A, B, C, easy as 1, 2, 3

"Since you had one with the first surrogacy and two with the second are you going to have three with the third?"

I lost count of how many people asked me that.  Friends, family, casual acquaintances, my ob.  Hell, I even joked about it myself a few times.  Oh, it's a funny joke, carrying triplets.  Ha ha HA.

When I went to California for my embryo transfer I was well armed with statistics and facts and percentages.  I knew we were going to be aggressive and transfer three embryos.  I knew what could happen.  I was willing to take the risk. I knew that in the room next to me there was another woman, a second surrogate my IPs were were working with, who was taking the same risk.  My IPs, frustrated with their 15 year cycle of trying and failing to have a child had decided to take a big risk.  Two surrogates, six embryos.  An unusual situation to be sure but one everyone involved with was comfortable being a part of.

Right before the transfer the doctor squeezed my hand and said "Now triplets are possible you know, but not likely at all.  You just keep taking your prenatal vitamins and everything will be fine."

After the transfer came the wait.  Almost right away I knew it had worked.  I just felt pregnant.  Less than four full days after the transfer I got my first positive urine test.  Nine days after the transfer I had my first blood test.  My beta came back as 62. Now that might not mean anything to most of you but for those of us in "the biz" that number is kind of low.  Two days later I had another beta and that one was just a hair shy of doubling.  A good sign but I still wasn't real happy with the low number.  Two days later I had my third and final beta and the number had almost tripled.

I found out that the other surrogate had not gotten pregnant.  Not one of the three embryos transferred had "stuck" for her.

So yesterday was the big day for me.  I got to go to my first ultrasound and see how many embryos had "stuck" with me.  Based on my low numbers I felt like it was probably one.  (In fact, I had compared my numbers to when I was pregnant with the twins and they were a good deal lower this time around.)  I also have had almost not morning sickness and certainly you can't have a multiple pregnancy without morning sickness, right?  On the other hand, I knew that I had been really tired.  Well, tired doesn't even start to describe it.  I was utterly exhausted.  So maybe it was twins.

When I went for my ultrasound the technician recognized me from when I was in all the time with the twins.  She was friendly and we chatted for a bit before getting started.  As she started the ultrasound she asked "Any chance there's more than one in here?"  I laughed and said there could be as many as three but I didn't think that was really possible.

She started probing me and the room got very quiet.  I couldn't see the screen but I could see her face and she looked... confused?  Worried? Amused?  I started to get worried myself.  What if she was seeing a gestational sec with no fetus in it?  What if this was a chemical pregnancy?  "What are you seeing there?" I asked at last.

"I'm seeing a lot of activity" she said slowly and then she turned the screen towards me.  And there it was.

 

A. B. C.  Three.  Triplets.  

I was speechless.  I just stared.  How could this be?  I mean, I knew it could be but .... HOW?  I managed to find my voice and I asked the tech to show me each heartbeat twice.  I still didn't believe it until she managed to get all three heartbeats on the screen at one.  The rest of the ultrasound was a blur.  I was trying to keep from crying or laughing or passing out or all three combined.  Before she left the room the tech squeezed my hand.

I got dressed and wandered out to the waiting room.  Then to the hall way.  Then I had to sit down.  I sat for a long time.  I called Jesse and my surrogacy agency and texted a couple of people.  Then, when I was at last feeling halfway solid I drove home and ate half a jar of nutella.

Today I'm still feeling stunned.  I don't know what this will bring.  It's still super early in the pregnancy.  (I will be six weeks tomorrow.)  I know it's not uncommon in multiple pregnancies for one fetus to ... disappear.  Of course that doesn't always happen.  I have to admit that I am facing the prospect of carrying three babies.  Am I freaked?  You bet your sweet ass I am.  Freaked doesn't even scratch the surface of how I feel.  But I'm going to play this one day by day and see what comes next. 

As for right now?  I'm going to go eat that other half jar of nutella.  Don't judge.  I'm eating for four.

Houston, we have a baby

Woot!  I'm pregnant!  The transfer was successful much to my great relief.  To be honest, I was getting positive pregnancy tests just four days after the embryo transfer but I wanted to hold off on sharing until it had been confirmed by blood test.

