Internet drama is like a lake or a rock or something

I compose all my best posts while I'm sitting in the shower. I know what you're thinking. "You actually compose this drivel? Like, actual thought goes into it?" You're also probably thinking "Wait a second, did you say you sit in the shower?"

Back off, all right? I've been doing it since I was a kid and I'm not about to stop for you.

But where was I? Oh yes, I compose my best posts while I'm sitting in the shower. Something about the hot water and the steam and the soap and the washing of my hair till it squeaks then pouring on a gallon of conditioner really gets the old creative juices flowing.

I also have a lot of great ideas for posts when I'm halfway asleep. For that reason I keep a notepad by my bed and I use it to jot quick ideas on as I'm drifting to sleep. Then I wake up in the morning and read my notepad and it always says something like "Shneedle doo snarf coorp? snack cake moodle bowl!" Then I throw that page away and hope for better luck next time.

The point of all this is to say that I came up with really great analogy for Internet drama the other day. You may want to sit down for this, it's pretty good. (I say that assuming that you're not in the shower where you would of course already be sitting down.)

Starting Internet drama is a lot like throwing a rock into a pond. What you did may have been very small but instantly ripples start to form. Those ripples grow and grow, getting bigger and bigger than you ever thought they would. You don't have to stay and watch those ripples grow. You can turn away and not watch them. You can refuse to add to them by throwing more rocks into the water. You can roll your eyes and declare that the ripples are boring and that you're so over them. What you can't do is stand on the shore and demand that the ripples stop. Even if it makes you angry or sad those ripples are going to keep growing. All you can do is wait for them to stop when they're good and ready to. Jumping into the water and trying to force the ripples to stop is only going to make things worse.

You know what? I'm going to be honest with you. This was not a shower composed post. This is something that came to me at two in the morning. That's why it's such a labored analogy. At one time I think there was also a part about pond scum and ducks but I decided to leave that our for the sake of clarity.

Now if you'll excuse me, there's a shower floor calling my name.