Friday, April 01, 2005

Strange things people say

I recently read that 4% of couples who adopt their first child will go on to have another child by birth. The vast majority of those people adopt because they are unable to concieve a child. Only a very tiny % of couples who adopt their first child do so for reasons other than fertility problems and then go on to have a child by birth.

My point? I realize that I am in a somewhat unusual situation and that it makes some people curious. What has shocked me is the amount of people who feel free to ask bizzare, personal and sometimes downright rude questions about our family and how we chose to build it. It ranges from the somewhat rude - "Did you adopt the first time because you didn't think you could have a child and now you can?" to the abusurdly out of line - "Are you sorry you adopted now that you are pregnant?" to the truly bizzare - "I heard that adopting a child can make you more fertile. Is that why you did it?"

It's not just the questions, it's the strange comments that people make. "I bet you're excited to have a child of your own coming!" "I have three grandchildren and then two more of those adopted ones too!" "Now you'll get to see what it's like to really have a baby!"

No matter how many times I hear these things I am shocked. Thank goodness most people are "tactful" enough to not say that kind of stuff in front of Joseph. Most lean in and try to whisper it to me like we're sharing some kind of secret while my son (my real child, my first child) is occupied elsewhere. Most people, not all.

Here's the really wierd thing though. All kinds of people say this stuff. Normal, intelligent looking people can ask and say the stupidest things. Most of them say only strange or midly rude things but there are a few real freaks out there. I'm going to have to come up with something good to say to those people.

I know from experiance that people ask all kinds of strange things when they find out you have adopted a child. I have also heard that people thing being pregnant means you will answer wahtever personal questions they have for you. I'm just kind of shocked at how the two are coming together.

But this has been a lot heavier than I meant it to be. I guess the trick is finding a way to laugh at those people.

1 comment:

Anonymous said... stuff. That's great.
Oh, Hey. The third round of Disney Villain March Madness is starting! Just thought you might like to know...

But really, on your subject. I was talking to a student that works in our office who is from Hong Kong. She could not grasp the idea of someone adopting when they are able to have there own children. She said her mother told her that she would rather have no grandchildren than an adopted one. Different culture.
Thought you might find it interesting.