Three blood tests later my hgc numbers just keep going up so we're really, truly pregnant.  My IM is starting to get cautiously optimistic.  This has been a long road for her and I know we still have a long way to but she's getting excited.

As for me I feel pretty good right now.  I have decided that this will be the pregnancy where I do not get morning sickness.  I'm determined not to throw up a single time.  I have had a couple of times where I felt a little urpy but I think that was caused less by morning sickness and more by a pretty wicked case of heartburn.  Mostly I'm hungry all the time and really, really sleepy.  I forgot how tired I get during early pregnancy!  I keep thinking "I should really get the Christmas decorations out ...zzzzzzzz." or "I suppose I should get dinner started and clean the ..... zzzzzz."

Oh well.  This too shall pass and before you know it I'll be on to my favorite part of pregnancy - the part where I switch to maternity pants!

Randomness - The LA edition

Is there anything more decedent than room service?  You look at a menu and choose whatever you want to eat and then magically, after a quick phone call it shows up in your room and you can eat it while you sit on your bed and watch a marathon of Deadliest Catch.

Have I mentioned that I am in LA?  Probably not since I haven't blogged in over two weeks.  Eek.  Retroactive blogging guilt!

Saturday morning I had an embryo transfer.  Attempt #2 at surrogacy #3 has begun.  I'm going to be here till Wednesday taking it super easy and resting and relaxing and clenching and hoping like the dickens that this one takes.  I feel like our odds are pretty good so.... we'll see I guess.

I have gone into serious take-it-easy mode.  After I eat my room service I stare at my tray with resentment thinking how big of a job it will be to take it over to the door.  Why must post-room service clean up be such a big job?

Today is my husband's birthday.  I feel bad that I'm not home to do something nice for him.  I would have grilled him a nice steak or something.  Although really he does all the grilling at our house so he probably would have had to grill his own steak.  Which I guess he can do even without me there.  So I guess me not being there really doesn't change anything.

Before I got here I was really looking forward to a few days rest and relaxation.  Now that I'm here I have to say that I am SO BORED.  I've been reading a ton, spending a lot of time on pinterest, playing some facebook games and watching a bunch of reruns of Pawn Stars (most depressing show ever).  It was fun at first but now I'm going a little stir crazy.  I wish I could do a load of dishes or brush Elle's hair or listen to one of Joseph's long stories about video games or play with my camera or can a batch of tomato sauce or bake some cookies or do anything outside of this hotel room.  But... my IPs want me on aggressive bedrest so I'm resting.  And slowly losing my mind.

Oh!  Hoarders is on!

Overheard from the backseat of my car

Joseph's friend: "Joseph, you have Aspergers right?"
Joseph: "Right.  And you have Tourette's System*?"
Joseph's friend: "Yeah." *long pause* "That's probably why we're such good friends."
Joseph: "Because we understand each other."

Melt.

*He really called it "Tourette's System.  He's too cute.

The visitors

I had some visitors this past weekend.  I watched thme run around the house and take toys off the shelf and scream at each othrt and laugh at each other and eat bowls of applesauce and then run around some more.  I stared at them and wondered "How were you both ever so small that you fit in my tummy?"

The surro-twins, they're not tiny babies any more.  They're little people with gigantic personalities.  I spent most of the weekend just watching them and enjoying being around them.  The time I spent with them was about the only time in the past two weeks I haven't had a pounding, burning lupron-induced headache.  Maybe because they were a nice reminder that everything I'm going through is for a reason and when it's all done and we're (please, oh please) successful there will be another little bit (or two) of magic in the world.

There's The Boy who laughs at everything and will let you hold him (even if you're pretty much a stranger to him) as long as he's eating chicken fingers.

There's The Girl who's a little more serious and hard to impress.  Once you make her smile though you feel like you've won something.

The Boy doesn't want to stop and look at what's in front of him, not when there's something even more interesting across the room.

The Girl is a little more deliberate.  Once she knows what she wants she's determined to go after it.

