It's like blogging but more random

I don't have anything substantial enough to blog about so here are some random little snippets.

Elle has started saying "lasterday" instead of "yesterday". According to her everything happened lasterday. I hope she never stops saying it.

Jesse and I wnet out with friends on Saturday night. I put a dollar in the juke box and played "Shoop". I knew all the words so I sang along. It was awesome and shameful. But mostly awesome.

VH-1 has a lot of crappy programming but the worst show of them all might be Tool Academy. I hope that if instead of having a second season they have a new show for the women of Tool Academy and that they call it "Get Some Intensive Therapy So You Can Deal With Your Issues and Find Out What Would Cause You to Date Such an Asshole Academy". That said, I was glad Ashley and Tiny Tool won. I was rooting for them. And now I have to go stick my head in the microwave.

People who think using the U-turn on the Amazing Race is "shady" are stupid. It's part of the game and to not use take advantage of something that could help you win the game (or at least advance) isn't honorable. It's dumb.

I would kill for good sushi and/or Indian food.

I just sent my new IFs an email with a story about the problem with ice house robberies in Minnesota. I don't know why. I just like telling people random crap that they don't need to know about.

My surrogacy contracts are done and I could be getting a meds schedule as soon as Wednesday. We're cruising now!

Sometimes Jesse and I like to chat on Facebook when he's in the office and I'm in the living room with the laptop. The fact that we can hear each other typing as we "chat" amuses me to no end.

Today I found a little rock in my pocket and I have no idea how it got there.

Feeling Minnesota

Minnesota. Know it. Love it. Don't get it twisted. (To be fair, the first movie did get one thing right. It is fricken cold here. School was cancelled today because of the 40 below wind chill.)

My county fair can kick your couty fair's ass

Sorry to break it to you but my county fair is better than your county fair. I know you don't believe me (because who wants to admit that they've got an inferior count fair?) but I've got proof.

When you enter my county fair you're greeted by this.I bet your county fair doesn't have a woven blanket of Jesus..... wearing a darling chiffon cocktail dress.

We've also got a poultry barn.Row after row of birds of all kinds.

We've got chickens that look like Tina Turner.You should see the legs on those things.

We've got chickens that look like other famous people too.Nobody here but us Phil Spectors.

We've got turkeys too. Actually, I don't know how big of a selling point that is.
When you get up close to them they're kind of gross.

And sometimes they get mad when you take pictures of them and they try to peck your camera. Then you have to scream and nearly drop your camera. It's the law.

At my county fair you can win a blue ribbon for having the best rat with wings. This one was named Bernice. She was not a winner. I don't know why. She looks perfectly nice to me. As nice as a disease ridden bird can look.

At the 4-H floral display you can find hot bug sex. That's even better than the dog sex that some fairs have.

Once you're tired of looking at exhibits it's time for some snacks. And this is where my county fair really comes out on top. We've got Tacos In A Bag, cheese curds, fry bread, Pronto Pups, Do It Yourself Snowcones, fry bread tacos, roast beef sundaes, giant turkey legs, cheese curd tacos in a bag, mini doughnuts and the greatest thing that modern man has ever created....The deep fried candy bar. For only $5 you can own your own little piece of heaven.

So there you have it, there is no beating my county fair. Clearly I have ..... wait a second. I just received an urgent update. This year the Minnesota State Fair has chocolate covered bacon! So if you'll excuse me there's a little something I have to take care of.

Random musings 47

I saw Sex and the City the other night. I know that I swore I wouldn't see it but I did. Still love Charlotte and and Samantha. Still kind of "meh" on Miranda. Still hate Carrie and Big. The movie wasn't awful but it's kind of hard to get too terribly into the story when every time you see the main character you think "I hope you choke on your $500 shoes, horse-face". You know what's really great though? Seeing a movie with graphic sex scenes with your Grandma. Awkward!

I can't believe I forgot "Oh fer cute!" in my Speaking Minnesotan post. (Thank you!) I think I just hear it so much that I kind of forget that everyone doesn't say it. I admit though that I do prefer "Oh fer gross!" And "hot dish". How could I forget "hot dish"? Hot dish is what you non-Minnesotans call casserole. That's one thing I refuse to give in on. I'm sorry but it just sounds so stupid to me. If anyone ever hears me say "hot dish" please slap me. I've already given in an stared referring to soda as pop. Isn't that enough?

