Did I say woot? Because I meant shoot.

Sometimes life is really annoying.

Remember when I was pregnant with A and J was a giant nervous wreck about everything? "The baby's heartbeat is normal? But could it be better? Would it be better if it was a little bit higher? What can we do to make it just a little bit higher?"

Her nervous wreckieness turned me into a nervous wreck. I dreaded the appointments that I knew he would be coming to because I was so afraid that some little thing would be wrong (or just not normal enough) and it would send him into a panic. I let it affect me too much.

J was at the last three appointments I had before A was born. At all three my blood pressure was high. Every other time when I would get my blood pressure taken it was fine. In fact, at one appointment when J was there the doctor re-checked my blood pressure halfway through the appointment and it was fine. The day before A was born my blood pressure was fine. Throughout labor it was fine. I never had any protein in my urine, never had any swelling (other than my rear end) never had any headaches. Other than those three high blood pressure readings I was fine.

Well guess what the RE who I was supposed to be going to has decided to focus on. Yeah. Those three numbers. Because of those three numbers he won't work with me. Since he won't work with me the agency won't work with me. Meaning? No surrogacy for me.

Fuck.

My one tiny ray of hope is my OB. I called him last night and explained the situation. He said he would be willing to write a letter saying that he feels it would be safe for me to get pregnant again. He said there's no reason at all I couldn't do this again and he's surprised the RE would even be concerned with those three numbers since they don't really tell the whole story. He's even having me come in for some lab work so that we can show that everything is functioning as it should.

I don't know if any of that is going to make any difference at all. The RE might dismiss everything my OB says and still say no to working with me. If that happens then I'm out of options. My chances of getting another agency to work with me after I've been turned down already are about 0%. Even if I could find one who's to say their RE would work with me? If this doesn't work then in all likelihood my surrogacy career is over.

All because of three fricken numbers.

Shoot.