Raising atheists

Yesterday Elle told me that the little girls next door told her how the earth was made.  "There's a man who lives in the sky who made the earth and the water and even the animals.  I think his name is Odd."

I always struggle with moments like this.  The fact is I think I want to raise open minded kids but how open minded do I really want them to be?  If one of the kids came to me and said "Johnny said thunder is caused by a man in the sky with a big hammer" I wouldn't hesitate to correct them. I would want them to know the facts and to believe the facts and not a made up story.  I would have no problem saying "That's not true."

Joseph is kind of fascinated with the concept of religion and until fairly recently when we've talked about it I've always tried to be somewhat vague about what I believe.  I've used general terms like "some people think this" and "some people believe that".  Lately though Joseph has wanted specific answers.  He'll present me with something a friend of his has said and he wants to know what I think about it.  It's made me examine how I talk to my kids about religion and matters of faith.

For example, after the little girls next door told Joseph he would go to Hell if he didn't believe in God he wondered what I thought.  I didn't think that would be a good time to say "Gee son, some people believe that's true and gosh darn it, maybe they're right.  Who really knows?" so I told him straight out what I think.  I told him I don't believe that.  I told him that I don't believe in Hell and I don't believe in God and I don't believe anyone who lives a good life and tries to be kind to people will ever be punished after they die.  Once I came right out and said it he was really relieved.  "Good" he said "because I don't believe in all that stuff either."

Joseph deals in logic and concrete ideas.  He needed to know what I thought and once I told him he felt more comfortable exploring what he did and did not believe.  And the more we've discussed it the more it's caused me to examine how I express my beliefs to my children and to the people around me in general.

I have some weird issues about admitting I am an atheist.  I feel ... guilty about it.  No, that's not right.  But I don't know how else to describe it.  It's in my nature to try to look at everyone else's point of view.  I always try to think of how the other guy might see things.  I don't want to be so single minded that I start to think only my opinion is right and only my way of thinking is right and only my way of doing things is right.  Yes, of course I have my own opinions and ways of doing things but I try to be open minded and accepting.

There is a tiny part of me that feels like if I am honest with people about being an atheist it's like saying "You're ideas about religion are wrong and everything you believe in is wrong."  So when I discuss religion with my children my first instinct is to temper what I say.  "Some people believe..."  "Some people think..." I hesitate to say that oh, by the way, I think those things are false.

It occurred to me to me though today that the people next door have no problem telling their children "God created the world and and if you don't believe it you're going to Hell."  So why do I have a hard time telling my kids "There is a logic and a reason behind how the world came to be and science can explain how we got here and there is no man in the sky looking down on us and waiting to punish us for breaking the rules."?

After all, I have no problem trying to instill other beliefs in my children.  I want them to believe that it is important to be kind to others.  I want them to believe that it's not ok to hit or to be hit.  I want them to believe that vegetables are delicious but that chocolate is ok once in while too.  I want them to believe that you should stand up for what you believe in.  I want them to believe that reading is fun is and education is important and that you should never stop learning.  I want them to believe that two plus two equals four.  I want them to be thoughtful and logical.

So when Elle told me that a man named Odd created the world I shut off that little part of me that felt guilty for admitting what I believe.  I looked her right in the eye and I told her "I don't believe that's true sweetie.  I think it's ok that they think it's true but that just doesn't make sense to me."  I used her interest in dinosaurs and fossils to help explain how scientists were able to prove that the earth had been around a long time.  She's a very smart little girl and she even threw in some of her own ideas.  "And we know some dinosaurs evolved from other dinosaurs and that's how animals evolved too?"

I realize that at this point I'm still the most influential person in my children's lives.  I struggle with that responsibility at times.  But I have to face up to it.  I want my children to be logical, open minded, free-thinkers.  I have to set the ground work for that.  We live in an area that is fairly religious and conservative.  If I don't take the responsibility to let them know it's ok to question things and to think differently from the people around you then who will?

Odd knows it's not going to be the neighbors.

Two years ago today I was random.
Four years ago today Elle was beautiful.
Six years ago today I had eye jelly issues.