One time in middle school I bought this t-shirt that had the names of every lake in Minnesota on it. (Why did people think I was such a dork?) I wore it proudly until the twelfth person asked me "Is that the name of every person in Minnesota?" Then I wore it ashamedly.

How do you feel when a blogger you really like likes a blogger that you just cannot stand? Do you ever want to leave a comment for them saying "It's either her or me! I DEMAND THAT YOU CHOSE!" or is that just me? It's probably just me. No one else is that neurotic.

I already twittered this but I'm going to go ahead and say it here too. The other day I said to Jesse "You're never romantic anymore!" and he said "What? Did you want to have sex last night or something?" Yeah. Because that's what I meant. Meathead.

76 days until we leave for Disney World. All of the sudden it seems like it's coming up fast. I better start packing. One thing I'll need to pack? Diapers. Potty training is not going well. For a couple of days we had a little success and now nothing. Maybe I should leave Elle with my mom for the weekend to see what she can do with her. Although, if I don't learn how to do it now then how will I someday potty train my own grandchildren?

Well, that's enough stupidity for now I guess.

Speaking Minnesotan

I think it's time for me to face the facts. I speak Minnesotan. I never wanted to do it but it was pointless to resist. I was born into it, there was no escape.

Minnesota, land of 10,000 lakes and 14,000 odd pronunciations.

I only lived in Minnesota for a couple of years before moving away but apparently the dialect made a big impression on me. No matter where I lived as I was growing up people would say "You're from Minnesota aren't you?" Depending on my mood I would respond with "Yah, sure! You betcha!" or "Nuhooooo!" (That's "no" to you non-Minnesotan speakers.)

The Minnesota dialect is a powerful thing but it's not the only influence on my speech. The six years that I lived in California did a number on the way I talk. My conversations skills have been seriously dumbed down by the fact that I can't get through two sentences in a row without throwing in a "you know" or "like" or "whatever". Here's a hint for all of you unfamiliar with the West coast. Californians aren't all stupid. They just sound that way.

I've also been effected by living on various Air Force bases for many of my formative years. I think of Jesse's boss as his "first shirt". I want things done asap. Not ASAP, asap. I sometimes think that I need to stop at the BX for something or other.

I don't think my time in Colorado had any effect on my accent at all. Colorado, like much of the middle of he country is kind of vanilla when it comes to accents. Why is that do you suppose? Why is it that the north, south, east and west have such strong, recognizable dialects while the middle of the country doesn't? How do they speak so normally with stupid speech patterns invading them from every side?

But I digress. The point is that I've finally come to accept my Minnesota dialect. It took living here for 11+ years but I've finally embraced my Minnesota speech. The other day I picked up something heavy and said "Oof-duh" without a hint of irony. I think I've fully assimilated.

Oh, one more thing. A quick tip for those of you non-Minnesotans who may someday find yourselves within our borders: If someone offers you a "salad" be prepared for the fact that whatever they give you will most likely contain jell-o and/or mini marshmallows.

I hope you've entered dat dere popcorn giveaway I've got going on right now. It ain't too bad a deal but it's endin' tonight.

Toddler blood is like sweet, sweet wine to them

I can never let Elle outside again. It turns out the that mosquitoes think she's as deliciously sweet as I do.


This is about 1/10th of the bites she got yesterday. Stupid Minnesota and it's giant baby-eating mosquitoes. It does have it's moments though*.


*It's best moments do not include the one's where we have to sit in out dark basement for half an hour while a small tornado touches down half a mile from our house and my boy cries out things like "Promise me that if our house starts to fall down you'll lay on top of me so that you die and I don't because it's sad when kids die because they haven't even had a chance to grow up yet!"

Edited to add: This is what your knee looks like when you are a toddler and you take two big falls in three days, the second one occurring after your uncle encourages you to run after your mother who is biking past you on a roughly paved road. Thanks for asking Uncle Ben!