Interview with the boy child

The answer to what one of the statements about the museum trip was false? Number nine. Sort of. Elle really did say she loves hardpeckers. The false part of it was that I didn't try to stop her. There was no one else around us and she was just so cute and happy that I just didn't have the heart to stop her. Also it made me laugh.

Here's a easy-peasy Sunday blog post. I originally posted this on Facebook but I thought it was cute enough to share here. I interviewed Joseph and asked him questions about me. These are his unedited answers.

1. What is something mom always says to you? Joseph, stop picking your nails.

2. What makes mom happy? Me not whining.

3. What makes mom sad? When I make my puppy dog eyes.

4. How does your mom make you laugh? She tells me funny things.

5. What was mom like as a child? She wore glasses and a bumble bee shirt.

6. How old is your mom? 33

7. How tall is your mom? Get a ruler.

8. What is her favorite thing to do? Blog and drinking wine and Pepsi and spending time with me.

9. What does your mom do when you are not around? I don't know. Watch Elle and text.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what would it be for? Best mom.

11. What is your mom really good at? Blogging, texting, ordering me around.

12. What is your mom not very good at? Nothing.

13. What does your mom do for work? Stay home.

14. What is your mom's favorite food? Sushi and that cheese that squeaks in your teeth.

15. What makes you proud of your mom? Cause she's a good mom.

16. If your mom was a cartoon character, who would she be? *shrugs shoulders* She wouldn't fit one.

17. What do you and your mom do together? Play games and snuggle.

18. How are you and your mom alike? We both like Disney World and ice cream and chocolate and we both don't like when Daddy toots and we both blog. We're both very alike.

19. How are you and your mom different? She's a girl and I'm a boy. She doesn't fart and I do. She doesn't watch tv as much as I do and she's not such a video game fan.

20. How do you know your mom loves you? Cause she told me so.

21. What does your mom like most about your dad? That he's her husband.

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? The liquor store.

It's kind of scary how well he knows me. In my defense though I have to say that I really prefer Disney World to the liquor store. Also, I'm 31.

One year ago today I was a little misunderstood.

Two years ago today I tried to look on the bright side.

A funny thing happened at the museum

I took the kids to my local history museum yesterday. It was hectic and fun. I'm going to tell you about ten things that happened at the museum. Nine of them really happened. Go ahead and try to guess what one is made up.

1. I got a call telling me that I missed the cut-off time for my SHG by one day and that the transfer will have to be pushed back a month.
2. Joseph pointed to a large plastic cow and said "Are visitors allowed to rub this cow?"
3. Elle found a pencil and drew on an exhibit.
4. Joseph was fascinated by an exhibit about Rosa Parks and made me read every single one of the 30 something panels out loud to him while Elle tried to climb on them.
5. Elle walked into the museum and said "This is boring! I don't like this building!"
6. Joseph looked at a exhibit about making butter and said "I didn't know butter was technologically advanced!"
7. As we were leaving the museum Elle said "This museum is not so boring after all! I like it here."
8. Joseph and Elle both asked me to buy them rubber balls that looked like popcorn in the gift shop. When I said no they both cried about not being able to get "cornballs".
9. Elle called a stuffed woodpecker a "hardpecker" and repeatedly yelled "I love hardpeckers!" despite my attempts to correct her.
10. Joseph told a museum employee "I like that exhibit about brown people riding the bus."

So, what one of those didn't really happen?

What's more fun than a condom covered probe? Everything

I forgot about one really fun aspect of surrogacy. It's the long periods where you're just waiting, waiting, waiting mixed in with occasional frantic bursts of "OMG!!! Go and do this right now and hurry because everything depends on this and if you don't do it right now everything will be ruined and OMG why are you still sitting there! GO RIGHT NOW!"

We're in a bit of a manic phase right now. All of the sudden everything came together. Contracts were done, final insurance coverage was given and a tentative medication schedule was set with it all leading up to a transfer next month.

