Monday, July 20, 2009

Everyone I know went to BlogHer and all I got was this lousy embryo

Right now the interwebs are clogged with BlogHer posts. Who's going, who's not, what people will be wearing, how big their butts will be, what exclusive party people are going to get left out of and have their feelings hurt by? It all gets to be a little much for people who a) are not going to BlogHer (like me) or b) have no idea what BlogHer is (my grandma). So can we all agree that my BlogHer post will be the very last one of the year? Great. Thanks.

So, speaking of BlogHer..... I'm not going. This was the first year I really thought about going. We would be able to afford it and it was within drivingish distance. The problem was that I didn't know exactly how the surrogacy plans would affect things and then some other stuff came up. I decided that I would not go this year. It was a little bit of a bummer but also a relief The idea of being around all those people I don't know sort of makes me want to vomit in terror. And I guess I could go and hide in the bathroom the whole time but then I worry that people will accuse me of copying The Bloggess and then I will have to be all "I hid in the broom closet and I am pretty sure that she hid in the bathroom and also I never called Dooce a mythical hobbit. I called her a fantastical elf! I need a xanax*."

At the same time, I really want to go to BlogHer. All the people I love will be there. Casey, Jennifer, Adam, Sarah, Jean and all the rest. Look at me, throwing names around like I actually know these people. In real life if I walked up to any of them and sat on their lap their reaction would be "Excuse me, but who in the hell are you? And I think you've broken my thighs." Well, maybe not Jean but that's only because she would recognize me from all the time I spend peeking in her windows. She always tells her boys to make faces at me and it makes me cry but not for long because her kids are cute.

But anyway. I wanted to go to BlogHer but it turns out it's a good thing that I chickened out at the last minute. While all my blog heroes are living it up in Chicago I'll be in Los Angeles attempting to get pregnant. I'll be hopped up on hormones and hoping that transfer number two is the magic maker.

So if you're going to BlogHer could you do me a little favor? While you're at the the BlogHer parties could you have a drink for me? And could you mention my blog frequently to other bloggers that you meet? And when you go to the panels and ask questions could you find a way to work my name into the discussion and mention why I'm not able to be there? And could you pick up some swag for me? The good stuff? I promise I'll return the favors next year when I go to BlogHer and you go to the other side of the country and get pregnant with someone elses baby.

*I say this with all the love in the world because I adore The Bloggess and I am going to copy her and buy a confidence wig.

Two years ago today I was lonely and then lucky.
Four years ago today I boiled my baby.


Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I will absolutely have a drink for you.

And if I asked you who the hell you were it would only be because in my old age I can't remember anybody's name.

And why haven't I run into you peeking into Jean's house before? I'm out there all the time.

Anonymous said...

I'm not going either, but I'm happy to have a drink for you!

shyestviolet said...

this made me think of you:

Ethan, Zach, and Emma's Mom said...

I'm not going either--it's so not in the budget. But I'll have a drink for you! Always willing to help out a friend....
P.S. You can sit in my lap anytime. ;-)

Anonymous said...
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Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children said...

Will I have a drink for you? Is that a trick question? Of course I will! If I'd a known you wanted to go/get your name out there, I could have had you send me some of your business cards.

Have fun getting pregnant. Even if it's not the old fashioned way.

Stimey said...

I'll do you one better. I'll pretend that I'm you. However, I can't be responsible when people start showing up at your blog telling you what a drunk jerk you are.

Good luck getting pregnant! I am definitely going to miss you. More than is probably appropriate to say here.

dancing_lemur said...

I'm not going either, but have made it a goal to save up $ and go next year. So you should, too! I'll see you there!

Mrs. Schmitty said...

I'm with ya...I'm not going either. Hey, I'll hold your hand at BlogHer '10 if you'll make a pact to meet me in the bathroom!