Friday, July 06, 2007

Are you sorry that you adopted now that you know you can have one of your own?

PBN is having a blog blast where they asked bloggers to talk about the stupidest questions they were asked while they were pregnant and the answers they wished they had given. As soon as I saw this advertised I knew exactly what I wanted to blog about.

Now I've talked about this before but humor me and let me talk about it again. When I got pregnant with Elle I was shocked by the number of people who asked us if we regreted adopting Joseph or if it changed our feelings about adopting a child. What was the most suprising about this was that these were people who knew us well enough to know that he was adopted in the first place. We don't keep it a secret or anything but it's not like we make him carry around a sign proclaiming himself an adoptee. Most people that we just meet once or twice will never know he's adopted. So we were asked these questions by people that knew us, by people that knew Joseph. It usually went something like this:

Stupid Person A: Now that you know you can have one of your own, are you sorry that you adopted one first?
Me: No, we're very happy we adopted Joseph.


Stupid Person B: Will you find it hard to love him as much now that you're going to have one of your own?
Me: He is my own and nothing will change that

A lot of times these questions were asked right in front of my darling boy. For his sake I was cheerful and controlled. I didn't want him seeing Mommy flip her lid. Here's what I would have said if I could have:

Stupid Person A: Now that you know you can have one of your own, are you sorry that you adopted one first?
Me: I always knew we could have a child the old fashioned way. We just chose to build our family differntly. Why would I regret adopting the most brilliant and loving child I've ever met? If anything I'm worried that this one won't measure up to the high standard that Joseph has set. If she doesn't though we'll just let someone adopt her. I'm sure someone out there will like her.

Stupid Person B: Will you find it hard to love him as much now that you're going to have one of your own?
Me: We're not to worried about that. If we find that we don't like him as much we'll just send him back. We were just sort of using him as a test run anyway, to see if we really liked kids. What do you look so shocked for? It's not like he's my real kid anyway. Frankly we've been dying to trade him in for a new model. I mean, this adoption gig was fun for a while but how can you really love a kid that didn't come squirting out of your private parts? Why didn't someone warn us that parental love is conditional?

I have to say, I am looking forward to getting some stupid questions during this pregnancy. I can't wait to break out with "This baby isn't my husbands. It's ok though, it's not mine either."

It was one of those "don't you wish could have just handed them this" moments.


Beany said...

My favorite adopted child question is when someone asks me which ones are my real children because they know some of them are adopted. Yeah, cause the other ones are just holographic images projected from my tricorder you idiot. And why why why do people assume that children you've adopted can't hear, as they always say these things in front of your children. said...

Je-sus are people stupid. My children are adopted and I get asked (from total strangers) why we didn't have our own?!? Duh.... Stupid...

Jodi said...

I work in adoption and I don't understand they idea that adopted child are not "yours." They are yours, in the eyes of the law, and in everything that matters. Biology doesn't make a family and there are all kinds of families in the world.
Sometimes I understand why my two year old hits b/c I would love to hit those people.

mama k said...

How freakin' rude!
I don't have any adopted children, but it is something I would really like to do in the future.
I can't imagine loving a child any more or less depending on how they came into my life. Seriously people. WTH?

I wrote about the sleeping through the night thing at

Kylinsmom said...

yeck... children are a blessing, regardless of how they get here! They are just jealous (wink)!

Sophie Treadmill said...

Sheesh, people are stupid. A very wise woman once told me "wisdom has its limits, but stupidity knows no bounds." I'd say that applies here.

To the people that ask these stupid questions, do they realize it actually comes off (unintended though it may be) sounding as though they themselves have boundaries and limits to the love they have for their children? It's as though there's a certain coldness required of the mindset to ask that. I'm sure people just aren't thinking, but I can't help but feel that those questions are somewhat of a reflection on the people that ask stupid stuff like that. Honestly, the mentality of some people is truly depressing sometimes.

I did enjoy reading your fantasy repsonses. I'd love to see the looks on their faces!

B said...

Um, so many things I would say, so little space.
FIST OF ALL: I so would have come back in front of my kid, and you know what I would say? "Are you kidding me? He's standing right here and you say that? I should slap you for that.

Second, I may get that opportunity since I do want more kids and I don't EVER WANT TO BE PREGNANT AGAIN.

Third, OMG the fact that you are a surrogate means you got pregnant for someone else, and now I feel selfish and silly....oh well, I kind of am selfish and silly.

shyestviolet said...

go get 'em, sweetie :D

Karianna said...

What's even more sad is that I have a n acquaintance who adopted and seems to think along the lines of your insensitive friends: when it turned out that her daughter had a full sibling back at the orphanage, my "friend" said, "Well, we may decide to pick up another at some point, but now isn't a good time."

Melody is Slurping Life said...

As a mother by biology and adoption, I so "love" hearing the words "your real child". Yeah, the oldest is real...the younger three boys who are running wild, screaming and fighting, hugging and loving on me, lighting my life...they're only imaginary.

I did LOL at this post because being a mom of real and imaginary children...I'm allowed.

Carla said...

I have always wanted to adopt a fake child.

Stimey said...

Wow. People are really dumb. Are these people who HAVE kids? They couldn't possibly be. And to ask in front of him? Give me their addresses. I'll take care of them.

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