That is of course, if I can get a sonohysterogram scheduled in the next four minutes. For those of you who don't know, "sonohysterogram" is a fancy word for "having warm salt water injected into your uterus and then being poked at with a condom covered ultrasound probe for what feels like two hours while a doctor attempts to find your ovaries which, judging by how the you're being jabbed at with the ultrasound dildo, have migrated up to your ears". It's super fun and I was really hopeful that I was going to be able to skip the whole thing this time but no such luck.

It's all good though. The fact that I could be getting pregnant next month (fingers crossed!) is what's really important here. This is just a small bump in the road. A small condom covered bump. I can deal with it.

Spring Breakdown

It's Spring Break this week. There's a good chance that by the end of the week either Joseph or I will be living in the garage.

I don't know if the kid is hitting a growth spurt or what but he's been off for the past week or so. Half of the time he is himself at his best, sweet and gentle, funny and smart. The other half of the time he is hell on wheels. Or rather, hell on little Cars socks covered feet. If I ask him to do something I never know what reaction I'm going to get.

Will it be "Ok Mommy! I like to do stuff for you. Can we play a game later when you're not busy? While I'm waiting I'll play with Elle."?

Or will it be "Destroyer! You are a destroyer of days! AAAAAGH! You ruined my day YOU DESTROYER, YOU!!!!"?

I have gotten both so far this morning. And I am not exaggerating either one. And both were responses to me asking him to get dressed.

I think I'm going to go lay down in the garage for a while now. Someone wake me up when it's Monday.

One year ago today I saw a movie and really, really hated it.

It's like blogging but more random

I don't have anything substantial enough to blog about so here are some random little snippets.

Elle has started saying "lasterday" instead of "yesterday". According to her everything happened lasterday. I hope she never stops saying it.

Jesse and I wnet out with friends on Saturday night. I put a dollar in the juke box and played "Shoop". I knew all the words so I sang along. It was awesome and shameful. But mostly awesome.

VH-1 has a lot of crappy programming but the worst show of them all might be Tool Academy. I hope that if instead of having a second season they have a new show for the women of Tool Academy and that they call it "Get Some Intensive Therapy So You Can Deal With Your Issues and Find Out What Would Cause You to Date Such an Asshole Academy". That said, I was glad Ashley and Tiny Tool won. I was rooting for them. And now I have to go stick my head in the microwave.

People who think using the U-turn on the Amazing Race is "shady" are stupid. It's part of the game and to not use take advantage of something that could help you win the game (or at least advance) isn't honorable. It's dumb.

I would kill for good sushi and/or Indian food.

I just sent my new IFs an email with a story about the problem with ice house robberies in Minnesota. I don't know why. I just like telling people random crap that they don't need to know about.

My surrogacy contracts are done and I could be getting a meds schedule as soon as Wednesday. We're cruising now!

Sometimes Jesse and I like to chat on Facebook when he's in the office and I'm in the living room with the laptop. The fact that we can hear each other typing as we "chat" amuses me to no end.

Today I found a little rock in my pocket and I have no idea how it got there.

Please don't allow idiots near the mirophone

Last night I went to see Angela Davis speak at St Cloud State University. It was really, really interesting. She's a very powerful, compelling speaker and although I didn't agree with everything she said (especially regarding some of her thoughts on the prison system) I found her talk thought provoking.

If you're the sort of person who enjoys watching other people make idiots out of themselves then you should go to events like this one and then stick around for the question and answer segment. Get a large group of people together in a room and I guarantee that that were be several morons who just can't want to use that open mic to broadcast their particular brand of moronishness to the whole room.

Last night one guy stood up the microphone and instead of asking a question (like we were specifically instructed to do!) started rambling on with his own thoughts about the problems with the prison system. His main complaint seemed to be that we don't do enough to keep pedophiles safe while they are in prison. He went on and on about it. It was kind of fascinating. All I could think was "Dude! Way to out yourself as a sex offender!"

I mean, I suppose it's possible that this guy wasn't a pedophile. I guess. I don't know though. You don't see a lot of non-pedophiles tearing at their hair and crying "Won't someone please think of the child molesters!" I may be biased here. I for one don't give a flying flip about the safety of child molesters. In my opinion, you do something like that to a child and you kind of deserve whatever you get after that.

