Tuesday, September 04, 2007

School days

Joseph has his first day of school tomorrow. Real school. Big boy school. First grade.

How is this even possible? I know it's cliche but it really seems like just yesterday that he was a baby. I can still so clearly picture the first time I met him. He was so fuzzy and funny looking. When we were left alone I stared at him and he stared at me with his serious brown eyes. He was so scrawny that I was almost afraid to pick him up. I looked at him and I promised myself that I would do my very, very best to take care of this tiny little baby. As soon as I worked up the nerve to pick him up.

And now? He's not a baby anymore.

I don't know why first grade feels so different for me than kindergarten did. It's the same building he was in last year. He'll eat in the same lunchroom, play on the same playground, check books out of the same library. But somehow, this all seems so real. Almost like last year he was just playing school but this year there's no more practice. Joseph is on his way now, he's growing up.

This year when I pick him up at the front door he won't want to hold my hand when we walk out to the parking lot. Well, actually he'll probably still want to hold my hand but now I'll have to wonder if I should let him. Should I point out to him that none of the other first graders want to hold their mom's hands? Or should I just hold his hand as long as he'll let me and not care if that makes the other kids label him as a baby?

Augh! This is too hard. How do I let him go and let him grow when my instinct is to grab him and hold him tight and not ever let him get any bigger?

Joseph is so excited for school to start tomorrow. Mommy? Mommy hates first grade.

5 comments:

melody is slurping life said...

Oh Jen, it's so dang hard to give them those wings, isn't it? You've made me hate first grade with you.

Here's a {{{{hug}}}} for you. Oh, and I think in first grade it's ok to still hold his hand. :)

CamiKaos said...

K has her meeting with her kindergarten teacher tomorrow... Then first day of school on Monday. Gulp.

Jennifer said...

It will get better.

You should enter this post in the Heads or Tails Tuesday thingy over at Skittles The theme today is school and this post fits right there in the best of them.

Annette Lyon said...

Mommy moments can be so tough! I'm personally dealing with the 7th grade/junior high thing. When I drop him off, I certainly don't dare give him a kiss anymore, but is it still okay to hug him? Or should I just clap him on the back and say, "Have a great day, bud"? My gut reaction is to hug him tight and kiss him, but that would only serve to embarrass him, I'm sure. *sigh*

nell said...

Here I thought kindergarten was real, but it just keeps feeling more and more like "real school" doesn't it? I hope he has a great first day!