I love you, don't touch me

I am not a touchy-feely person. I am a person who highly values her personal space. I enjoy the occasional hug or kiss or pat on the back but for the most part I really prefer that people not touch me.* I guess this probably has something to do with my upbringing. My parents were very loving but we were never a very physically demonstrative family. When I was a kid there were hugs and kisses goodnight but by the time I was a teenager that had stopped and there wasn't really a lot of physical affection. I don't mean any of this as a criticism, it's simply not the way our family operated. My parents showed us that they loved us in a million ways. Physical affection just wasn't really one of them.** Maybe it's our gruff, stoic German blood.

The point is that even under the very best of circumstances I just don't really like physical contact. I have found that when I'm pregnant it's even worse. I really don't want anyone touching me ever, at all. Even Jesse has to back off when I'm pregnant. I don't know if it's a hormone that's doing it or the fact that I feel so huge and bloated or if it's something else all together. Whatever it is, I just know that when I'm pregnant I'm really uncomfortable with any physical contact that I don't initiate. Jesse (who is much more touchy-feely than me) can attest to this. Often if I'm upset about something he'll try to make me hug him to ...... I don't know, make me feel better I guess. Almost invariably all this does is make me more upset. Which begs the question, why does he keep doing it?

So if you see me in the next 7 or 8 months and I appear to pull away from you don't take it personally. It's not that I don't like you. It's that I cannot stand the thought of you touching me.

*The exception to this rule is with my kids. I could live very happily with my children permanently affixed to me. I love snuggling my babies. They can often be seen squirming to get away from me as I squeeze and cuddle them.

**After thinking about this I remembered that there are pictures of Ben and I snuggled up to my mom and dad as they read books to us. When I read the Little House books to Joseph I can so clearly remember my mom reading them to me. I would snuggle up next to her and my hair would still be wet from my bath. I would lean up against her and my hair would make a wet spot on her shirt. Every book she would read would sound even better when I listened to it with my head leaning on her chest. I could hear her voice normally in one ear and in the other I could feel it rumble and vibrate through her chest and into my ear. If I close my eyes and think back I can still "hear" it. It's a really powerful memory. Every child should have someone read to them like that.