Wiggle room
(I'm going to break one of my own blog rules here and talk about my family's finances. I'm torn on what to do and I hope this will provide me some clarity.)
As I type this I've got apple butter simmering in the crock pot and bread baking. My house pretty much smells like magic. Later I'm going to bake brownies and then the house will become the best smelling house in all the world.
As a full time stay-at-home-mom (I don't work in or out of the home at all) I have a lot of time for things like baking bread and canning apple butter and playing Farmville cleaning the house and whatnot. It's a luxury that I know a lot of people would like but simply can't afford. The only reason we can afford it is because Jesse and I decided a long time ago that it was important to us that our children have a parent home with them full time and that we were willing to go without a lot of extras to make that happen. We're not able to afford it because we're rich because, ahahahahahaha, no. We're able to afford it because we're willing to be left with a very small amount of wiggle room after the bills are paid.
The kids started school today. Joseph is in 4th grade and Elle is starting her second year of preschool. It's not cheap sending Elle to school. For 2 hours a day, 4 days a week we pay $228 a month. That might not seem like much to some people but remember us over here with the tight budgets? Yeah, it's a lot for us. We can make it work though. We just cut corners a little tighter in other places. No biggie right?
Now we're in a quandary. We just found out we could send Elle to an all-day preschool program this year. She would go to her regular class in the morning then have another four hours of school after that let out. Each day her class would do math and reading projects and then (depending on the day of the week) would go to the library or the computer lab or art class or music class.
The class sounds perfect for Elle. I feel like she's ready for an all-day program. She's smart as a whip and very social and I think she could really benefit a lot from the class. She's an old four and we had even debated trying to push her ahead to kindergarten this year but I think this would be even better for her. She's sensitive and easily frustrated when she can't do something right so I think she might really flourish in the gentle, nurturing environment of preschool.
All that said, we probably wont' be signing her up for the program. I'm sure you can guess why. The cost is $456 and I just don't think we can make that work. In fact, I KNOW we can't. We're out of wiggle room.
Now In case you're thinking "GET A JOB!" I want you to know I am giving that some thought. If I could get a job, even for only a few hours a week while the kids are both in school, I could probably get us the wiggle room we need to afford the all day program. The problems with that idea are: a) I am terrified to go back to work. I've been doing this at-home thing for so long that the idea of punching a clock and talking to adults makes me sort of woozy. b) I'm pretty much unskilled. Sure, I used to be a cashier and I knew how to run a til but it's been ages since I did that. My homemaking skills don't really translate into real world job skills. Unless people want to pay me for my highly skilled uterus I might have a hard time finding something. c) I don't really want to work. I love my children but the few hours I get when they're in school are important to me. I like running errands without having to bring them with. I like jumping into the shower without them pounding on the bathroom door. I like taking the time to bake cookies for an after school treat. That stuff matters to me. (Maybe more that it should?) I've been a stay-at-home-mom for 10 years. I feel like I've earned these few hours a day.
So now I have to decide. Do I take one for the team and try to find some crappy, low paying job that I hopefully don't hate so that Elle can go to the all day program? Or do we continue to send her to the half day program and look forward to next year's all day kindergarten class? Or do I try to figure out some other creative way to earn us some extra wiggle room? Or do I make Jesse get a second job? Or do I keep pursuing another surrogacy and move Elle into the all day program when (if) I get pregnant and start getting paid? Or do I buy a lottery ticket and hope that today is my lucky day?
You know what? This hasn't clarified anything at all for me. If anything I'm more torn that ever. What to do, what to do, what to do?*
*I'm not really asking YOU what I should do but if anyone's got the perfect solution I'm more than willing to listen to it.
Two years ago today I found a practical use for blogging.
Five years ago today I was the most boring person in the world.
Jen
12 comments:
I hear ya girl. I'm a single mom who stayed home for years, and now that I need to work, can't get hired for any meaningful work. Life is tricky. Good Luck.
I hear ya girl. I'm a single mom who stayed home for years, and now that I need to work, can't get hired for any meaningful work. Life is tricky. Good Luck.
Hi --
I don't have the perfect idea but are there any all day co-ops that are cheaper? Then it would be some of your time but not all of your free time. Or you could be wrong about your marketable skills -- could you talk to the folks at the preschool and maybe trade some teaching your cool skills (for example, design some cooking classes that sneak in math or the study of another culture, etc, preschoolers love cooking) for reduced tuition?
Try doing some writing! Demand Studios, for example, pays $15 per article that takes maybe an hour to write. A friend's daughter wrote enough during her maternity leave to pay the car payment and insurance. You would only need to write and have published 30 articles a month to pay for the whole thing! Try http://jobs.problogger.net/ too and I bet others know some other places to try.
Well, since you asked. There's years and years and years ahead when she can go to school all day long. And I promise you she will eventually learn all her letters and maths and all of it. But. There's only one more year that she can spend most of the "school day" being your one and only. Now that my baby is 15 it seems like such an easy choice, but I know it isn't for you. Best luck!
Elle has a lot of full-time school ahead of her so I don't think a full-day preschool is absolutely necessary. That said, if you need to get a job just remember that nothing is forever. If you have to work that job for a year to pay for preschool, so be it, you can quit when she enters (free!) school. Have you looked into working at a group home or as a personal care attendant? That is a job where your SAHM skills would be very beneficial.
I'm a retired day care center director, and I think full day is fine if there is a need. She's already getting what she needs, school and you. Why try and push her? So she can be bored in Kindergarten? She's got years of "have to" ahead of her. Let her be a kid. It would be different if you had a career you loved and wanted to pursue. Then I'd tell you to go for it. But for now, let it be.
You will never regret staying at home. I believe it is one of the hardest jobs out there. Working mom's really have it easy. I know, I've been both. My 2 cents? Stay at home with her. Enjoy her. She could benefit the time at school, but I know she will benefit with the time with you. And, you can't buy that.
All you need to do is come up with the next great blog idea that someone will pay you to turn into a book that they sell at Urban Outfitters! It seems like it would be totally easy and the perfect plan. ;-)
as a person with no children, you should listen to me.
my opinion is to stick with part time school as it's only a year before she's having a full day... no need to push as she sounds like an awesome, smart, perfectly cool kid who doesn't need an all day program. she'll learn more from her awesome mom this year...
If I had to guess, I would guess that she would love the all-day option, but that she is also extremely happy in the part-day option and likes spending time with you as well. I wouldn't make yourself unhappy to get her in more school for one year. Because if you're unhappy, everyone will be unhappy. Especially me.
Here's the MIL point of view. Stay home with your children as long as you can and as long as you are comfortable with it. Your husband NEVER went to pre-school at all. There was one other child in our neighborhood, a little girl, a year older than he is and they played together... it was great for us Moms, we switched off houses and we each had some alone time that way. With Elle going to pre-school half days, she is getting all the "social" time she needs. She learns from you at home, too. She is a very smart little girl and she will do fine. If you really feel bad about her "missing out", why not get some workbooks and work with her at home....and I agree with the rest... let her be a kid. If you want to pursue something part-time that is fine (I did that when Jesse was in second grade and gone all day at school.. when he went to Kindergarten it was only half days) For now, I wouldn't worry about the all day program. That is alot of money and she is doing fine. After all, she kicked her Grandma's butt in Pictureka 3 times in a row and it's a game for 6years and up...and she's only 4, I know almost 5, but she is doing wonderul as she is!!
Love to all, Grandma Judy
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