Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The locks! They do nothing!

Before we moved into this house every place Jesse and I ever lived had just one bathroom. This was never a problem for Jesse as he feels perfectly comfortable using the bathroom while I'm showering or showering while I'm using the bathroom. I'm a bit more .... uptight than he is so I've never been totally comfortable with that arrangement.

Joseph has inherited Jesse's comfort with shared bathroom experiences. In fact, he's taken it to the next level. He'll walk right into the bathroom no matter what you're doing. He'll do it for pretty much any reason too. If he has to use the bathroom, if he wants to throw something away, if he's got something to tell you, if he's bored and has nothing else to do. Thanks to his general lack of awareness of the need for personal space and privacy he sees nothing wrong with it and my shrieks of "Joseph! Get out of the bathroom" really don't even seem to faze him.

You can imagine how pleased I was when we found our current home. Two full bathrooms PLUS a toilet in the laundry room. Score! I really figured that once we moved into this house I would never again have someone walk in on me when I'm in the bathroom. Oh, how I underestimated my family.

It turns out that the best bathroom in my house is "whatever bathroom mom is in". The second I walk into a bathroom it becomes the happening place to be. The kids walk right in. "Mommy, can I have candy?" It's like they know I'll agree to whatever is asked just to get three seconds alone on the toilet. (Yes, I realize I could lock the door but our last house didn't have a lock on the bathroom door and now I'm out of the habit.) Jesse's not much better. He doesn't always walk in but he'll stand right outside the door and talk to me. Um, hello? I'm in there making bathroom noises. I might not enjoy the audience.

On the rare occasion I do remember to lock the door it's pretty much an exercise in futility anyway. The other day I locked the door when I went to take a shower. As I washed my hair I heard someone rattle the knob. "Haha!" I thought "I've done it now! No one will be able to enter my fortress of privacy and shampoo!"

Two minutes later the knob rattled again. I ignored it until I realized the door was actually opening. In walked Jesse and Elle. Jesse had popped the lock open so that he and Elle could come in. Because when I lock the door to the bathroom what I really mean is "I still want you to come in, I just want to make it slightly less convenient for you."

What the hell is wrong with my family? I know it's a hackneyed mommy-blogger complaint but will I ever again have a moment to myself in the bathroom? My family members are three, eight and thirty something. At what age will they realize that privacy is a very precious commodity and that I could use a little more of it? Is my husband doesn't' have it down yet, is there any hope for my children?

I have a story about my mother-in-law that I would like to add here but I won't because she reads this blog (Hi Judy!) and while I'm ok mocking my own immediate family, it gets kind of weird if I'm talking about the in-laws. Let's just say that Jesse's bathroom etiquette appears to be genetic and leave it at that. Oy.

One year ago today it was St Patrick's Day.
Two years ago today I did a Google meme.
Three years ago today I wrote what can only be described as the most boring blog post ever.


Queen of the Misfits said...

Umm yeah, i hate to be a "debbie downer" but my 9 year old does that still - well, did. our lock is broken, so we got one of those that can only unlock/lock from the inside. the little hook and hole type one. i don't know what it is called, but you know?? just put it up high enough so that the little one can't lock herself in!

Nicki said...

They actually picked the lock to get in? Thats crazy! Maybe you should put up a sign that says DO NOT ENTER!

littlebobleep said...

"It turns out that the best bathroom in my house is "whatever bathroom mom is in". "

So true!!!!!!

Ferdinand the Duck said...

Picked the lock. Classic. That makes me laugh and laugh. A commiseration-type laugh.

Anonymous said...

Hi Jen... you can go ahead and tell the story.... I'll be laughing!! It's true.... Jesse grew up that way.. Always an "open family"..besides its a very effective way of getting someone to listen... they are a "captive audience" so to speak. They just want to be where you are... want some privacy?? Send them on errands, or take thyself to a hotel...Put on your big girl panties(literally!) and deal with it. We all love you and want to be in your presence!! MIL-Judy