If anything surpassed that moment in pure OMG inducement it was the white woman who stood up at the microphone and sobbed as she asked her question. She stood there and asked Angela Davis, former Black Panther, how to help the minorities around her who just seemed to give up so easily when faced with difficulties. "I just *sob* see them and I *sob* feel so bad because they *sob* just don't try as hard as I do *sob* and I want to help them *sob* but I don't know how because *sob* they just don't have it in them to *sob sob sob* try as hard as I do."

Here is my reaction rendered in glorious emoticon form: <:^O

Somehow Angela Davis managed to give an answer that was smart, gentle, informed, compassionate and just a wee bit of a smack down. If it was just me standing up there the best I would have been able to come up with is "Did you really just say that to me? Really? What part of your brain thought it was ok to let those words leak out of your mouth?"

I wondered what answer this woman was looking for. Was Angela Davis going to tell her just the right thing to say to inspire the people around her to try harder? As my dear friend Emily said "What is she going to do? Go up to people and say 'Excuse me, I noticed that you're a person of color and that you seem to give up easier than I do. I would like to help you with that.'?"

(I am aware that the punctuation in that last sentence was totally messed up but I'm not sure how to fix it and I'm too lazy to figure it out. If only there was someone around to give me a condescending pep talk.)

Anyway, the talk was really interesting but the question and answer period just confirmed for me what I have long suspected. Idiots are drawn to open mics and captive audiences. Has anyone else ever had an experience like this?

Two years ago today Spring Break left me feeling confused and I took part in an epic battle.

She's got a point

Yesterday Elle was kind of whiny and crabby and when I asked her what was wrong she said "My poopy has points in it and it pokes me when I sit down."

I guess that would make me crabby too.

One year ago today Joseph was a heathen.
Two years ago today I thought fruit murder was funny.
Three years ago today Joseph was spooky and I wanted him to kick someone.

My family has mad skillz

My family has been pretty busy for the past few days. We've used this past weekend to show off all of our most amazing skills.

On Friday afternoon Joseph and some of his friends put on a play for his class. (Jesse, my mom and I were there to see it too.) Joseph wrote the play, cast it, directed it, produced it and acted in it. The play is called Super Pickle and it is the moving story of a pickle who stops a dinosaur from eating the mayor's house. While watching the play we laughed, we cried and we cheered. We fell in love with characters like Super Pickle, Scribblesaurus and The Guy Who Runs Away. After the play Joseph was asked how he came up with the idea for Super Pickle and he responded "I was trying to make a lizard but when I cut it out I accidentally cut off his legs and arms ...... and tail. Then it looked like a pickle so I made a play about it." I'm pretty sure that's how "12 Angry Men" came to be made.

On Saturday Elle's dance class had a dance recital. A lot of the little girls who were on stage just froze. They didn't sing or dance or move or do much beyond looking horrified. It was actually really cute. They stood there in their sparkly, overpriced leotards and stared out at the crowd, stunned. They looked like adorable cotton candy statues. Elle was not one of the ones who froze. Elle danced and sang her little heart out. She twirled, she stomped, she kept scooting further and further forward so that by the end she was a good foot in front of all the other girls. I had tears in my eyes watching her. She looked so happy and sure of herself, it was really a lot of fun to watch.

On Sunday Jesse and I showed off our skills as parents and responsible adults by ..... locking ourselves and our children out of the house. Ever since we moved into this house we've had this lock/door/key situation that has needed to be taken care of. We've said to each other "One of these days we're going to lock ourselves out of the house!" countless times. Today we did it and we felt exactly as stupid as we knew we would. We called a locksmith and he let us back into the house AND fixed the lock/door/key situation. It worked out really well because in the end all it cost us was $12,789.63 and a big chunk of pride.

My family is made of awesome. Well, some of us are. The smaller ones of us. Us bigger folks could learn a thing or two from those little people.

Two years ago today Elle showed off her new winter hat.
Three years ago today I said something I had swore I never would.