When you give them a present they might think it's hilarious to try to drop it in the toilet.

And when they nap they put their little heads together.

Yup, I did a good job.  Now their daddies are doing a good job.  I can't even explain to you how much it filled my heart up to see the babies and see how well they're doing.  The timing of their visit was perfect too.  I needed a reminder that at the end of all the shots and the ultrasounds and the headaches and the procedures and the pills....

Something wonderful happens.

One year ago today Jesse's credit card was stolen for a stupid reason.
Two years ago people were rude by proxy.
Four years ago today Elle wanted an itchy potty.
Five years ago today Joseph wanted Jesse to take ED medication.

Lupron Blues

So I don't know if I've mentioned this or not (and I'm too lazy to go back and check) but I am preparing for another embryo transfer.  This will be my second attempt with this new couple and for various reasons I'm feeling a lot more optimistic than I was the last time around.  As it stands right now it looks like I should be transferring sometime right around, or even on, Thanksgiving Day.

In preparation for the IVF cycle I have been on a drug called Lupron.  I have to give myself an injection of it in my belly every day.  Luckily there is plenty of padding and the shots really don't even hurt that much.  Usually Elle picks out the spot where I should do the injection then the counts down for me to jab myself. It's a family affair.

Lupron is a hell of a drug.  Here's me normally - "Hello!  I enjoy things that are pleasant!  Chocolate is good!"  Here's me on Lupron - "I have had a headache since last Tuesday.  I swear to god that whatever it is you're doing right now you're only doing to piss me off.  If you don't stop breathing so loud I am going to rip your face off.  WHY DON'T WE HAVE ANY CHOCOLATE IN THIS HOUSE!??!?!?!"

The kids call Lupron my "crabby shots" and it's a pretty well deserved nickname.  I try really hard not to take it out on them and most of the time I'm pretty successful (poor Jesse gets the worst of it) but I guess sometimes I fail.  We were in Goodwill the other day looking for some finishing touches for Halloween costumes and Elle was just not listening at all.  When we were standing in line she kept whining and begging for me to please buy her some chocolate eyeballs that looked like they were about 47 years old, please buy the eyeballs, why won't you buy the eyeballs, I NEED the eyeballs, I never get any eyeballs, these are the best eyeballs ever, I will cry if I don't get these eyeballs.  Joseph started shoving himself between me and Elle and trying to whisper something to her.  She couldn't hear over the sound of her own whining so finally he yelled "Watch out Elle!  Don't make Mommy mad!  You know she's crabby when she's on her Lupron!"  We got some looks.

But in spite of having had a constant throbbing headache for the past week and having my asshole dial turned up to 11 things are pretty good. Halloween was fun.  The kids were adorable.  Please stand by for photographic proof in 3 .... 2.... 1....

In case you can't tell they went as Doctor Elle and Plants vs Zombie zombie Joseph.  And didn't they do a nice job when I said "Look at me you guys!"?

Oh yeah!  I also became famous on facebook for like three seconds when I posted a picture from the Anoka Halloween parade.  But that's a story for another day.  For now I have to go eat my weight in Nutella.

Little Elle on the Prairie

You may recall that several weeks ago Elle and I took a little road trip to see some historical Laura Ingalls related history.  It was a joy to spend those days with just Elle.  She was funny and sweet did the most adorable things.  She also broke something in pretty much every location we went to.  By the end of the trip I was calling her Hurricane Elle because it turns out that girlfriend has a serious case of the klutz.

So join me if you will on a pictorial journey down memory lane as I tell the story of that time Elle and I drove to South Dakota and then back again.

The trip began as so many in American history have - in a covered wagon. 

Actually, that's not true.  The trip really began in my car which we had packed to the gills with cheese sandwiches (remember how excited she was about the cheese sandwiches?  Maybe not, I might have mentioned it on facebook) hard boiled eggs, activity books, Barbies and changes of clothes for one very picky little dresser.

