9/11

I can remember it like it was yesterday. That's saying something for me because I can't even remember yesterday like it was yesterday.

Joseph had woken up very early that morning wanting something to eat. I fed him and then put him back to bed so that he could get a little more sleep. I kissed Jesse goodbye as he headed out for his insane 2 hour commute, turned on the tv, took of my glasses and laid down on the couch to catch a few more moments of sleep.

I don't know how much later it was but I was woken up by the phone ringing. Still half asleep I stumbled over and answered the phone.

"Ello?"

"Oh Jenny, are you watching tv? It's so terrible!"

It's my mom. Why is she crying like that? Did something happen to someone in my family? And are they talking about it on tv? Wait, what is that on the tv? Smokestacks? Is that some sort of factory? Why is there a factory on tv and why is my mom crying about it?

I go back over to the couch and put my glasses on. I still see smokestacks on the screen. That's what it has to be. Not just because I'm still only half awake but because that's what makes sense. That can't be two buildings on fire. And I cannot have just heard them say on tv that two planes were crashed into the World Trade Center. That doesn't make any sense at all.

My mom and I stay on the phone together. We don't talk but we watch the scenes play out in front of us, the same footage over and over and over. The more I watch it the less real it all seems.

At some point Joseph wakes up and I tend to him. Sort of. He ends up spending most of the day on the living room floor playing with toys as I watch the news.

On one hand the day is crystal clear. I remember so much about it. On the other hand there's not really that much to remember. I did what a lot of people did. I watched and I cried and then I watched some more.

On video that I saw on the news (and somehow, despite all the repetition of all the news I only saw this once) really stayed with me and put into focus what 9/11 meant to so many people. It was a video that someone had filmed from the 12th story of his apartment building. He was filming as the first tower fell and as the dust cloud moved closer he panned down to the street. There was a large crowd of people running as fast as they could away from the dust. The crowd rounded the corner of the block only to be met with the dust coming straight at them from that way too. It seemed like the whole crowd moved as one, throwing their hands up, turning around and looking lost. For me that image is 9/11. It said it all for me.

"What do we do now? Where can we be safe? How can we make this stop?"