Monday, February 13, 2006

Letters to......

An open letter to fans of Raven Symone;
You are spelling her name wrong. I spelled it wrong when I bitched about how she was helping to ruin Disney and now you're finding my blog by spelling it wrong when you search for her. If you're one of the 5 people or so a day who comes to my blog via a search for Raven Symone then let me answer any questions you may have. No, I do not know if "Raven Symone is coming to Canada". I don't have any "Raven Symone baby pictures". If you're one of the people who came here looking for "naked Raven Symone pictures" then you are a pervert and you need to have your head examined.
Thank you

G'day mate! Is that how you say it? I should come to visit you, I already speak the language. Aussie Aussie Aussie, oy oy oy! I bet you never get tired of that!

Fear of pooping while giving birth, bringing cool people together since the beginning of time!
Rock on my friend

Tom Cruise,
Shut it dude. No one cares about your stupid theories on depression and doctors or anything else. If post-partum depression could be cured by vitamins don't you think a real doctor would have figured that out by now? And it's gross the way you tell the press that you've "tucked away" you child bride so that no one can "get at her" before she gives birth. In a darkened room. With no pain medicine. Without being allowed to make a sound. Nice life asshole. You're as bad as Sean Penn but at least he can act.

Rusty Yates,
There is no punishment harsh enough for what your wife did but if I had my way you would be right there with her in jail. At least she had the excuse of being mentally ill, what's your excuse? Here's a tip: If your wife has a complete and total mental breakdown, the thing to do is get her some help, not take her for a walk on the beach. (You could have at least had Tom Cruise over to give her some vitamins!) If your wife is recovering from severe psychosis caused by PPD it is not a good idea to decide to have a 5th child. Just for future referrance.

To the general public,
If you value your health then don't come near me. I have pink eye for the second time in 2 weeks. I've had this same cold for about 3 weeks. This morning I coughed up something that looked like a piece of lung. I'm a walking health hazzard and the 100 times a day that I wash my hands does not seem to be helping. I'm a modern day Typhoid Mary only less deadly and I wear jeans.


Ben said...

Damn, you're a much more motivated blogger than me these days. I'm still hoping to get back to doing Simpsons ratings!

Anonymous said...

So, everything going OK then?