Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Shattered

My heart is in 1 million pieces right now. I was clutching onto Joseph telling him that I didn't want him to leave this morning and was so grown up about it all. "Mommy" he said "It's ok! I'll be back this afternoon. You'll still get to see me later today! I'll come home and then we'll do something together*. Now I'm going to go and make some new friends! Mommy! Stop grabbing me and let me put my backpack on! Mommy!"

He was so calm and cool and I was a wreck. Elle and I stood on the porch waving as he and Jesse drove away. Joseph had a big smile on his face and I yelled every last minute instruction I could think of. "Be a good listener! Try at least one bite of everything on your tray at lunch time! Don't pick at your fingernails! Leave your bandaid on your owie! Remember to ask the teacher if you have to go potty! Remember to sign up for white milk for snack time! Unless you want chocolate!" On and on and on until the car was out of sight and I was just standing there yelling random things to the empty street.

Why is this so hard for me? The fact is that I know school is good for him. He really blossomed last year in kindergarten. His teacher this year comes personally picked out by his teacher from last year. When we met her (the new teacher) yesterday she seemed really nice and it seems like she'll be a good fit for Joseph. We also know his IEP case manager because she worked with him during summer school and she's really nice too. So I know he's in good hands and I know how much he loves the social aspect of being in school. So why is it so hard for me to send him to school? Ugh.

I'm going to draw my contest winner later this afternoon. Right now I'm going to play puzzles with Elle and try to figure out a way to keep her from growing up too.

*Despite all his time in speech therapy he still pronounces this as "tah-get-er". I don't care if he never learns to say it right, it's so cute. That, and when he says "hangaber" instead of "hambuger". I love it.

9 comments:

shyestviolet said...

we still say 'hangaburger' at my house. I'm 26. no worries, mate.

~JJ! said...

Awww...he's probably having a blast...

How are YOU?

nell said...

Gosh, I guess today was an emotional day for everyone! I'm sorry it was hard, and thank you for your kind comment on my emotional post today - at least we have our blogs. I hope he had a wonderful day!

melody is slurping life said...

OK mom! We're going to blame it on hormones. :) I had to LOL at this...you know that. But I am not unsympathetic...here's a {{{hug}}}.

Charming Driver said...

Q started kindergarten yesterday.

Yeah. That sound was my heart breaking/bursting kinda all at once.

CamiKaos said...

oh shit. milk. K starts school on Monday and I didn't even think of milk at snack time. She is lactose intolerant. THAT IS A QUESTION I SHOULD HAVE ASKED HER TEACHER TODAY.

I hope you are happy, I probably won't sleep tonight.

Bananas said...

OH! My heart is having empathy pains reading this. WHY do they have to grow up????

Anonymous said...

Behaving this way in front of a five year old? I hope you weren't as desperate as you portrayed. For the record, I've sent four children to kindergarten.

Shauna Loves Chocolate said...

I feel for you. I really really do.