Friday, April 24, 2009

Put on a shirt you whippersnapper!

My new home in this small town is turning me into a farmer but it's also turning me into an old lady.

You see, the town where I live is also home to a woman's college. That doesn't mean much during the cooler months (September-April) but now that the temperatures have soared into the high 60s I'm noticing a strange phenomenon.

There are half naked women everywhere!

I have never seen anything like it. I drive to pick Joseph up from school and I have to stop several times to let large herds of 19 year olds roller blade across the road. And they're wearing a total of a square foot of fabric. And it happens every time I go out. Every time. It's impossible to avoid them.

Look, for the most part I don't give a flying flip about what people wear or do not wear. As long as you're comfortable then you're cool with me. Something about these large groups of barely clothed barely legals is really bothering me though.

It's all I can do to not stop them and say "Excuse me? Why do you buy your shorts in the toddler section?" or "I never knew you could make a shirt out of dental floss and two cotton balls before!" or "Does your mother know you leave the house dressed like that?!?" or (because it's a Catholic college) "Every time you roller blade in a bikini, the pope cries."

Look, I don't bear these girls any ill will. Hell, if I had a body that looked good in toddler shorts and dental floss shirts I would probably dress that way too sometimes. It's just that every time I leave the house, everywhere I look, there they are. It would be nice to be able to walk outside my house without a t&a show roller-blading right at my face. There is no escaping from their tautness.

I think I am figuring out why Jesse pushed so hard for us to move to this town. And here I was thinking it was for the fresh air.

Two years ago today I was pissed off at another parent of a child with special needs.


Tori said...

Try living near a very expensive private school in Texas. We've already reached 102 one day and it's only April! I'm the same age as most of them and it doesn't do anything good for the self esteem let me tell you. :P I just have to remind myself that they come from big money and are mostly altered to look that way.

Word Shaper said...

"Every time you roller blade in a bikini, the pope cries."

This was the best thing I've read all month!!! Everytime I see a rollerblader or the pope, I will laugh and think of you.

Happy Belated btw.

Ferdinand the Duck said...

I work at a college, so I just walked past someone in knee-high boots and daisy dukes, but much, much worse than that, I work across the street from a Catholic high school. I've seen more teen girl undies in the past 6 months than I saw in my entire high school career.

Not that I've ever been into teen girl und...whatever you get the point. There used to be rules about kilt length, and there are clearly no longer rules about kilt length.

Mandy said...

LMFAO.... I'm going to think of you and smile all day!

Emily said...

Let's talk about the fact that this is the best blog title ever.