Saturday, July 16, 2011

A totally random story

When we went to California last year we spent a day at the San Diego zoo.  It must have been the annual "Weird Guys Get In Free" day because every five minutes Jesse and I were having to look at each other with eyes that seemed to say "Oh my god, did you see what that guy just did?!?"

There was a family reading the bible as they walked from exhibit to exhibit. ("Look children!  These are the wild boars.  These are one of five animals mentioned by name in the bible.  Oh look!  I opened my bible to exactly the right page!  What a blessing!*  Let's read shall we?)  There was a guy who kept trying to introduce the animals to his daughter. (Koala!  Koala!  Look over here koala!  This is Ella!  Say hi to Ella!  Koala! Look over here at Ella!  Look koala!  Ella!")  There was the guy who tried to imitate animal noises and when he got the the kangaroos he yelled "HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP HOP" until a zoo keeper came out and told him to stop.

The weirdest though was a guy standing next to me looking at the lions.  There was a whole crowd gathered around because a lioness was right up against the glass and everyone was trying to look at her.  The guy next to me did this non-stop running monologue that went something like this: "WOW!  Look at that!  Would you just look at that beautiful bitch lion!  What a gorgeous bitch! I've never seen a bitch lion this close before!  How amazing!  The bitch lions never come this close to the glass!  It's so rare to see the bitch lions like this!  What a beautiful bitch she is!"

He said it enough that I started to question if maybe I was wrong in thinking a female lion was called a lioness so I pulled out my phone and googled "is a female lion called a bitch" and then the internet said "it's a lioness dumbass" and I felt stupid.  But not as stupid as the guy calling the lioness a "bitch lion".

Bitch, please. 

*I think it was less a blessing and more of the fact that the had a bookmark holding his place.

7 comments:

simply heidi said...

Please tell me the lion guy and the bible guy had a throw-down. That would be awesome...
Then the animal noise guy could be all: PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH!

dancing_lemur said...

Oh my God, I am cracking up. Also, I know EXACTLY about those days in places where it seems like everyone is a crazy person. And then I start questioning my presence there, as well.

Anonymous said...

The world is full of interesting and crazy people. They are here for the enjoyment of the sane, rational people. Just think how dull our lives would be if they weren't among us!

MIL... Judy

Schadenfreude Warehouse said...

You made me laugh out loud today. Here via Facebook. And by the way? Totally keep those mean kids away from the pool. They can FRY for all I care!

Sarah said...

Wow.

Audrey said...

I'm pretty sure this just made my day.

Stimey said...

People lose their minds at the zoo. I remember when Sam was, like, six months old, my mother's group went to the zoo and I was all, "Look, Sam, look at the giraffe," and "Look, Sam, that's a flamingo! A flamingo!" like an idiot because clearly the zoo was enriching his life when he was a tiny baby.