How can you tell?

How can you tell that I think The Wire is one of the best shows ever? I call my kids hoppers and when my mom complained about paying so much for a cell phone she almost never uses I told her to get a burner.

How can you tell that I live in a small town? Last 4th of July they played music over loudspeakers along with the fireworks. One of the songs they played was Born in the USA and when Bruce sings "to kill the yellow man" they shot off yellow fire works.

How can you tell Elle had an ice cream sandwich today? She has about 3 pounds of chocolate cookie caked in her hair.

How can you tell that I am lazy and hormonal? For a while I sort of considered cleaning Elle off by sucking the chocolate out of her hair.

How can you tell I need to watch what kind of music I listen to in front of the kids? If you asked Joseph what his favorite song is he would probably tell you it's Baller. Elle would continue a proud family tradition and say Little Red Cornback.

How can you tell my house is a wreck? Check my browser history and see that I spent half the day browsing the internet looking for recipes for homemade wine. Check my text message history and see that I spent the other half sending people messages like "Did you know you can make wine out of lettuce?!?! I am going to try that!"

How can you tell that I am a super-star parent? Because at the garden store today I was watching this kid knock down a bunch of stuff while his parents just stood there and didn't do anything about it. When I turned around I realized Elle was throwing handfuls of seed packets on the floor.

How can you tell that I am putting off everything I need to get done today? I wrote this entry.

How can you tell that you are putting off everything you need to get done today? You're reading it.

Two years ago today I was sad about Asperers.
Three years ago today I wished people loved my thighs.
Four years ago today I managed to make a really cute story about Joseph seem boring.