

That got me thinking.  Did I really want to go to Blogher in the first place?  I mean, really?  I am a giant dweeb and I can't talk to people I don't know.  The idea of being in a place with a huge group of people that I don't know and who don't know me sort of makes me want to vomit in terror.  I would have ended up spending the entire time in the bathroom.  And sure, you can meet some really cool people in bathrooms but do I really want to pay that much to go to a conference where I will then spend the entire time cowering in the bathroom?

And it wouldn't even be the cool bathroom!  It would be the bathroom where people who no one knows hang out.  Cool people can hide in the bathroom and somehow they make it look good.  I am not cool and if I did it people would just think I was a weirdo with a poop fetish.

Then there's the parties.  I know that's a big reason why some people go to Blogher.  I'm sure the parties are fun ... if you get invited to them.  I don't know if you know this about me but I am a nobody in the blogosphere.  A giant nobody.  If I went to Blogher I would not be invited to any parties. I probably would not even be able to get an invite to Poopher*.  I can stay home and not get invited places, there's no reason for me to take it to a national level.

If you had asked me a week ago I would have said "Yes!  I am 100% certain I am going to Blogher 2011!"  Then I found out it's going to be in San Diego**.  I lost about 99% of my interest right there.  On, nothing against San Diego ... it's just not New York.  New York has so much going for it.  Fun things to see and do, friends, babies!  San Diego has none of that.  Well, I guess they have fun things to see and do or we wouldn't be vacationing there in two months.  And I suppose they have babies there but they don't have babies who spent nine months tap dancing on my bladder.

I occurred to me that I might not have wanted to go to Blogher in the first place.  I think I just wanted to go to New York.  And if that's what I want to do, I can do that.  I don't need the stress and pressure of Blogher to make me go. I can just do it on my own!  (Confidential to New York friends who might be reading this - Don't worry, I'll call before I come.)

The only bad thing about not attending Blogher is that I'll miss out on meeting some really awesome people.  Or will I?  Yes.  I will.  But there's no reason I can't meet some of them!  If I don't need Blogher to get me to New York then I don't need it to bring me together with friends.  I would rather scrimp and save and pinch my pennies to take a trip to spend a few days with an internet friend than I would to spend a few days catching occasional glimpses of internet friends as they went off to cool events and swinging parties.  If I want to meet people I can just go directly to the people!  (Confidential to internet friends who might be reading this - Don't worry, I won't call before I come.  You'll know I'm there because of the tapping on your bedroom window at 2 AM.)

None of this is a slam on Blogher or the people who attend it.  I'm sure it's a ton of fun for the people who went and I look forward to reading what people have to say about it.  I just don't think it's the place for me.  I'm too shy, too nerdy, too unknown to get as much out of it as other people do.  And you know what?  I think I'm ok with that.

*Poopher is 100% made up.  For now. I'm just waiting for someone to take the concept of hiding in a bathroom and turning it into a party.  I see it happening within the next two years.
** Blogher is continuing it's tradition of being held in places I've just vacationed in.  Buy your tickets for Blogher 2012 - Rapid City, South Dakota right now!

Four years ago today I got a myspace page.
Five years ago today I got spam.