Wednesday, December 17, 2008

How would you describe me?

Now that the surrogacy is on again I've agreed to blog about the process and my pregnancy on my agency's website. In order to get started I need to write a short thingie* about myself. I cannot fricken do it! Everything I write makes me sound like an arrogant jackass ("I just want to make the world a better place by creating something that would not have been possible without me!") or a sad sack ("Oh, don't mind me. I'm just happy to have someone notice me. Pregnancy makes me fat.") or a complete crazy lady ("My womb is a golden vessel from which springs forth new life unto a glorious world and angels and puppies and unicorns!"

I cannot write with pressure on me! I can't even get the basics right. I don't know how much information to give and how to phrase it to make it sound good without sounding too good. Why is it so hard for me to write do this? It's not like I have a hard time talking about myself in real life. Or on my blog. Or in my head as I pretend that I'm narrating a documentary about my life. It makes laundry less boring ok?

So help me out here people. I'm not asking you to write this thing for me but just give an idea of how to start. And finish. And tell me what I should say in the middle. And also, if you have any attractive pictures of yourself that you can let me use that would be great because I'm supposed to send a picture of myself in and in all the ones I have of myself my face looks like a matzo ball.

*They chose me for my mad writing skillz and ability to use words like "thingie" when other words would really work much better.


Ben said...

Be sure and mention the time you pushed me down a hill, or all the times I conned Mom into making you clean the bathroom.

Ahh, we did have fun.

CharmingDriver said...

Now you know I love you like butter and am in awe of your willingness to get knocked up for others but might I just suggest leaving out the part about the woman you know only casually laying on top of you and telling you that she needs to fart but worries that if she does she'll poop her pants.

I mean, it's charming. OBVIOUSLY. But some may, just may, not get the humor.

(but man, I do. I SO DO. HEE!!)

Sam said...

I wanted to say something about the drunk woman but certain people totally beat me to the punch. Sheesh!

Sarah said...

I'm hoping that you are going to include us on your journey.
Can I ask about some stuff? I don't know anyone who has done this, so it is all very interesting.

StickyKeys said...

I would go the "God gave me a gift to bless those who would otherwise go without." route. If you don't want it so santicmonious you can go the "The experience of giving birth is incomparable and only surpassed by the loving smiles of the new parents I've carried for. I wouldn't trade being a part of that for anything and can't wait to continue being a part of that process."

Really, I could go on all day. Send me your rough draft and I'll go through it for ya.

StickyKeys said...

And yeah, no drunk, lesbian-chic adventures. Unless those are your clients. And even then it might be best to wait until after the papers are signed.

Stimey said...

Go with the "problem girl as hero" approach. But be funny. And humble. And use the word "thingie." And don't forget to curse.

I'm not good at this sort of thing either.