The first stop on the trip was the Laura Ingalls museum in Walnut Grove, MN.  Laura and her family lived here for a time but the town is mostly known for being the setting of the odd and inaccurate tv series based on the books.  In turn the museum is really more about the show than it is about the real Laura Ingalls.  Here Elle stands with the real fireplace used in the show.  I think that's what it was.  It's hard to get a close look at things when you're touring with a five year old who cares less about what she's seeing than she does about what else she can see.

There were lots of other exhibits that Elle really enjoyed as well.  It's a pretty neat little museum with lots of hands on stuff for kids so if you have a kid into pioneer stuff this would be a good place to go.  They had a little church with an organ you could play.  Elle really liked that.

 They also had some old fashioned toys you could play with.  This was another big hit with Elle.  I guess playing with dominoes makes her look like she's 12.  Odd.

I forced Elle to try on these pioneer clothes.  She looked so cute that this older lady who was in the museum started kind of ... following us around and wouldn't stop talking to us.  We finally had to go into another building in order to lose her.

 Then there was this odd military exhibit. I guess to highlight Laura's military career?  Elle did not enjoy trying on this helmet but I made her do it anyway.  Can you tell that the thing weighed about as much as she did?

 Next up was a jail cell.  Always good for a laugh.



The next exhibit was a pioneer dugout house.  Elle was fascinated with the bed made of rope and furs.  As someone who has an unnatural fear of bedbugs I was pretty much horrified when she insisted on trying it out.  Yuck.  The good news is that she seemed to come out relatively infestation free. 

Then it was time for a quick phone call.  Just because you're exploring the prairie doesn't mean you can't use modern technology.

 After that was a visit to the school house.

We walked though this big area of weed and overgrown grass to get to this fiberglass horse.  I don't know why Elle looks like she hasn't brushed her hair in a week.  Pioneers didn't have hair brushes either.  I think.

Elle's favorite part of this museum was the outhouse exhibit.  This sign made us laugh and laugh and laugh.  For the rest of the trip Elle kept asking if she could poop in whatever exhibit we happened to be in at the time.

We drove all the way to Walnut Grove to play with some old toys.  I told Elle my grandparents used to have that same toy barn when I was a kid. This led her to believe that I had been a pioneer.  Not pictured, this stuffed goat that you could squeeze and then it would yodel.  We only did that about a million times.  We only stopped because the old lady who had been following us before caught up to us and we had to move on again.

This little area where you could pretend to be a pioneer grocer was Elle's favorite part of the whole museum.  We spent a REALLY long time here buying butter and canned goods from each other.  I have to admit that Elle is the one that finally put an end to this game.  (What?  It was fun!)  Not pictured here is the large glass front of this counter.  Moments after I took this picture Elle ripped the entire thing off.  I don't know how she managed it but somehow with her puny bare hands she pulled the glass front and wooden frame off.  There was no one else in the building at the time but I looked around and there were security cameras.  Maybe somewhere there exists film of me frantically shoving the thing back together while Elle happily rings up another order of butter and eggs.

The last stop on this tour was the old post office.  Museum karma caught up with Elle and as we were leaving this area she tripped and when stumbling across the room and crashed into a wooden telephone booth.  I almost laughed because it looked so damned funny but then I heard a pathetic little moan from inside the booth.  Elle, being the drama girl that she is, started to cry as soon as I got over to her so I used the phone to call the pioneer doctor.  That made her laugh and then she wanted to call the pioneer doctor too.  When she hung up the phone the receiver snapped off.  In her defense the receiver had been duct tapped on so I don't really think she can take the blame here but cripes.  It was clearly time for us to leave.

Stay tuned for the next installment where we visit Plum Creek and Elle manages to break something else.  That's right, my baby broke something at a creek.

Three years ago today I had a conversation with the neighborhood brat.

Six years ago today I was OMG, boring.

When your children are raised by a semi-crunchy mom

In this house we have no problem with letting the yellow mellow.

I just wish that once in a while my children would remember to flush down the brown.  Or to shut the door when they're in the bathroom ... doing bathroom things.

You would think that once your children are potty trained you would be able to become less intimately acquainted with their waste products.  Not in this house.

Is there every going to come a day where I am not able to tell who was in the bathroom last just by looking in the toilet?