What's killing Jen today?

I have wrestled with a high chair. I have done battle with my neti pot. I have fought with fiber. I have come out on top every time. So what nearly killed me today? Gather round children and I'll tell you a story 'bout a gal named Jen, poor Minnesotan, trying not to get dead.

I was talking on the phone today and I noticed something itchy on the front of my right shoulder. I figured it was a crumb or something on my bra strap so I kind of pushed the strap aside and kept talking. I slowly started to notice that the itch wasn't going away. I kept talking on the phone but the itch was getting worse and worse. When I got off the phone I pulled my shirt aside and looked at my shoulder. The whole front and top my my shoulder was red. What the heck? I look my bra over and can't see anything on it that should be giving me problems so I put a little lotion on the red area, fix my stap and make another phone call.

This phone call was to the therapist at my surrogacy agency. I have to check in every week or so just so that they know I haven't gone crazy. Or something like that. Whatever the reason they want to talk to me is, I of course want to present my "best self" while speaking with them. Here's the thing though. It's hard to present your best self when your entire right shoulder feels like it's on fire.

Two minutes into the phone conversation and the itch starts back up again. Only now it's spreading to the back of my shoulder and down onto my chest. I can feel huge, painful welts rising up. I keep chatting with the therapist but what I really want to do is scream "MY BRA IS KILLING ME!" and run outside and roll in the mud topless. I try to keep a casual tone to my voice as I remove my bra while I chat.

I somehow manage to end the phone call without saying anything weird and I go to look in the mirror again. There is a huge red rash going all the way from the back of my right shoulder, over the top and front of my shoulder, down the front of my chest. The front of my shoulder has large, raised welts all over it.

I don't know what caused this. I never found anything wrong with my bra and eventually the rash went away. What could have caused this? Maybe I'll look online and see if I can find some all natural pill used to cure undergarment allergies. I just hope it doesn't have fiber in it.