Friday, January 06, 2012

And then there were two

One of the benefits of my best friend working at the clinic where I get my prenatal care is that she gets to do some of my prenatal care.  Another benefit is that if if I text her to tell her that I'm about to get an ultrasound she might text back to tell me her patient for that time slot didn't show up and do I want some company?  And I can tell her that I do and then she can come to my ultrasound with me.

So that's how we came to find ourselves (plus Elle) in a little dark room staring at an ultrasound screen together and waiting for the tech to tell me what we were looking at.

Baby A looked great.  Measuring right on track with a good heartbeat.  Baby C looked great too.  Everything was it was supposed to be.

I knew as soon as he skipped measuring baby B that there was something going on.  I looked closer and I couldn't see a heartbeat but I thought maybe it was just the angle and that perhaps I wasn't seeing it.  As the tech finished up with Baby C my friend whispered "Jen, there's no heartbeat there."  The tech nodded.

I don't remember exactly what my reaction was but I burst into tears and started shaking.  I'm going to be honest here and say something that might surprise you.  I was crying from relief.  I wasn't sad or upset, just relieved.

There are a lot of risks associated with carrying triplets and my IPs were facing some hard decisions.  We were facing a long, scary pregnancy and it was not something that I was completely overjoyed with.

Now I feel like everything has fallen into place.  I can DO twins.  I know I can carry twins for a long time and deliver them as big, healthy babies.  When I saw that ultrasound I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.  I slept better last night than I have since the first ultrasound.

That's why I was so glad to have my best friend there. Not everyone will understand why I was ok with seeing that empty dark spot on the ultrasound but she gets it.  I think most other people will understand too sooner or later but not everyone could stood there in that dark room, hugged a pantsless, lubed up me and said "I love you. I'm so glad it worked out this way."

Now I get to focus on growing a perfect set of twins for some very excited parents.  As I said on facebook, this is probably the last time time I'm going to be pregnant (unless a certain set of dads ask me to have more babies for them (hint, HINT)) and I want to enjoy every moment of it.  And right now I'm going to enjoy eating homemade mac and cheese for three.


Lala said...

I totally get it.

Shannon said...

That seems like a natural way to be feeling. Hope you continue to feel healthy and good and those two babies will be strong and healthy too!

Lindsay said...

I get it too. Stay healthy, you have a great baby making bod!

kate said...

I get it too. What happens, though, with the third fetus? Since it's relatively early, does it get absorbed into the placenta?

Wishing you all the best for a healthy pregnancy.

Barbara said...

*hug* I think most when they really think about can understand...

Andrea said...

I love, love, LOVE you. <3

Stimey said...

I understand this too. You are going to rock this twin pregnancy. I'm glad you had your friend with you and I'm so glad that you have a weight that has lifted.

JM said...

I am so sorry the third baby didn't make it. I am, however, relieved for you, the IPs, and the babies still there. Best wishes and good luck!

Swistle said...

I had a rush of these feelings:

1. Oh, how sad! The poor little baby!

2. Oh, I hope Problem Girl / the parents are not too upset/sad/disappointed!

3. Oh, WHEW, I'm glad it's a relief to everyone, rather than a heartbreak.

4. Twins are so much safer than triplets, for everyone.

Anonymous said...

Jen, I totally understand, we know you can do twins and the most important part is that the babies are healthy! There may have been something physically wrong with Baby B and that's why it didn't make it. There maybe a little sadness, and tremendous relief, the results should be good!! Hang in there, we love you!!!
Your MIL- Judy