My county fair can kick your couty fair's ass

Sorry to break it to you but my county fair is better than your county fair. I know you don't believe me (because who wants to admit that they've got an inferior count fair?) but I've got proof.

When you enter my county fair you're greeted by this.I bet your county fair doesn't have a woven blanket of Jesus..... wearing a darling chiffon cocktail dress.

We've also got a poultry barn.Row after row of birds of all kinds.

We've got chickens that look like Tina Turner.You should see the legs on those things.

We've got chickens that look like other famous people too.Nobody here but us Phil Spectors.

We've got turkeys too. Actually, I don't know how big of a selling point that is.
When you get up close to them they're kind of gross.

And sometimes they get mad when you take pictures of them and they try to peck your camera. Then you have to scream and nearly drop your camera. It's the law.

At my county fair you can win a blue ribbon for having the best rat with wings. This one was named Bernice. She was not a winner. I don't know why. She looks perfectly nice to me. As nice as a disease ridden bird can look.

At the 4-H floral display you can find hot bug sex. That's even better than the dog sex that some fairs have.

Once you're tired of looking at exhibits it's time for some snacks. And this is where my county fair really comes out on top. We've got Tacos In A Bag, cheese curds, fry bread, Pronto Pups, Do It Yourself Snowcones, fry bread tacos, roast beef sundaes, giant turkey legs, cheese curd tacos in a bag, mini doughnuts and the greatest thing that modern man has ever created....The deep fried candy bar. For only $5 you can own your own little piece of heaven.

So there you have it, there is no beating my county fair. Clearly I have ..... wait a second. I just received an urgent update. This year the Minnesota State Fair has chocolate covered bacon! So if you'll excuse me there's a little something I have to take care of.

A day at the fair (complete with hot sex)

Yesterday my family and my friend Jen's family got together and drove out to the local county fair. It was a day filled with greasy food, people watching, animal poop and overpriced and rickety rides. Here are some highlights.

We couldn't resist stopping in the "Conservation" building. The sign is what drew us in.

Next we stopped for a little while to watch the Old People Trio do a rocking version of "In Heaven There Is No Beer". The crowd went wild. Well, this one little girl did. It was pretty cute.

After that we stopped in the horse barn to see the horses. Look! Janessa is "showen" Oreo. There were about a dozen of these carefully made, glittery, misspelled signs on various horse stalls. I was a little embarrassed for their maker but then I started to wonder if maybe "showen" is some sort of fair lingo that I just don't know about. Anyone know?

Next we went to look at some smaller animals. Look at these cute little baby chicks! I wonder what the ideal home for baby chicks is?

Why a popcorn popper of course! This conjured up all sorts of funny images in my head that I won't even go into because I don't want people to think I'm weird. The fact that I wanted to drizzle melted butter all over these little guys means nothing ok?

On to the deformed animal exhibit! We all enjoyed seeing the stuffed two headed calf and it's .... commemorative plaque? Actually I think we were all a little weirded out. Except Joseph who gleefully sang "Old McDonald had a farm e-i-e-i-o! And on that farm he had a two headed cow e-i-e-i-o! With a moo-moo moo-moo here and and moo-moo moo-moo there!"

Next half of our group went into the cow barn and half of us stayed out to watch the "Oh my god I'm never eating beef or drinking milk again" exhibit. This cow was getting her hooves filed down and not only did it look really uncomfortable there were also huge shards of hoof flying out into the crowd. I think one got in my eye.

Luckily my eyesight was not affected by the big sliver of cow foot in my eye so I was able to enjoy the art exhibit. Trent won second place with his portrait of Justin Timberlake. I was impressed

Finally we moved on to the carnival portion of the fair where we got to see some red hot doggie style sex. And no Mr Carnie, just because I'm taking a picture of them doesn't mean I want to try to win one of your obscene stuffed animals.

How do you know it's time to leave the fair? When you start to whine and pout when you're not allowed to play with the giant box of electricity.

All in all a good day. I just wish I had gotten a picture of the deep fried peanut butter and jelly sandwich I got. That thing was better than red hot doggie style sex.

I love the fair.