Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Nobody said it would be easy but no one that it would be so hard

If there is one thing I have learned as I have gone through three surrogacy journeys it's that nothing is simple.  You never move forward in a straight line.  It's one step forward and two steps back.

This pregnancy started out with a one in a million shot of triplets.  That was scary but there was relief at the next ultrasound when we found out only two babies still had heartbeats.

Today I had another ultrasound and we discovered that only one of the babies still has has a heartbeat.  The other one looks like it stopped growing a week ago.  Pretty much right after my last ultrasound.

The good news: I saw the heartbeat and saw the little baby wiggling around.  It's measuring right at nine and a half weeks like it should.  The bad news: The gestational sac is only measuring about seven weeks.  Of course it's too early to tell what's going to happen and if there's something wrong.  If there is nothing can be done so we just have to sit back and watch and wait.

I don't have a good feeling about this.  I'm scared that this last little one will not hang in there.  My heart is broken for my IPs.  I never wanted to carry a litter of babies, one is enough.  If I can just hang on to this one little baby I can be happy. 

So for now I wait and I rest and think good thoughts and I look forward to/fear what the next ultrasound brings.  Please think good thoughts too.  Not for me but for my IPs who have so many hopes pinned on this last little heartbeat.


Shannon said...

Oh I'm so sorry. Sending positive thoughts your way and to the IPs too. This must be such a roller coaster for all of you. I can't imagine. Hang on, little one!

Stimey said...

You know you have those good wishes of mine. I hope that last little guy is a fighter. Sending love.

Shannon (Used to be Charming Bitch) said...

Awwww, Jen. I'm sorry. Best thoughts for all, wow. xoxo

Swistle said...

I'm hoping so hard for that last baby.

Anonymous said...

Jen, I am praying for that little one, you and the IP's. I am surrounding that little baby with so much love, telling him/her that so much is waiting for him/her and how much he/she is wanted. I wish I could do more. Take care of yourself and keep positive thoughts. Love to all of you, your MIL, Judy