And then there were two
One of the benefits of my best friend working at the clinic where I get my prenatal care is that she gets to do some of my prenatal care. Another benefit is that if if I text her to tell her that I'm about to get an ultrasound she might text back to tell me her patient for that time slot didn't show up and do I want some company? And I can tell her that I do and then she can come to my ultrasound with me.
So that's how we came to find ourselves (plus Elle) in a little dark room staring at an ultrasound screen together and waiting for the tech to tell me what we were looking at.
Baby A looked great. Measuring right on track with a good heartbeat. Baby C looked great too. Everything was it was supposed to be.
I knew as soon as he skipped measuring baby B that there was something going on. I looked closer and I couldn't see a heartbeat but I thought maybe it was just the angle and that perhaps I wasn't seeing it. As the tech finished up with Baby C my friend whispered "Jen, there's no heartbeat there." The tech nodded.
I don't remember exactly what my reaction was but I burst into tears and started shaking. I'm going to be honest here and say something that might surprise you. I was crying from relief. I wasn't sad or upset, just relieved.
There are a lot of risks associated with carrying triplets and my IPs were facing some hard decisions. We were facing a long, scary pregnancy and it was not something that I was completely overjoyed with.
Now I feel like everything has fallen into place. I can DO twins. I know I can carry twins for a long time and deliver them as big, healthy babies. When I saw that ultrasound I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I slept better last night than I have since the first ultrasound.
That's why I was so glad to have my best friend there. Not everyone will understand why I was ok with seeing that empty dark spot on the ultrasound but she gets it. I think most other people will understand too sooner or later but not everyone could stood there in that dark room, hugged a pantsless, lubed up me and said "I love you. I'm so glad it worked out this way."
Now I get to focus on growing a perfect set of twins for some very excited parents. As I said on facebook, this is probably the last time time I'm going to be pregnant (unless a certain set of dads ask me to have more babies for them (hint, HINT)) and I want to enjoy every moment of it. And right now I'm going to enjoy eating homemade mac and cheese for three.
10 comments:
I totally get it.
That seems like a natural way to be feeling. Hope you continue to feel healthy and good and those two babies will be strong and healthy too!
I get it too. Stay healthy, you have a great baby making bod!
I get it too. What happens, though, with the third fetus? Since it's relatively early, does it get absorbed into the placenta?
Wishing you all the best for a healthy pregnancy.
*hug* I think most when they really think about can understand...
I love, love, LOVE you. <3
I understand this too. You are going to rock this twin pregnancy. I'm glad you had your friend with you and I'm so glad that you have a weight that has lifted.
I am so sorry the third baby didn't make it. I am, however, relieved for you, the IPs, and the babies still there. Best wishes and good luck!
I had a rush of these feelings:
1. Oh, how sad! The poor little baby!
2. Oh, I hope Problem Girl / the parents are not too upset/sad/disappointed!
3. Oh, WHEW, I'm glad it's a relief to everyone, rather than a heartbreak.
4. Twins are so much safer than triplets, for everyone.
Jen, I totally understand, we know you can do twins and the most important part is that the babies are healthy! There may have been something physically wrong with Baby B and that's why it didn't make it. There maybe a little sadness, and tremendous relief, the results should be good!! Hang in there, we love you!!!
Your MIL- Judy
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